Abuse - Female teachers as predators

Time Magazine

[...] "This isn't an 'affair,' it's abuse, and we have to shift that paradigm," says Terri Miller, president of Stop Educator Sexual Abuse, Misconduct and Exploitation (SESAME) in Nevada. "We say, 'Bully for the boy and his conquest of the geometry teacher,' but that makes it harder for boys to vocalize their victimization." Indeed, studies by psychologists like Julie Hislop, author of the 2001 book Female Sex Offenders: What Therapists, Law Enforcement and Child Protective Services Need to Know, note that boys who are sexually abused by women often develop alcoholism, depression and their own sexual dysfunctions, including rape, as men. [...]

Halacha supercedes ethical principles /Chazon Ish

Chazon Ish(Emuna and Bitachon 3:1-2): Moral imperatives are sometimes halachic issues. In such cases the halacha decides what is prohibited and what is permitted. For example it says in Bava Basra (21b) that teachers are not protected by laws against competition. If a community has truly dedicated teachers and then teachers come from another city - the natural response is not to be happy with the original teachers. Therefore there will be interest in hiring the new teachers and the established teachers will lose their livelihood. The natural response is for the established teachers to hate the new teachers and because of this hatred to try and find and to speak about defects and problems in the new teachers. It will degenerate to a point where the original teachers will make up slander and try to arouse mercy from the residents of the community against the cruel newcomers. This will result in disputes and controversy and at times revenge when they see an opportunity. All of this activity of the former teachers would appear to be justified and free of sin – if in fact the halacha was in agreement with them that they had the right to restrain the new teachers. It would be justifiable if the new teachers were sinners and had violated the halacha of the Torah. Thus the defense against the new teachers – based on moral principles – would not involve prohibited disputes or lashon harah or gratuitous hatred. Consequently it would seem that this is a fight for justice. But in fact the halacha has clearly decided that the governing principle is that jealousy of teachers leads to greater wisdom. This principle overrules the welfare of the individual teachers. Thus the newcomers are actually correct according to the halacha and those who fight against them are spilling innocent blood. The hatred of the original teachers against the newcomers in fact is violating the Torah principle of not hating one’s brother in your heart. When the old teachers speak badly about the new teachers they are violating the prohibition of lashon harah. When the old teachers rally the community to their side they are violating the principle of “not being like Korach.” When they take revenge against the new teachers they are violating the Torah principle of not taking revenge. When Bava Basra (21b) says that the old teachers cannot prevent the hiring of the new ones – many ethical principles are affected. 2) It is one of the obligations of the ethical person to try and establish in his heart this great principle. In every case where people harm each other, it is necessary to establish according to the halacha who is the aggressor and who is the victim. Focus entirely on the ethical consideration create a sensitivity and love for the victim and bitter anger to the aggressor. However there is great danger when this ethical consideration ignores the halacha which gives just the opposite understanding. In the eyes of halacha the pursuer becomes the pursued and the pursued becomes the pursuer. The only true understanding is that of halacha which has been transmitted to us by our Sages.

Divorce & Chareidi women

Haaretz

She left an encouraging meeting with the matchmaker and waited patiently for her daughters, aged 7 and 6, to finish their art therapy workshop. Aliza (not her real name) is a 27, ultra-Orthodox, and she is sharp, self-confident, with a ready smile. She received her get, or Jewish bill of divorce, a year ago, but she separated years before from the man she had married young and is raising their daughters alone. Like all the women interviewed for this article, she brings her children to the Em Habanim center several times a week, mostly in the afternoon. She recently participated in a series of psychodrama sessions "to increase consciousness in preparation for remarriage," and will soon complete real estate agent training, in preparation for a second, more lucrative career.

On one recent morning her daughter cried all the way to preschool. Aliza overheard the teachers telling each other that there is nothing to be done, that's how it is with girls whose parents are divorced. "Sometimes I feel as fragile as an egg, and yet I must soldier on, be strong, be the mom and the dad," says Aliza. "Shabbat is the hardest. Even though I have a warm family and friends and today there is much more openness toward divorce in Haredi society, nothing can make you get used to the feeling of loneliness on Shabbat."

For Aliza and more than 300 other Haredi women who belong to Em Habanim, the nonprofit organization is more than a recreational center. Some of the families here spend Shabbatot and holidays together under its auspices, and the women operate a social group that continues long past the center's hours and includes Internet forums for divorced Haredi women.

"Coming here is a joy. It doesn't solve my problems, and doesn't increase my child support payments. The main thing here is dealing with things together, and the fact that the staff put their hearts and souls into it. It's a heavy load; it grows much lighter together," Aliza says. During a hallway chat, one of the staffers unthinkingly uttered the phrase "broken home," and it was clear he was referring to family, any family, post-divorce. In Haredi society, and also outside it, this term is still part of learned explanations as to why a boy from a "broken home" will not be admitted to a sought-after educational institution, or why another boy is not excelling in school, and why both are likely, in a few years, to marry women who likewise came from "broken homes." [...]

Eiruv Tavshilin - Don't Forget!

Aish HaTorah

1. Which activities does the eiruv permit?
All activities that are permitted on Yom Tov -- e.g. cooking, grinding and sorting, as well as washing dishes and lighting candles. Activities that are forbidden on Yom Tov do not become permitted due to the eiruv, such as turning on lights.

2. Who has to make an eiruv tavshilin?
Usually, every individual is obligated in this mitzvah. In practice, when the head of the household makes an eiruv, all the family members are included.

3. Who does not require an eiruv tavshilin?
A person who does not intend making any preparations on Friday for Shabbat, and does not need to kindle Shabbat lights. A person who needs only to kindle Shabbat lights, should make an eiruv without a blessing. This may be relevant for a person who is staying in a hotel or is invited out for all the Shabbat meals.

4. Is a visitor included in the host's eiruv?
No. Therefore, he must make his own eiruv if he intends to do some Shabbat preparations on Friday. Alternatively, he can become a partner in the family's eiruv by acquiring a share in the food.

DESIGNATING THE EIRUV

5. Which blessing is recited upon making the eiruv tavshilin?
While standing, and holding the food in the right hand, say:

Baruch ata Ado-noi Elo-heinu melech ha-olam, Asher kid-shanu bi-mitzvo-tav, Vi-tzee-vanu al mitzvat eiruv. Blessed are You, the Lord our God, King of the universe, Who sanctified us with His commandments, and commanded us in the mitzvah of eiruv.

6. Is anything else said?
Yes. Following the blessing, a declaration must be made describing the purpose of the eiruv foods. This declaration is traditionally said in Aramaic, but it must be said in a language that one understands. So if one does not understand the Aramaic words, he should say the following translation:

By means of these eiruv foods, we will be permitted to bake, cook, keep foods warm, light candles, carry, and do all that we need on Yom Tov for Shabbat.

7. Should the eiruv foods be held when reciting the blessing and eiruv declaration?
Yes. If you forgot to hold the foods, you should pick up the foods and repeat the declaration, but not the blessing.

Hello is now a hug

NYTimes

There is so much hugging at Pascack Hills High School in Montvale, N.J., that students have broken down the hugs by type:

There is the basic friend hug, probably the most popular, and the bear hug, of course. But now there is also the bear claw, when a boy embraces a girl awkwardly with his elbows poking out.

There is the hug that starts with a high-five, then moves into a fist bump, followed by a slap on the back and an embrace.

There’s the shake and lean; the hug from behind; and, the newest addition, the triple — any combination of three girls and boys hugging at once.

“We’re not afraid, we just get in and hug,” said Danny Schneider, a junior at the school, where hallway hugging began shortly after 7 a.m. on a recent morning as students arrived. “The guy friends, we don’t care. You just get right in there and jump in.”

There are romantic hugs, too, but that is not what these teenagers are talking about. [...]

HaRav Moshe Sternbuch, shlita - Shavuos

My Sefer on Abuse - Chapter Outline

Outline- Abuse - Final Version

Israel jails American to give Get

JPost

In a groundbreaking ruling, the Tel Aviv Rabbinical Court had the final say this week in the divorce case of a Jewish American couple that has dragged on for six years, as the husband has refused to grant his wife a get (Jewish divorce).

After three nights in jail and a ban preventing him from leaving the country, however, the wanton husband - who is not an Israeli citizen - finally succumbed to the demands of the Rabbinic Court Administration (RCA) and agreed to free his wife from their marriage. It was the first time that Israel's religious court system has ever flexed its muscles in a case involving Jews from abroad.

"This is the first time that the Rabbinic Court Administration has imposed such sanctions on a person who is not a citizen of Israel," said a spokeswoman for the RCA, adding that the husband had "never really believed that the religious courts had this power, because he is not a citizen of this country."

She explained that a change in legislation three years ago gave the RCA jurisdiction over cases involving Jews residing here who are not citizens.

According to the information published Wednesday by the RCA, the man had been traveling back and forth between Israel and the US for the past two years, and therefore, under Israeli law, had established Israel as the center of his life.

Just over a year ago, the wife petitioned the Tel Aviv Rabbinical Court, asking the administration to impose sanctions on her husband to obtain a get. The RCA then began the standard process of demands on husbands who refuse to agree to a divorce.[...]

Gay marriage ban upheld in California

NYTimes

The California Supreme Court upheld a ban on same-sex marriage today, ratifying a decision made by voters last year at a time when several state governments have moved in an opposite direction.

The decision, however, preserves the 18,000 marriages performed between the court’s decision last May that same-sex marriage was lawful and the passage by voters in November of Proposition 8, which banned it. Supporters of the proposition argued that the marriages should no longer be recognized.[...]

Chareidi surrogate motherhood - kosher!

YNET reports:

For the first time in Israel an ultra-Orthodox woman will serve as a surrogate mother, after receiving authorization to do so from a rabbi.

The woman, a widowed mother from southern Israel, started making inquiries about the possibility of becoming a surrogate mother several years ago, seeking to help a childless couple bring a baby into the world. But the woman was concerned of her neighbors' reactions should she become pregnant, and asked the Institute of Fertility and Medicine According to Halacha to arrange a halachic approval from a rabbi explaining her condition and guaranteeing she was not "promiscuous." Rabbi Menachem Borshtein, head of the institute, said that such an approval was given by Rabbi Zalman Nehamia Goldberg, and this gave the woman the green light to continue with the procedure. [,,,]

Danger from internet predators - factors

CNN reports

Study identifies risk factors from Internet predators

Childhood abuse, use of sexy images puts girls at increased risk

These factors more crucial than Internet naivete or sexual innocence,

Authors urge caregivers to carefully monitor how girls present themselves online

(CNN) -- A history of childhood abuse and use of a provocative online identity increase the risk that girls will be victimized by someone they meet on the Internet, according to a study appearing in the June issue of
Pediatrics.

While highlighting the dangers that exist for adolescent girls, the study's authors also offer a word to parents: You can lessen the risks to your children by monitoring their Internet use.The authors sought to identify risk factors connected to increased rates of Internet-initiated victimization of girls. They also wanted to find out whether abuse victims showed increased vulnerability to online victimization.

They found that girls are more likely to experience online sexual advances or have offline encounters if they have previously been abused or have a provocative avatar, which is a digital image meant to represent the user online. Those two factors pose a greater risk to adolescents than perhaps more traditionally considered risks, such as Internet naivete and sexual innocence, the study says.

The authors say many Internet-initiated sex crimes originate on social networking sites, which require users to create online identities.[...]