Most young scientists experience sexual abuse or harrasment in field work

Scientific American   She was a young, enthusiastic graduate student when she traveled to her research site outside a rural town in a foreign country. She had spent years immersed in her research and, as is the case with many young scientists, the field study was a vital opportunity to gain experience and advance her career.

The harassment started with intimate questions about her love life and sexualized comments about her body. At first, she even joined in the banter, trading insults with her mostly male colleagues. She was already uncomfortable, then colleagues started joking about selling her into prostitution. Pornographic photos began to appear in her private workspace.

When she walked unaccompanied through the nearby town, catcalls and the groping hands of local men followed. At work, she felt only marginally safer. The joking had spiraled out of control. When she confronted her professor about it, he told her she was being overly sensitive, their relationship deteriorated, and he eventually revoked his promise to fund her through graduate school.

The scientist posted her anonymous story to University of Illinois anthropology professor Kathy Clancy's blog on the Scientific American website in 2012. The story is one of several Clancy has posted on the blog and is also, according to new research led by Clancy, a disturbingly common feature of scientific field research.

A survey of 142 men and 516 women across scientific disciplines found that many of them suffered or witnessed sexual harassment or sexual assault while at work in the field. A report analyzing the data, published yesterday in the journal PLOS ONE, found that 64 percent of survey respondents said they had experienced sexual harassment. More than 20 percent reported that they had been victims of sexual assault.

The Satmar Rebbe and the Destruction of Hungarian Jewry part I Tablet Magazine

Tablet Magazine    [see also Part II]

In her book Be-Seter Ha-Madrega (In the Covert of the Cliff), Haredi Holocaust historian Esther Farbstein writes, “Rabbi Yoel (Yoelish) of Satmar was unquestionably chief among leaders [of Haredi Jews in Hungary].” If Farbstein is correct in her claim, Rabbi Yoel’s conduct before, during, and after the Holocaust may explain, albeit only partially, the extraordinary devastation suffered by the Hungarian Orthodox community, which had regarded him as “chief among leaders.”

The first section of this article describes Rabbi Yoel’s life and actions during the Holocaust, both on personal and public levels, as reflected in his writings, the contemporary press, memoirs written by his Hasidim, and archival sources. In many cases, researchers note that Rabbi Yoel’s position regarding the Holocaust was extreme and exceptional compared to views held by other rabbis and spokespeople of the Haredi community. Yet the worldview he cultivated, coupled with his theological explanations of the Holocaust and its mystical meaning, drew a growing number of followers, in whose eyes he was the last remnant of a dying ideology. His anti-Zionist worldview, representing as it did to them the Eastern European “Old Home,” expunged his failures during the Holocaust. As his public stature grew, criticism from within diminished, while criticism from without was disregarded and dismissed as Zionist defamation.

As I argue in greater detail in the following, Rabbi Yoel’s life, activities, and decisions during the Holocaust and his pressing need to explain and justify them thereafter offer a possible explanation for the extremism of his later views. Any fair examination of the historical record shows that Rabbi Yoel’s contribution to assisting Jewish refugees and to the rescue of Transylvanian Haredi Jews was negligible. Prior to the Holocaust, he ignored the dangers threatening the Jews of Transylvania and failed to engage in the preparation of rescue and aid plans. Although he became privy to reports on the extermination of the Jewish communities in Poland, given his position as a member of the Central Bureau and through his connections with the authorities, he refrained from calling on his followers to save or prepare themselves. On the contrary, he warned any would-be immigrants to Palestine or other countries that they were in danger of severely harming their Haredi way of life. Moreover, he refrained from cooperating with the Zionist—and even with the Haredi—leadership in addressing current issues or preparing for the impending threat and even opposed measures of a religious nature, such as prayer and fast days, which he feared would be perceived as a protest against the authorities.

When the danger of war became real and immediate, Rabbi Yoel did his best to equip himself and his closest circle with certificates or visas that would facilitate their escape to Palestine or the United States. At the same time, he thwarted all attempts at cooperation between the heads of the Orthodox communities and the Zionist organizations, which could have helped to rescue them. He failed to set a personal example and rejected his associates’ advice to prepare a hiding place or attempt to cross the border to Romania. Had he done so, some of his Hasidim may have done the same and thus survived.

When put to the test, he chose to save himself clandestinely after his own congregation had already been incarcerated in ghettos and to abandon his followers in the time of their harshest adversity. His conduct stands in stark contrast to that of other rabbis in his vicinity, many of whom rejected pleas to save themselves and accompanied their congregations to the transport trains, the extermination camps, and in some cases even into the gas chambers. [...]

Rifky Stein & Yoel Stein: A neutral divorce lawyer's evaluation and suggestions

 Update: RaP's comments

This is a comment that was made to another post but which I feel is a strong contribution to the discussion and should be read by everyone.

It goes beyond the question of who is telling the truth and gets into the practical reality and issues. In particular the issue of the interaction between the secular law and halacha. How does the secular judge view the manuevering on both sides regarding the get?

Do we follow the established halacha if it increases the likelihood of one party going against halacha and perhaps remarry without a get. This in fact is a halacha issue which the poskim indicate is a real issue but its significance and  relevance change with time and place.

Guest Post by Brent Albala • Comment to Rifky's 2012 Proposal

Dr. Eidensohn, I'm honored that you yourself chose to respond to me.

So, no, I have not read every single posting on this issue on all the various websites these people have chosen to spread their dirty laundry.

But it doesn't really matter, or change my opinion. Here's why:

I've been involved in dozens of matters (one earlier today!) where there is a claim of criminal activity on the part of one ofththe parents (you think these two are the first to make alleged criminal activity an issue?) Prostitution, Drug sales. Money laundering. Fencing stolen goods. Weapons charges (today's matter!). OK, so this one has racketeering allegations.

One of two things is the truth: either the RICO allegations are true, or they're not. Either he's been arrested and charged criminally, or he hasn't. If we assume (arguendo) he has been charged and arraigned criminally, that he's entered a "not guilty" plea. Has the Grand Jury returned their report? Did they find enough evidence to proceed to trial? That would not be good news for him. Has their been a criminal trial? Or is that still pending? I have to assume from what I have seen here, he hasn't been found guilty of anything. Or maybe the Grand Jury has not found enough evidence and the matter is to be dismissed (like the various Order of Protections that I read about).

If the matter is still pending criminally, then I would have to advise him to hold off on a custody trial as any testimony elicited at a custody trial could be used against him in a criminal trial. I wouldn't take that chance. However reluctantly, I would advise him not to cut off all contact with his children and suffer through supervised visitation. Although if the RICO allegations do not contain allegations of any actual physical violence (and it's strictly a financial allegation), I'd point that out to the Court that he's not dangerous and ask for unsupervised visitation. In such a situation I admit that I might have him hold off on consenting to a Get since the civil divorce will take a year or two as the criminal matter winds it's way through the system and so time is not of the essence. It's not as if she'll be civilly divorced quickly or remarrying anytime soon. BUT the logic to hold off on the GET is not to obtain leverage in a custody matter, it merely is that there's no rush since the civil matter is taking so long due to the pending criminal case. OK, let her wait.

BUT let's assume there are no criminal charges, or he's found "not gulity" what then? Well then we have a custody trial. Let them each take the stand and hurl accusations at each other. Let their attorneys enter whatever evidence they have. Is HE violent? Keep her prisoner? Beat her? The kids? Hasn't he been found not guilty of everything she's claimed about him? All Orders of Protection dismissed? RICO dismissed? Has SHE filed false Order of Protections? Filed false RICO claims? Or is she a good mother? The primary caregiver? etc... This is the stuff of custody and visitation trials. In this scenario, there is NO justification to withhold a Get. The Supreme Court judge will judge each person's credibility, examine the evidence offered, and make the decision. Custody to . . .; Visitation to . . .; Supervised/unsupervised. Overnights? etc. Again, no justification to withhold a Get if the civil divorce is proceeding according to plan, REGARDLESS OF THE ALLEGATIONS.

Remember, I consider paramount not alienating the mother from Judaism. (And I'm not even orthodox!) Make her miserable enough and you increase the odds that she'll remarry out of the community, if not out of the faith. Think of the children.

I have done Orthodox cases in the past. Settlements that are fairly negotiated with a ratcheting down of the hostilities can address a number of concerns. Who takes the child to school? Religious instruction? Who gets what holidays in odd years? Even years? Assurances of a kosher home. Every fear that I've seen expressed on this page (mostly fear of being marginalized in the child's life) can be negotiated and dealt with. As long as there is no "I'm going to win at all costs mentality."

I remember a divorce I did years ago where during the settlement negotiations these two people argued for 30 minutes as to who should get the toaster oven! Afterwards I told my client that given what she just paid me to watch this nonsense she could have bought 4 new toaster ovens! My own client's "win at all costs", cost her money! And for what I ask you?

I've been divorced for 15 years now. There was no arguing over a GET. Yes, arguing over other issues (I'm not perfect), but not that. And you know what? We never argue still over who gets what holiday (Are you taking the kids to services this week or should I? Are you doing the first night of Hannukah, because my mother is coming over??). After Court today I just spent the evening with my three daughters. Two of whom spent last summer in Israel. They are beautiful, intelligent young women. They bring me nachas daily. If any of them go to Israel next year, I'll have them look you up.

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Guest post by RaP in response to latest posting by attorney Brent Albala, Esq.

Harbe shluchim yesh lo LaMakom (God has many emissaries)...well, the Stein-Weiss case may lack a "Ronnie Greenwald" but along comes a Brent Albala, a Jewish lawyer trained at Touro Law Center and in practice for over 23 years, with a big heart, who is not even frum but understands the complexity of divorces from a legal point of view in the State of New York and inserts a well-needed dollop of sanity in the feud. But he is of course only dealing with a part of the picture, albeit a central part.

He sees things in a pragmatic lawyerly way, but that is not always the way it works in the Haredi Halachic culture.

Not everything in Torah life is about figuring out a way to "please" judges or gain favor by making conciliatory moves. This calls for a level of flexibility and disconnect from a Torah lifestyle that while he admits he has a good awareness of, it still comes across as coming from someone outside the Halachic system, or at least that part of the Halachic system that Yoel Weiss is willy-nilly part of and has recourse to.

He also lacks an appreciation for how "absolutist" the two sides are at this stage -- with Rivki Stein taking on the role of a larger than life poster child for the cause of "all agunas" and Yoel Weiss becoming a local folk hero to the macho men of Boro Park, Williamsburg and beyond.

Yes the wife has already started the process or knocking out someone from the community by obtain a "ruling" from an unknown shadowy unproven so-called never heard of "bais din" that her husband is a "mesarev ledin" with the allegations that he is in "nidui" a form of excommunication from the community. So it is little surprise that what the wife faces, if it turns out she is a liar and manipulator, that she will be tossed out of the community and seen as persona non grata, and no one will have pity on her. In that regard there isn't enough appreciation of how serious this stuff really is by defying the will of a very frum community and its rabbonim. So far Rivki Stein seems to have produced photo-shopped papers, while Yoel Weiss can rely on that no rabbis in his community have told him to give a get.

In that kind of society people listen to their rabbis and not to their lawyers! No one cares what secular judges may potentially think, but everyone worries what their OWN rabbis will say. In previous cases, like in the Dodelson case the issue was aggravated because their were top rabbis on both sides that made it that much worse. In this case of Rivki Stein and Yoel Weiss it builds on that previous case by the use of the same publicists (Shira Dicker) and radical recourse by the women to unashamedly using the yellow journalism of the New York dailies to spill dirt on husbands, Orthodoxy by implication, and create what is know as a Chillul HaShem and it cannot be blamed on the husbands because everyone must accept responsibility for their actions and by hiring skilled publicists and running to the secular press is no less controversial than running to paid buffoons who beat up husbands to extort a get or anything else.

He does not address the fact the use of publicists, nor does he understand that from a Torah Halachic point of view, it is not mandatory to give a "get on demand" something you need to clarify. But he certainly has added a refreshing perspective!

Charisma: A Note on the Dangerous Outer Boundary of Spirituality

Jewish ideas  by Paul Shaviv who contributed a chapter to my book Child and Domestic Abuse Volume I [this originally appeared in April 18, 2011]. hat tip Joel Katz

For the past several years, I have contributed postings to a number of websites on the subject of the dangerously charismatic teacher in schools. The material was based on my book on Jewish school management that was published at the beginning of 2010. The section on the charismatic teacher was entitled “The Pied Piper.”’[i]

Tragically, between the time that the section was originally written (in 2007) and the time the book was published, a former Jewish Studies teacher at our school was arrested on very serious charges of sexual molestation and assault. His alleged offences were committed in Israel. Following his arrest, an investigation in Toronto unearthed many issues of concern. He had exemplified many of the good and many of the bad characteristics of the charismatic teacher, especially one active in the religious life of the school. While in Toronto (as a shaliah) he had been immensely popular; had been idolized by students and by some staff; was a talented musician, much in demand locally as a singer at weddings and other community celebrations; and was also used by NCSY as a youth leader and resource. Many former students testified to the profound religious influence he had on their lives. Others—as it emerged—had far darker, tragic, and damaging memories.

The whole episode and its aftermath caused me many hours of reflection, and made me reconsider fundamentally many other encounters throughout my life with charismatic rabbis and teachers—in both personal and professional capacities. I concluded that although many good teachers and rabbis have elements of charisma in their personalities and style, the overtly charismatic personality almost always masks far more sinister agendas, and must be treated and managed with the utmost caution.  The tipping point is where the personality of the teacher/rabbi is more important than the content of his message or teaching. Sadly, most readers of this article will be familiar with examples from within our own community, let alone examples from other educational and religious communities. [...]

Walt Disney: Difficulty of screening employees for child predators

Dovid Weinberger's pledge not to serve as rabbi or be involved in chinuch

Dovid Weinberger is now living at 12 Rechov Shaulson - Har Nof, Jerusalem.

For additional information see  Frum Follies

I had not posted this information previously because I had thought that it was widely known. However I have heard from a number of people in Har Nof that it is clear that this information is not common knowledge. 

Rav Moshe Sternbuch should be consulted if there are any further questions.

Understanding Chabad: The Holocaust - Rav Schach vs the Lubavitcher Rebbe

update: I suggest a reconciliation based on the concept of attribution found in the Rishonim.
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I would like to discuss in greater detail Chabad and its alleged deviance from acceptable theology. What seems to be happening is that Chabad follows views which at one time were common or viewed as legitimate. Over time some of these views fell out of favor of the yeshiva world. The Holocaust  is one such issue. The following quotes are from R Telushkin's book on the Lubavitcher Rebbe.
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One simple way of resolving the apparent contradiction between the approach of the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Rav Shach is based on the following sources. Causal relationships are attriubted for pragmatic reasons - but not actually known. Typically throughout Jewish history it has been beneficial to faith to attribute suffering to sin. However except in the case of the prophets, the actual causal relationships are not known. Such attributions not only provide a way of understanding suffering but it also provides motivation to improve and grow from the suffering. 

However what would happen in a situation where these attributions not only are not viewed as providing meaning but are viewed as abhorrent? What if the reaction to these explanation is anger and rebellion against a religion that insists that G-d brings about the torture and death of millions of men, women and children? And even in those who don't reject the view, it induces severe depression rather than growth and meaning? This is common in the modern world - even amongst many religious people.

The answer is obviously that we should you a different approach. Such is the approach of Chabad - which obviously doesn't reject the idea of Divine Providence - but says we don't understand the causal relationships. This can be seen in the following quote. More citations are at the end of this post. [These translated sources are from my sefer Daas Torah.]

Kuzari (5:20): Since all that exists must exist either because of a direct decree of G d or by means of intermediate factors and it is possible that they are all directly decreed by G d - the masses prefer to attribute all causes directly to G d because this is more certain and strengthens faith.

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Among Rabbi Shach’s well-known positions was his certainty that the Holocaust was a divine punishment for Jewish sinfulness or, as he phrased it: “God kept count of each and every sin, in a running count over hundreds of years, until the count amounted to six million Jews, and that is how the Holocaust occurred. So must a Jew believe, and if a Jew does not completely believe this, he is a heretic, and if we do not accept this as a punishment , then it is as if we don’t believe in the Holy One, blessed be He.” He then continued, “After exterminating the six million, He began counting again. We don’t know where the count is up to now, maybe a year or two, but when it is full, God will punish again. This is how it is and no one can deny this. It is forbidden to say that this is not so.” 18

18 . Rabbi Shach’s statement was cited on December 29, 1990, in Yated Ne’eman, a newspaper that he cofounded . A fuller transcript of his remarks can be found in Mussar Eruai Ha-Tekufah (Bnai Brak, Israel: 2011), 35– 38.

Telushkin, Joseph (2014-06-10). Rebbe: The Life and Teachings of Menachem M. Schneerson, the Most Influential Rabbi in Modern History (Kindle Locations 2664-2671). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition. 

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In characteristic fashion, the Rebbe never responded to Rabbi Shach by name, though he did offer a full speech in repudiation of his comment that the Jews who were murdered in the Holocaust were being punished for both their and their ancestors’ sins. In the Rebbe’s words, “as regards the awful events of the last generation [i.e., the Holocaust], it is clear and obvious (barur ve-pashut) that they did not come as punishment.” 22 He returned to this issue again: “To say that those very people were deserving of what transpired, that it was a punishment for their sins, heaven forbid, is unthinkable. There is absolutely no explanation or understanding for the Holocaust. . . . Certainly not the explanation of a judgment and punishment. No scales of judgment could ever condemn a people to such horrors.” Instead of speaking of the supposed sins of the six million (and their ancestors), the Rebbe spoke of each of the Holocaust victims as martyrs who had died al kiddush Hashem, “in sanctification of God’s Name.” 23 Why , then, did God permit the Holocaust? As the Rebbe once answered a correspondent who challenged him with this question: “The only answer we can give is ‘Only God knows.’ ” 24 Furthermore, the Rebbe emphasized that evil sometimes reflects rather the ability of evil human beings to misuse their free will. Commenting on the promise offered in Deuteronomy 32: 43, “For He [God] will avenge the blood of his servants,” the Rebbe noted that the very wording of the Torah verse suggests that the death of these “servants” is against God’s will; that is why He will avenge it. In a comment that serves as a response to the view that God was counting the Jewish people’s sins, the Rebbe said, “God forbid that one should picture God as a cruel king who punishes His people for their disobedience and then waits until it mounts again to the point at which it is fitting to punish them again.” 25 Rather, in the Rebbe’s view, God should be depicted not as “the Master of punishment” but as “the Master of mercy.” 26

Telushkin, Joseph (2014-06-10). Rebbe: The Life and Teachings of Menachem M. Schneerson, the Most Influential Rabbi in Modern History (Kindle Locations 2709-2728). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.
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Rav Shach's words - from מוסר אירועי התקופה found at Hebrew Books

   Rav Shach explains the Holocaust 

This is Rav Hutner's explanation. However it has some serious errors of historical facts as Prof Lawrence Kaplan explained in Tradition

   Rav Hutner explains the Holocaust Jewish Observer

Rambam (Moreh Nevuchim 2:48): It is very clear that everything that happens must have something that caused it. That cause must itself have a cause. This chain continues until we arrive at the original cause - namely G d’s will and desire. Because ultimately everything is caused by G d, the prophets sometime attribute things caused by intermediate factors as being caused by G d. All of this is well known and this is in fact the view of the men of Torah…. You should know that all proximate causes which produce that which is produced - with no distinction made between whether the intermediately causes are essential, natural, free will (of man or animal) or accident - they are all attributed by the prophets to G d. For example natural events such as the snow melting from the warm air or waves created by the wind are described by the prophets as being commanded by G d as is the falling of the rain… Concerning that which is caused by man’s free will such as war between two nations or one person attempting to harm or even insult another person - the prophets describe it as the result of G d’s command. … When Yosef was freed from prison the prophet said that G d sent a king and freed him. Furthermore Yosef said to his brothers that they had not sent him to Egypt but rather G d had. We also find that events caused by the desires of animals are described as being caused by G d such as “G d spoke to the fish” (Yonah 2:11) since G d in fact initiate the desire of the animal. Even things which are accidental from pure chance are attributed to G d. For example concerning Rivkah, “Let her be your master’s son’s wife as G d has spoken (Bereishis 24:51). And Yosef said that “G d sent me before you” (Bereishis 45:7).

Chovas HaLevavos (3:8): I have found in books information about Divine compulsion, decree, rulership, and will. They state that everything is controlled by G d from mineral, plant and animal to human beings. Tehilim (135:6): G d does whatever He wants to do in Heaven and earth…. There are many similar verses that teach this idea that man and other creatures were prepared merely to adorn the world. That they move only with His permission, with His power, and with His ability. … Our sages had intense debates about how to reconcile Divine compulsion and Divine justice… Some held man has total free will and that is why man receives reward and punishment. Others held the opposite that everything is determined by G d… When this latter group is asked about reward and punishment they respond that it is a mystery but G d is just in whatever He does… There is a third group which believes in both Divine compulsion and Divine justice. But they add that whoever delves into the matter cannot avoid sin and trouble no matter how he attempts to explain the matter. They claim that the best approach is to have full faith that man has full free will and will be rewarded and punished for his deeds… but at the same time to have the full trust in G d as one who believes that everything is fully determined by G d. Furthermore to believe that G d can make claims against man but man cannot demand anything of G d. This position is closer to resolving the problem than the others. That is because our ignorance of G d’s wisdom is well known because of the weakness of our minds and the limited awareness. But in fact our ignorance is the means by which G d shows His kindness to us and that is why it is hidden from us. Because if there was any benefit in revealing this secret then G d would have revealed it to us.

Kuzari (5:20): … The Prime Will is manifest when the Divine Presence is amongst the Jews. However after the destruction of the Temple it became doubtful - except in the hearts of those who have faith - whether specific events were the result of the direct command of G d or the Heavenly spheres or were accidents. There is no definitive way to resolve this issue. Nonetheless it is best to attribute everything that happens to G d, especially major things such as death, victory, war, success and bad fortune.

Rabbeinu Bachye (Kad HaKemach Bitachon): An aspect of bitachon in G d is that even when a person has wealth, possessions, peace of mind and honor - he should not assume that this is reward for his good deeds. Even if he is a complete tzadik, it is better to even consider himself wicked and ascribe all the good entirely to the kindness of G d. On the other hand, if he suffers calamities or is attacked by bandits he should not view it as simply bad luck…. Such a response is the path of heresy. Rather he should ascribe the suffering to his many sins. In fact, if he insists that his suffering is merely bad luck, G d will give him additional “bad luck”… 

Rambam (Taanis 1:3): But if a person doesn’t call out to Heaven and doesn’t blow shofar but simply says that the misfortune is entirely a natural event and the calamity simply happened, that is the way of cruelty and causes them to adhere to their evil deeds and to have even more suffering. As the Torah (Vayikra 26:24) says “If you relate to Me as life was full of accidental events than I will treat you as if everything is an accident.” In other words G d will bring on you additional suffering so that you will repent if you say that the suffering is just accidental.

The tragedy of the Arabs

The Economist   A THOUSAND years ago, the great cities of Baghdad, Damascus and Cairo took turns to race ahead of the Western world. Islam and innovation were twins. The various Arab caliphates were dynamic superpowers—beacons of learning, tolerance and trade. Yet today the Arabs are in a wretched state. Even as Asia, Latin America and Africa advance, the Middle East is held back by despotism and convulsed by war.

Hopes soared three years ago, when a wave of unrest across the region led to the overthrow of four dictators—in Tunisia, Egypt, Libya and Yemen—and to a clamour for change elsewhere, notably in Syria. But the Arab spring’s fruit has rotted into renewed autocracy and war. Both engender misery and fanaticism that today threaten the wider world.

Why Arab countries have so miserably failed to create democracy, happiness or (aside from the windfall of oil) wealth for their 350m people is one of the great questions of our time. What makes Arab society susceptible to vile regimes and fanatics bent on destroying them (and their perceived allies in the West)? No one suggests that the Arabs as a people lack talent or suffer from some pathological antipathy to democracy. But for the Arabs to wake from their nightmare, and for the world to feel safe, a great deal needs to change.

The blame game

One problem is that the Arab countries’ troubles run so wide. Indeed, Syria and Iraq can nowadays barely be called countries at all. This week a brutal band of jihadists declared their boundaries void, heralding instead a new Islamic caliphate to embrace Iraq and Greater Syria (including Israel-Palestine, Lebanon, Jordan and bits of Turkey) and—in due course—the whole world. Its leaders seek to kill non-Muslims not just in the Middle East but also in the streets of New York, London and Paris. Egypt is back under military rule. Libya, following the violent demise of Muammar Qaddafi, is at the mercy of unruly militias. Yemen is beset by insurrection, infighting and al-Qaeda. Palestine is still far from true statehood and peace: the murders of three young Israelis and ensuing reprisals threaten to set off yet another cycle of violence (see article). Even countries such as Saudi Arabia and Algeria, whose regimes are cushioned by wealth from oil and gas and propped up by an iron-fisted apparatus of state security, are more fragile than they look. Only Tunisia, which opened the Arabs’ bid for freedom three years ago, has the makings of a real democracy.

Islam, or at least modern reinterpretations of it, is at the core of some of the Arabs’ deep troubles. The faith’s claim, promoted by many of its leading lights, to combine spiritual and earthly authority, with no separation of mosque and state, has stunted the development of independent political institutions. A militant minority of Muslims are caught up in a search for legitimacy through ever more fanatical interpretations of the Koran. Other Muslims, threatened by militia violence and civil war, have sought refuge in their sect. In Iraq and Syria plenty of Shias and Sunnis used to marry each other; too often today they resort to maiming each other. And this violent perversion of Islam has spread to places as distant as northern Nigeria and northern England.

But religious extremism is a conduit for misery, not its fundamental cause (see article). While Islamic democracies elsewhere (such as Indonesia—see article) are doing fine, in the Arab world the very fabric of the state is weak. Few Arab countries have been nations for long. The dead hand of the Turks’ declining Ottoman empire was followed after the first world war by the humiliation of British and French rule. In much of the Arab world the colonial powers continued to control or influence events until the 1960s. Arab countries have not yet succeeded in fostering the institutional prerequisites of democracy—the give-and-take of parliamentary discourse, protection for minorities, the emancipation of women, a free press, independent courts and universities and trade unions. [...]

Chabad: Serious issues that need to be addressed

Anonymous Guest Post UPDATE  - LINKS TO PREVIOUS POSTS

I couldn't help but notice the recent launch of 2 Biographies (arguably hagiographies) of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, one written by Joseph Telushkin and the other by Adin Steinsaltz. These book launches coincided with the very public events to commemorate his 20th yahrzeit. It is important to note, that by all accounts, Rabbi Schneerson was a very great man. he was an extraordinary Talmid Chacham and a formidable, charismatic leader who reached countless Jews in spreading Torah and Jewish values. However, since his sad passing in 1994, Chabad as a movement seems to have lost direction and has developed very disturbing problems to followers and other Jews around the globe.

Much has been spoken about the Moshiach issue and many debates have arisen in books and online articles about the compatibility of the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach and accepted Judaism. One such extensive piece is written here: http://moshiachcontroversy.wordpress.com/

It seems to me, that even if it is possible for this Moshiach viewpoint to be halachically acceptable, it relies on outlying opinions and non-mainstream halachah/philosophy. It is therefore very much a "bedieved" position at best. Why do Chabad followers feel the need to rely on such a "bedieved" opinion at all? Why does it sit at the heart of the Chabad philosophy to the point that it is nearly impossible to find a Shliach that does not believe in the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach?

More worryingly we are seeing ever increasing cult-like behavior of chabad followers. Examples include:

1) Regarding the Rebbe (whether alive or not) as some sort of super human or Messiah

2) A large picture of the the Lubavitcher Rebbe in nearly every Shliach's home ( http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/166901/jewish/Why-the-Big-Picture-of-the-Rebbe-in-Your-Home.htm ).

3) Aggressive programs of outreach to bring outsiders into the group. Notice that the Chabad outreach programs attempts to turn people into followers of Chabad, rather than Judaism.

4) Many followers "consult the Rebbe" before making decisions like where to live, who to date etc. This is done by visiting his grave or sending an email to have someone else do it. ( http://www.chabad.org/tools/ohel_cdo/aid/36248/jewish/Send-a-Letter.htm )

5) Chabad Rabbis often set themselves up as a "parallel" community in towns where there is an established Jewish presence (Schools, Shuls, etc...). This was most notable in Russia where Chabad actually took over ( http://www.haaretz.com/news/no-love-lost-1.176188 ), but this is a common theme around Europe and elsewhere. Furthermore, when Chabad Rabbis hold pulpit positions in non-Chabad Shuls, it is often the case (although not always) that they slowly bring in Chabad customs and erode the minhagim of the community.

But it doesn't stop there. We have all read in the newspapers exposing some Chabad Rabbis as molesters having corrupt practices. This is currently most notable in Australia where it seems the whole Chabad infrastructure has been covering up abuse for decades. It is true that this is not unique to Chabad, but when Chabad have a marketing program with messages like these, a greater effort should be made to clean up their act:

http://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/36226/jewish/About-Chabad-Lubavitch.htm

"Chabad Lubavitch worldwide is organized to reach out and help the hungry and the needy among us. For it has always been the Chabad tradition never to turn away a person in need."

I do not wish to see the Chabad movement dissolved, nor do I want Chabad to be segregated to a non-accepted form of Judaism. However, I do think there are very serious issues affecting us all that need to be debated. Many Rabbis won't speak out on these points because there is too much political stake or conflict of interest. The Chabad issues are the elephant in the room that will only get bigger over time unless we confront them now.
=====================================UPDATE=================
Previous discussions of the dispute over Chabad and  the kabbalistic concept of Tzitzum

Rebbe's view of Tzitzum

Chabad - Tzitzum is literal or figurative?


Tzitzum Grav vs Baal HaTanya

Chabad - do words have meaning?

Rabbi David Sedley's Review of Tzitzum Concept

Rabbi Tzadok's Varying views of Tzitzum

Rabbi Oliver and Chabad apologetics

Current generation of Chabad misunderstands Kabbala?

Chabad chasid: Is Rebbe Moshiach?

Chabad I one true form of Judaism?

Chabad II - one true form of Judaism?

Chabad - Atzmut in body - Rabbi Oliver vs Rabbi Berger

Chabad can only be understood by those who accept its beliefs Rabbi Berger response

Chabad can only be understood by those who accept its beliefs - Rabbi Oliver
===================================================
RaP's Interlinear critique of "Chabad: Serious issues that need to be addressed"

Guest post by Recipients and Publicity (RaP)

"I couldn't help but notice the recent launch of 2 Biographies (arguably hagiographies) of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, one written by Joseph Telushkin and the other by Adin Steinsaltz. These book launches coincided with the very public events to commemorate his 20th yahrzeit."

RaP: This is not unique to Chabad, it is done by all the groups all the time. ArtScroll publishing is constantly timing the release of biographies of various Gedolim to coincide within the year of their passing, or with some other related events. The 20 years since the passing of the last Lubavitcher Rebbe zt"l (known to most as "The Rebbe") is notable because in spite of all the difficulties the movement has faced without him at the helm, yet they have doubled their Shluchim and their efforts have continued stronger than even before undiminished and undimmed by the passage of time. In fact a generation of young Lubavitchers that has no direct personal experience of the Rebbe himself is now coming forth and getting ready to go into manning the frontlines with the same or greater  enthusiasm than their elders.

"It is important to note, that by all accounts, Rabbi Schneerson was a very great man. he was an extraordinary Talmid Chacham and a formidable, charismatic leader who reached countless Jews in spreading Torah and Jewish values."

RaP: This is almost a superfluous statement. No one would say about any great Rebbe or Rosh Yeshiva that he was anything else but a great Talmid Chochem etc.

"However, since his sad passing in 1994, Chabad as a movement seems to have lost direction and has developed very disturbing problems to followers and other Jews around the globe."

RaP: This is not true. Not just Chabad, but Satmar has split into two factions after the passing of their last Rebbe (between two sons of the previous Satmar Rebbe) , so has Bobov in the USA split into two factions after the passing of their last Rebbe (between a son and son-in-law of the previous Bobover Rebbe). And so have Vizhnitz in Israel split into two factions (between two sons of the previous Vizhnitzer Rebbe). In Chabad there has been a split between the radical Meshichistim (mostly in Israel) and the less strident true-believers (mostly the global Shluchim), but they all have faith that the last Lubavitcher will never be succeeded by another. A big problem is that many of the youth in Crown Heights and children of Shluchim do not relate to these high Chasidic ideals and have gone off the derech (OTD), but that has not stopped the official movement in any way from

expanding.

"Much has been spoken about the Moshiach issue and many debates have arisen in books and online articles about the compatibility of the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach and accepted Judaism."

RaP: To Litvaks and Misnagdim and non-Chasidim this may be a puzzle, but it does not baffle people who know that from its inception Chasidism is a Messianic movement. The Baal Shem Tov the founder of Chasidism wanted to introduce a movement that inspires people to bring the true Jewish Mashiach. He succeeded where Shabtai Tzvi failed according to Rav A.Y. Kook, since the last era of the 6,000 years of world history is the era of bringing Mashiach. All Chasidic movements believe this, even about their own Rebbes, it is built into their spiritual DNA and it cannot be changed. It is what gives them strength. It is also what got them into trouble with the Vilna Gaon who put them ALL in Cherem (excommunication). So basically it is an ideological split in Ashkenazi Jewry between those who follow the Baal Shem Tov and those who follow the Vilna Gaon. The Chasidish world will never compromise on it, and the Lubavitchers are some of it loudest proponents. They have the Tanya which was written by the first Lubavitcher Rebbe and it is the "Bible" of ALL Chasidim, with the Shulchan Aruch HaRav by the Baal HaTanya as the Halachic basis for that as well. It is a very strong position and cannot be opposed, it can only be ignored and isolated but it cannot be expunged or removed at this stage of history because Chasidus, with Lubavitch as part of it is too powerful. Rav Shach zt"l in his day did his part of opposing the Rebbe and making the views of the Litvaks known, but since that time people who do NOT subscribe to Lubavitch have just let them

be since there is nothing to be done really.

"It seems to me, that even if it is possible for this Moshiach viewpoint to be halachically acceptable, it relies on outlying opinions and non-mainstream halachah/philosophy. It is therefore very much a "bedieved" position at best. Why do Chabad followers feel the need to rely on such a "bedieved" opinion at all? Why does it sit at the heart of the Chabad philosophy to the point that it is nearly impossible to find a Shliach that does not believe in the Lubavitcher Rebbe being Moshiach?"

RaP: Great question and your question is also your answer! It is part of their Chasidus, like asking people with blue eyes why they have to have such types of eyes. Answer: It is in their DNA! You need to get more acquainted with what Chasidus is all about. It involves learning something about the

Zohar, Kabbalah, writings of the Rebbes, Midrashim and Maharal. Basically it is about the NISTAR of Torah that Chasidim are revealing, implementing, practicing and spreading. That is the point of the spiritual revolutions begun since the year 5000 (the sixth millennium), equivalent to "Erev Shabbos" when the world gets ready for "Shabbos", during the 5000s there are spiritual revolutions, along come the Zohar, Ramban, the ARI and the many Mekubalim who reveal the Zohar, the Ramban, the Maharal, the Ramchal, the Vilna Gaon and his Kabbalah, the Mussar Movement, the Baal Shem Tov and the Chasidic movement with its Rebbes and Chasidus, they are revealing NISTAR (the "hidden"), the SOD ("secret/s") of PARDES, the "Ohr HaGanuz" the "Ohr HaTorah" to prepare the world for the true Jewish Mashiach, the Final Redemption, the Acharis HaYamim ("End of Days"), the Ingathering of the Exiles, the War of Gog and Magog, rebuilding of the Bais HaMikdash, and the entry into the Gan Eden and the Olam Haba with the arrival of Eliyahu HaNavi and the notion of Mashiach Ben Yosef and Mashiach Ben Dovid, and Yom Shekulo Shabbos, is integral to that entire continuum and process! And all Chasidus with Lubavitch is part of this and takes it very seriously and succeed on that basis because they are riding the next big and current wave in Jewish history, the coming of the true Mashiach. Okay so they believe that "their Rebbe" is it, but this is something that all Chasidim believe. Breslov has been supporting Reb Nachman of Breslov for a long time after he has passed
away and they are getting stronger than ever!

"More worryingly we are seeing ever increasing cult-like behavior of chabad followers."

RaP: One needs to be very careful with this "label" of "cult" because it is used against by enemies of any Charedi and Chasidic group. Thus if one does not like Yeshivisha people or any other type of Orthodox or Chasidisha people they get tagged with the "cult" label which while it may have some elements of truth is to miss the point. People even label Judaism and all religions as "cults" so it does not help to use this term in a serious discussion.

"Examples include:
1) Regarding the Rebbe (whether alive or not) as some sort of super human or
Messiah"

RaP: To all Chasidim, not just to Lubavitchers, their Rebbe is a superman because they believe that a Chasidisha Rebbe is the "Tzadik" ("tzadik yesod olam") who has direct access to God! All Chasidim look to a Rebbe to bless them and provide "CHAYEI (happy/successful life), BONEI (healthy/good children), MEZONEI" (food/wealth) and in return the Chasidim follow the Rebbe unquestioningly  and give him money and do whatever he asks of them -- if one has never heard of this then they have not begun the ABCs of knowingwhat Chasidus and following a Rebbe, any Rebbe, is about.

"2) A large picture of the Lubavitcher Rebbe in nearly every Shliach's home"

RaP: Every frum Jew has pictures of the Gedolim he and his family venerate,so this is not noteworthy. Some Lubavitchers place photos of the Rebbe into their shulls. It is controversial. There is their view that some hold that because so to speak, God "puts his essence into a body" ("atzmus beguf") that it is the Rebbe that is the one in whom God places his essence ("atzmus in a guf") which is a controversial notion, but still within the range of what many Chasidim hold. To be sure, it is a different way of serving God, and very strange for those not part of it. But much of what Chasidim do is strange to outsiders, such as their dress, their education, their attitudes to secular education, to women, and many other things.

"3) Aggressive programs of outreach to bring outsiders into the group.
Notice that the Chabad outreach programs attempts to turn people into
followers of Chabad, rather than Judaism."

RaP: This not unique to Lubavitch, they are being copied by many others. The Modern Orthodox do huge amounts of outreach and every group that makes the effort wants the newcomers to follow in their ways. Among Chasidim, only Lubavitch and Breslov do massive outreach, because according to them the Mashiach cannot come until all Jews are reached anywhere and everywhere. On the other hand most other Chasidic groups, like Satmar, Gur, Bobov do not do outreach to secular Jews. The Belzer Chasidim have been doing a limited amount of outreach as well. But huge organizations basically affiliated with Agudas Yisrael, such as Lev LeAchim, Shuvu, AJOP, Chofetz Chaim Yeshiva,Neve Yerushalayim, Ohr Somayach and Aish HaTorah and many others do outreach all over the world.

"4) Many followers "consult the Rebbe" before making decisions like where to
live, who to date etc. This is done by visiting his grave or sending an
email to have someone else do it.

RaP: Visiting graves of venerated ancestors and Tzadikim is something that ALL Chasidim do very seriously. There are reasons for this. Litvaks have the Goral HaGra, believe in "Simanim", and consult Daas Torah all the time. Only the Modern Orthodox and Mizrach do not do any of this (maybe when they are caught in foxholes they may resort to it!)

"5) Chabad Rabbis often set themselves up as a "parallel" community in towns
where there is an established Jewish presence (Schools, Shuls, etc...). This
was most notable in Russia where Chabad actually took over but this is a
common theme around Europe and elsewhere."

RaP: Yes, Chabad is very aggressive and they work in an organized way to take over. The only strategy if one does not like it is to try to beat them at their own game. In the USA, the BMG Lakewood Yeshiva has exported dozens of out-of-town small Kollelim to dozens of communities. The Torah Umesorah Jewish day school movement has organized hundreds of Jewish days schools and helps to send hundreds of non-Lubavicth Yeshiva-educated teachers to these schools all over North America, while in Israel Lev Le'Achim sends hundreds of volunteers to learn Torah with secular Jews. There are also Sephardic organizations and rabbis, such as Amnon Yitzchak reaching tens of thousands of secular Jews all the time, everyone is doing it, and most are not Lubavitchers. It is a trend of the times!

"Furthermore, when Chabad Rabbis hold pulpit positions in non-Chabad Shuls,
it is often the case (although not always) that they slowly bring in Chabad
customs and erode the minhagim of the community."

RaP: That is true, but why should that be a problem since most of the shulls are dead or dying and are attended by Jewishly uneducated people who do not know the difference and the Lubavitchers are warm hosts, very welcoming and set themselves up in places where others fear to tread. The Lubavitchers have become the "default Jewish clergy" since there is no one else to do what they are willing to do, such as taharas, burials, bring kosher food, host guest in far flung places, attend the sick, teach children from all walks, plenty of patience for one and all, be non-judgmental and non-critical (often too much so), and their greatest not-so-secret super weapon are the Shluchos, the charming, determined, calm under pressure, always friendly wives of the Shluchim who are more willing to sacrifice everything than even their husbands to go on Shlichus anywhere in the world, something that girls from Boro Park or Bnai Brak or Golders Green would never do!

"But it doesn't stop there. We have all read in the newspapers exposing some
Chabad Rabbis as molesters having corrupt practices. This is currently most
notable in Australia where it seems the whole Chabad infrastructure has been
covering up abuse for decades. It is true that this is not unique to Chabad,
but when Chabad have a marketing program with messages like these, a greater
effort should be made to clean up their act: 'Chabad Lubavitch worldwide is
organized to reach out and help the hungry and the needy among us. For it
has always been the Chabad tradition never to turn away a person in need.'"

RaP: As you say, "It is true that this is not unique to Chabad" -- it is a universal problem and has yet to be solved not just in the frum world but in all of society. But that is not a contradiction to offering to feed hungry people or travelers who have had the benefit of Chabad hospitality. Not all Chabad people are "molesters" so this is a weak argument. Yes, Chabad people venerate their Rebbe even after his passing, but so do the Breslovers and Rav Nachman of Breslov has been gone more than two hundred years and they are still going strong, so it augers well for Chabad that they can easily keep going for more than another two hundred years as well. Complaining will not help. Only rolling up one's sleeves ands trying to win will succeed, otherwise all the complaining amounts to a case of sour grapes and will accomplish nothing while Chabad will continue to flourish and grow since
they are the masters of what they do so well.

"I do not wish to see the Chabad movement dissolved, nor do I want Chabad to
be segregated to a non-accepted form of Judaism."

RaP: Chabad will not go away and it does not look like they are shrinking.In fact more people, not just secular, people rely on, but in the global communty ALL frum Jews rely on them. Just look at who was murdered while visiting at the Chabad house massacre in Mumbai, all sorts of frum people and rabbis not connected to Chabad but relying on the hospitality of the Chabad house there. People use Chabad houses thousands of times every dayall over the world.

"However, I do think there are very serious issues affecting us all that
need to be debated. Many Rabbis won't speak out on these points because
there is too much political stake or conflict of interest. The Chabad issues
are the elephant in the room that will only get bigger over time unless we
confront them now."

RaP: What kind of "confrontation" is needed? What kind of "debate" and where? Which rabbis need to "speak out"? It is absurd to think that at a time when there is massive ASSIMILATION, INTERMARRIAGE, and APOSTASY among the Jewish people that a "civil war" should be started against Chabad, the very people who are on the frontlines doing the "dirty work" against theseproblems that they did not cause. May as well start a war against REFORM, CONSERVATIVE, and SECULAR Jews and their leaders who have caused the literal destruction of the Jewish people and who should be the real ones to face the music and the anger of everyone, and not the Lubavitchers with their quixotic Chasidisha ideas and ideals that seem so strange but is what gives them the motivation and energy to keep on going in the face of a terriblemeltdown in the general Jewish world!

Alleged New Square Sex Abuse Victim Speaks Out

lohud  A New Square educator accused of molesting a young boy repeatedly over five years pleaded not guilty to the charges Tuesday in Rockland County Court.

Judge William Nelson maintained Moshe Taubenfeld's $25,000 cash bail and issued a order that Taubenfeld must stay away from his alleged victim.

Taubenfeld said little in court, entering his plea through his lawyer, Gerard Damini. His next court date is July 15.

Taubenfeld had previously turned in his passport to the police.

Taubenfeld is charged with second-degree course of sexual conduct against a child. The alleged abuse started Sept. 11, 2001, when the preteen boy said he came to the man seeking comfort after the terrorist attacks.

The abuse allegedly continued until the child turned 13 in 2006.

The boy, who has spoken to the media using the name Laiby, said he and his family reported the abuse about six years ago to community leaders, who discouraged him from going to police.

His experience was similar to those of other New Square abuse victims, including a young man, Yossi, who reported Taubenfeld's brother, Herschel, to police in 2011. [...]

Haaretz Portrays Judaism as the Obstacle to Peace

Commentary Magazine   Israel’s Haaretz newspaper will tomorrow host the grandly-named “Israel Conference on Peace” in Tel Aviv. In a crammed schedule across twelve hours, an intriguing array of speakers–Israelis, Arabs, Europeans, and Americans, left-wingers and right-wingers–will address economic development, human rights, access to water, the prospects for a diplomatic breakthrough, and other critical aspects of this particular Middle Eastern conflict.

As is often the case with such events, one can tell a great deal about the nature of this conference through what’s not being discussed, as well as who isn’t in attendance. Despite Israel’s location in one of the most violent and illiberal regions of the world, the conference does not deem the threat posed by Iran’s nuclear program, or the conquest of vast swathes of Syria and Iraq by the Islamists of ISIS, as worthy of a separate session–evidently, all that is secondary to the fate of the Palestinians. However, since two prominent Palestinian leaders, Palestinian Authority negotiator Saeb Erekat and businessman Munib al Masri, have already pulled out of the conference, citing as a reason “respect” for the “feelings of the Palestinian people” in the light of “the developments of the last few days,” one might legitimately wonder whether the Palestinians share the conviction of the Israeli left that in times of crisis, dialogue is of paramount importance. [...]

What is new and worrying, however, is the revival of this discredited anti-Judaic discourse by those Jews and Israelis for whom a Jewish state is, by definition, a racist endeavor. Writing in a tone that is slightly less contemptuous than that adopted by Kichko, Burg says, in his Haaretz piece, “The element of distrust of other nations is woven into the fabric of the way Jews operate. This stems not only from persecution and hatred, ghettos and bloodshed: It is also an internal and active choice expressed through our normative system of halakha (traditional Jewish law), which ensured this mode of thinking.” [...]

Doubtless, Burg’s message will resonate with those who, in another era, would have warmly endorsed Karl Marx’s maxim that “the emancipation of the Jews is the emancipation of mankind from Judaism.” The fact that we are still having this same conversation is precisely what should alarm us.

First International Conference on Abuse & Violence in Jewish Community

   Confronting Abuse 2014 Brochure

Chaver Project in Beit Shemesh: Chareidi initiative to control Internet use

 I spoke last week with a principal of a Chareidi school in Beit Shemesh and he said this project will be used to exclude the children of people who don't allow rabbinic supervision of their Internet usage.

 ====================

JPost    A project was recently launched by hard-line sectors of the haredi community in Beit Shemesh to discourage the use of the Internet and the devices that enable easy access to it.

The idea behind the initiative, called “Haver,” is to encourage members of the haredi public to sign a declaration in front of their community or synagogue rabbi that they either have no access to the Internet at all, or that they have only rabbinically approved devices, with content filters, which they need for work purposes.

Anyone signing this declaration will be awarded a membership certificate which, in the language of the publicity material, “testifies that he counts himself among those who fear the word of God.” [...]

The Haver initiative has only just been rolled out and a big membership drive was launched on Thursday, with many hundreds of people signing up.

Concerns have been voiced, however, about the second stage of the Haver project. After the initial sign-up period, lists of those who have signed up will be posted at synagogues in the haredi neighborhoods of the city, which organizers say will be “to glorify the names of the members.”

It is feared that membership in the Haver program could be used as a de facto way to determine someone’s haredi identity and that those who do not sign up will be excluded from communal benefits such as access to community charities, schools and other institutions.[...]

Rivky Stein & Yoel Weiss: A therapist's distressing overview of frum divorce

I just received the following comments with permission to post them anonymously - from a respected therapist with extensive experience with the frum community. It is a shameful reality, that therapists, rabbis and lay leaders - have to be afraid of being harassed or sued if they openly talk about the problems of an adversarial divorce where each side feels they need to level the field by gaming the system - to get even partial justice. 

Anyone who deals with divorce is aware of the lies and exaggerations that are made as well as the injustice and insensitivity and the incredible amount of time and money required. However these lies or false accusation tend to be more often by women who feel that it is necessary to compensate for the  biases of the system.This therapist adds the excellent suggestion to evaluate for borderline personality - especially in this case. Hopefully he will agree to my request to offer suggestions to improve the system.

==============================================

Guest Post:

I am reading the Yoeli Weiss story, and hesitated to comment. I am aware of much of the story in this case, and I am also involved in quite a few cases in which I am witnessing a similar pattern. Yoeli actually nails it quite well in his position paper that is the most current post on your site. He calls attention to the use of the Internet, including but not limited to YouTube clips, various websites including her own, and the social media to discredit him and win her case in the court of public opinion. The difficulty in all this is that anyone who reaches conclusions based on a system in which שמוע בין אחיכם has not been followed has zero credibility, and this includes rabbonim and dayanim who do exactly this on a regular basis.

I am not someone who takes a side with either gender. I have publicly stated that my experience includes evil, nasty men and evil, nasty women. There are no statistics, as are commonly found with “advocates” who tout them as if they are fact. I need to judge each case on its own merit. If it were not a breach of confidentiality, I would provide names and contact info for the spouses who I sided against, who would testify that even though I advocated for their litigating spouse, I was neither vicious, nor even judgmental. I, in fact, do not affiliate myself with any organizations, as I find all of them biased and prejudicial.

Yet, the systems in place to address domestic violence are universal in assuming that the perpetrators are the men, and the women are the victims. This system is open to abuse, and it is frequently exploited. I have had many cases of reverse abuse, where fabricated allegations were used to destroy innocent people. Support groups for women struggling in their marriages regularly trade advice about how to do their husbands in. Some rabbonim told me that my estimate of 50% fabrication in DV accusations/arrests is way below what they see (claiming closer to 70%). To date, NYS has never prosecuted false police reporting for DV, but there is a technical violation.

While I have an opinion about the Weiss/Stein case, I note that the presence of fiction in the widely publicized cases is overwhelming. This case is not anomalous. There is pressure to “even the playing field” because husbands in marital conflict are apt to “withhold” a get. Actually, that happens less often than portrayed. In reality, the husbands accept the sound advice that the get is the final severing of the relationship (known as krisus), and once there is an agreement, one proceeds with the get. When women create fabrications that lend support to their claim for full custody, limited and supervised visitation, and unrealistic demands for support and maintenance (alimony), plus countless other possible unilateral demands, agreements cannot be reached. While I do not pasken shailos, I am supportive that men who are being handled unfairly with regard to visitation obtain a psak-heter to take the issue to Family Court to insure their access to their children.

Borderline Personality is one of those conditions that is nearly impossible to insist that a man tolerate, and these gittin are characteristically conflictual and dramatic. It would be reasonable to expect this case to at least be evaluated for that issue.

I have had difficulty in writing comments on your site. Sometimes browser incompatibility, recently the need to register with Disqus. (I do not register anywhere.) In addition, I never use my name in comments, especially since litigious people will attack me for breaches of confidentiality, even if they were not clients. However, I felt that my sentiments about the subject are worth sharing with you. You may pass on these comments on your blog, but please do not use my name or any other identifier.

I am agreeable to correspond with you on this painful subject offline.