Mass shaming of others on Internet:How One Stupid Tweet Blew Up Justine Sacco’s Life

NY Times

As she made the long journey from New York to South Africa, to visit family during the holidays in 2013, Justine Sacco, 30 years old and the senior director of corporate communications at IAC, began tweeting acerbic little jokes about the indignities of travel. There was one about a fellow passenger on the flight from John F. Kennedy International Airport:

“  ‘Weird German Dude: You’re in First Class. It’s 2014. Get some deodorant.’ — Inner monologue as I inhale BO. Thank God for pharmaceuticals.”

Then, during her layover at Heathrow:

“Chilly — cucumber sandwiches — bad teeth. Back in London!”

And on Dec. 20, before the final leg of her trip to Cape Town:

“Going to Africa. Hope I don’t get AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white!”

She chuckled to herself as she pressed send on this last one, then wandered around Heathrow’s international terminal for half an hour, sporadically checking her phone. No one replied, which didn’t surprise her. She had only 170 Twitter followers. [...]

By the time Sacco had touched down, tens of thousands of angry tweets had been sent in response to her joke. Hannah, meanwhile, frantically deleted her friend’s tweet and her account — Sacco didn’t want to look — but it was far too late. “Sorry @JustineSacco,” wrote one Twitter user, “your tweet lives on forever.” [...]

It’s possible that Sacco’s fate would have been different had an anonymous tip not led a writer named Sam Biddle to the offending tweet. Biddle was then the editor of Valleywag, Gawker Media’s tech-industry blog. He retweeted it to his 15,000 followers and eventually posted it on Valleywag, accompanied by the headline, “And Now, a Funny Holiday Joke From IAC’s P.R. Boss.”

Sexual Abuse Allegations Against Imam Stir Rifts in Insular Ilinois Community

NY Times    She ordinarily did not wear a veil. But it was required at the Islamic school where she worked, and she remembers being surprised when the head of the school, a conservative imam, suggested that she remove it.

When the imam, Mohammad Abdullah Saleem, came into her office, she said, he would sometimes touch her cheek or put an arm around her shoulder. Mr. Saleem was revered in her close-knit community, and she did not object at first. But simply being alone together represented a forbidden intimacy, and looking back, she said those first gestures should have been more alarming.

“It’s not something that gets done,” the 23-year-old woman said recently. “Men and women don’t even shake hands.”

Over time, she said the touching became more aggressive, reaching a point that she did something almost unheard-of in her community. She told people: her family, a social worker, an Islamic scholar. Recently, she went to the police. As word spread of what she had told them, three other women came forward, telling detectives that as young girls they had been molested by Mr. Saleem.[...]

Abuse allegations against Catholic priests and Jewish rabbis have brought similar anguish to insular communities suddenly exposed to outsiders, in a crisis. But the Chicago case comes with added baggage in a community where discussion of sex is taboo and many girls are forbidden to attend school health classes. Dating is uncommon or secretive, many marriages are arranged, and a blemish on a young woman’s reputation can render her unmarriageable.

The accusations are particularly jarring because of Mr. Saleem’s stature. “In the South Asian community, he is like Billy Graham. He’s the archbishop of Chicago,” said Omer Mozaffar, an Islamic scholar who serves as the Muslim chaplain at Loyola University Chicago and who acted as a mediator between Mr. Saleem and his first accuser last year.

Mr. Saleem said in a brief phone interview that his accusers “are lying.” He referred questions to his lawyer, Thomas T. Glasgow, who said that after an internal investigation by the school, “I have not seen any evidence to substantiate anything.” [...]

10 hours of fear and loathing in Paris: A reporter walks the street of Paris wearing a kipa and tzitzis

One month after the terrorist attack on a kosher supermarket in Paris, NRG's correspondent, wearing a tzitzit and a kippa, took what proved to be an intimidating walk across the French capital. "What is he doing here Mommy? Doesn’t he know he will be killed?" one little boy asked, saying it all

Welcome to Paris 2015, where soldiers are walking every street that houses a Jewish institution, and where keffiyeh-wearing men and veiled women speak Arabic on every street corner. Walking down one Parisian suburb, I was asked what I doing there. In modern-day Paris, you see, Jews are barred from entering certain areas.  [...]

For 10 hours I quietly walked down the streets and suburbs of Paris, with photographer Dov Belhassen documenting the day using a GoPro camera hidden in his backpack. Given the tensions in Paris, which is still reeling from a wave of terrorist attacks (including the murder of Charlie Hebdo magazine journalists), I was assigned a bodyguard.[...]



At times it was like walking in downtown Ramallah. Most women were wearing a veil or a hijab, most men appeared to be Muslim, and Arabic was prevalent everywhere. We decided ahead of time that I was to walk through these areas quietly, without stopping anywhere, without speaking to anyone, without so much as looking sideways. My heart was pounding and negative thoughts were running through my head. I would be lying if I said I was not afraid. [..]

In one of the mostly-Muslim neighborhoods, we walked into an enclosed marketplace. "Look at him! He should be ashamed of himself. What is he doing walking in here wearing a kippa?!" one Muslim merchant yelled. "What do you care? He can do whatever he wants," another, seemingly unfazed merchant, answered. Over at a nearby street I was lambasted with expletives, mostly telling me to "go f*** from the front and the back." [...]

They made it clear to us that we had better get out of there, and we took their advice. "A few more minutes and this would have been a lynching," the bodyguard told me as we were getting into the car. "Leave this area right now."   

Is this what life is like for Paris' Jews? Is this what a Jew goes through, day in and day out, while walking to work or using public transportation? The majority of French Jews do not flaunt their religion, as the Jewish community leaders have urged them to wear hats as they walk to and from work, or go bareheaded. But what about nighttime? Well, Jews prefers to stay inside in the evening. It is safer at home

Op-Ed: Why are They Converting to Islam?

Arutz 7  One of the things that worries the West is the fact that hundreds and maybe even thousands of young Europeans are converting to Islam, and some of them are joining terror groups and ISIS and returning to promote Jihad against the society in which they were born, raised and educated. The security problem posed by these young people is a serious one, because if they hide their cultural identity, it is extremely difficult for Western security forces to identify them and their evil intentions. This article will attempt to clarify the reasons that impel these young people to convert to Islam and join terrorist organizations.

The sources for this article are recordings made by the converts themselves, and the words they used, written here, are for the most part unedited direct quotations.

Many of the converts are convinced that Islam is a religion of peace, love, affection and friendship, based on the generous hospitality and warm welcome they receive from the Moslem friends in their new social milieu. In many instances, a young person born into an individualistic, cold and alienating society finds that Muslim society provides  – at college, university or  community center – a warm embrace, a good word, encouragement and help, things that are lacking in the society from which he stems. The phenomenon is most striking in the case of those who grew up in dysfunctional families or divorced homes, whose parents are alcoholics, drug addicts, violent and abusive, or parents who take advantage of their offspring and did not give their children a suitable emotional framework and model for building a normative, productive life.[...]

Converts to Islam report that reading the Koran and uttering the prayers add a spiritual meaning to their lives after years of intellectual stagnation, spiritual vacuum and sinking into a materialistic and hedonistic lifestyle. They describe the switch to Islam in terms of waking up from a bad dream, as if it is a rite of passage from their inane teenage years. Their feeling is that the Islamic religion has put order into their lives, granted them a measuring stick to assess themselves and their behavior, and defined which actions are allowed and which are forbidden, as opposed to their "former" society, which couldn't or wouldn't lay down rules. They are willing to accept the limitations Islamic law places on Muslims, thereby "putting order into their lives" after "a life of inanity" that they led before "discovering the light" of Islam that cleansed them from all their past sins and mistakes.[...]

One of the significant sources of converts in the USA is the prison system, and there, the overwhelming majority of converts are African Americans. Thousands of them see Islam as a return to roots dating from the days before their ancestors were sold into slavery. They generally do not know that the biggest slave traders were Muslim Arabs that overran idol-worshipping African villages and sold their inhabitants into slavery. And in Arabic, blacks are still called "slaves".[...]

Australia's most senior rabbi sent text message calling abuse victims' father a 'lunatic', royal commission hears

ABC Australia    Australia's most senior rabbi sent a text message calling a father whose children were molested at Melbourne's Yeshivah College a "lunatic" who neglected his children, the royal commission into child sexual abuse has heard.

Rabbi Meir Kluwgant admitted sending the message about Zephaniah Waks to the editor of the Australian Jewish News, Zeddy Lawrence, on February 3.

The Waks's lawyer Melinda Richards SC put it to the rabbi that he sent an SMS to Mr Lawrence which read: "Zephaniah is killing us, Zephaniah is attacking Chabad, he is a lunatic on the fringe, guilty of neglect of his own children, where was he when all this was happening?". [...]

Manny Waks posted a message on social media in which he called for Rabbi Kluwgant to resign or be sacked immediately "from every leadership position he currently holds".

"We have just heard the most senior rabbi of Australasia, Rabbi Meir Shlomo Kluwgant ... publicly admit to sending a shocking, vile message to the editor of the Australian Jewish News, viciously attacking my father (during his testimony at the RC, no less) and blaming him for the sexual abuse of his three children (myself included)," he wrote.

"Rabbi Kluwgant has been one of the leading forces behind the horrific intimidation campaign against me and my family.

"Until today it was difficult to prove. It has finally been exposed publicly."

More results from the Waks family's courage: Rabbi Abraham Glick resigned from Yeshivah College

The Age  The former principal of Yeshivah College from the period that sex offenders David Cyprys and David Kramer were abusing students has resigned as a teacher at the school.

Rabbi Abraham Glick was the principal of Melbourne's Yeshivah College between 1986 and 2007.

Asked at the Royal Commission on Institutional Responses to Child Abuse on Thursday whether he thought resigning from any remaining positions at the Yeshivah Centre and Yeshivah College "would assist the victims to move on from the wrongs of the past", he announced that, after much "soul searching", he had decided to resign as a teacher.

"I resigned because I felt that [will help meet the] needs of the victims that would want me to resign.

"In the interim... I will resign from any positions that I hold in the Yeshivah College. I [have] resigned from any association with the school because that's where the abuse took place and it was under my leadership. I haven't taken this lightly."

The rabbi, who is still a member of Yeshivah Centre's spiritual leadership, Vaad Ruchni, said he would also review his position there in light of the royal commission's findings.

He is the second person to resign since the commission began its hearing last week on Yeshivah Melbourne and Yeshiva Sydney's responses to child sexual abuse. Senior Sydney Rabbi Yosef Feldman resigned as a director of Yeshiva's board of management after his testimony on Wednesday.

On Thursday Rabbi Glick also denied victims' claims that he knew they had been sexually abused by Cyprys years before he, Cyprys, had been convicted of his crimes. Rabbi Glick said he only learned of this close to Cyprys' conviction in 2011. Cyprys is serving a five-year, six-month sentence for indecent assault charges against children from when he was involved in Yeshivah Centre's sporting, educational, religious and youth programs. [...]

Rabbi Glick apologised to victims, saying he felt "sickened" that they had been abused under his watch.

"I see that many mistakes were made. We should've been more vigilant. We should've responded better. I think that from 2007 we started that process. And today things are very different."

Under cross-examination by AVR's lawyer, Dr Kristine Hanscombe, QC, he conceded he had never before personally apologised to victims or offered them any help. [....]

Guest post wanted on topic: "We were very happily married for 20 years - and then she insisted on a divorce - turned the kids against me and left me penniless - I still don't know why."

update Friday: Bshch  published a strong warning from a beis din in Beitar. - against a therapist for allegedly promoting divorce  Have no personal knowledge about this but it was sent to me by a number readers as reflecting the ideas in this post

update Thursday - see The Ort Family tragedy

I would like a guest posts dealing with first person stories of  the commonly expressed lament I hear of husbands describing a happy marriage of many years, good relations with the children and then they woke up one morning with their wife requesting a divorce. The husband typically could not get the wife to explain what happened or why she wanted a divorce. After the request for divorce there are attempts to mediate by rabbis, friends and therapists - but they fail and the wife left - often taking the kids with her.  - often going to secular court without permission of beis din.

None of these mediators are able to get the wife to express to the husband what happened other than that the wives had a profound feeling of unhappiness that had been growing recently and a feeling that life was passing her by. At some point little attempt is made to reconcile and the husband is deliberately kept in the dark by the therapist and wife. Often the initial neutrality of the therapist is replaced by a decided bias in favor of  the wife's side and they form a coalition against the husband. In addition the therapist has no problem providing confidential information about the husband with the wife's mother or friends. Separate therapy sessions become the norm - rather than joint sessions. The sessions with the wife often revolve around how terrible the husband is or at least how incapable he is of truly being a good husband because of flimsily diagnoses of various psychological deficits or syndromes. Sessions with the husband are to prepare him for the fact that he is inadequate and incapable of making his wife happy. These therapy sessions often combined with feedback from "experts" who are good friends or relatives or lawyers - create an irresistible momentum for divorce at all costs including slandering the husband with charges of wife beating or sexually abusing the children.

Often these wives receive "advice" from friends and relatives to the fact that contrary to their feelings - they were very unhappy and their husband was taking advantage of them and clearly did not respect or value her as an equal. These "advisers" claimed that their husband's viewed them as a type of slave or servant providing various services because he viewed her as inherently inferior. The wife learned that what she had viewed as willing sacrifices for the husband's learning or for him to have a solid relationship with the children - were in fact proof that there was no value to her existence except as a facilitator for his needs. At some point the wife started viewing the husband as "the other" and stopped trusting him and refused to confide in him or even share experiences. 

The husband is often very inarticulate in expressing his feelings to his "new born wife". That is because for years they have shared a language and values that were viewed positively by both of them - and now the wife has a different negative understanding. Every time her husband opens his mouth - it just makes the barriers between them more impenetrable. Typically he doesn't realize this and keeps trying harder to push the buttons and say the words that used to work - but he ends up totally frustrated and angry as well as irritating her. The wife takes this additional proof that he is damaged goods. 

If this sounds familiar please submit your own story - with names and identifying statements removed. Also I am not interested in nasty things said about your ex-wife - just the facts. Also interested in those who deny that this pattern exists.

update====Just received the following response  from a prominent frum therapist ====

Rabbi Eidensohn:

Having worked with couples for many years, I have observed many situations, prior to my intervention, during, and after. There is probably no one with enough data to cite statistics.  But the experience I have, plus many of my colleagues does not point to either gender as the chief perpetrator of divorces. Let us establish a few matters that are not negotiable.

1. Humans were meant to marry and be happy A marriage that dissolves is abnormal, and it is tragic.

2. An old saying is that marriage is grand – divorce a hundred grand.

3. The peaceful divorce is possible, but it is a relatively uncommon experience. It is said, “People marry out of love; they divorce out of hate.”

4. Marriage is a gamble. If one does not “win”, it becomes necessary to face loss. No one wants to do that. It is seen as easier to shift the blame to the other. If not just the blame, then the outcome of the division of assets and resources (including the children) becomes ripe for declaring victory.

5. The systems of lawyers for court and toanim for batei din are ripe for exploitation. Cases are often prolonged, and settlements difficult to reach because of these outside sources of interference.

6. The complexities of the interplay of halacha and secular law provide enough fodder to gum up the works. This includes the use of court prior to beis din, the orders of protection that prevent conduct of the family, and the easy manipulation of the courts to provide emergency orders of custody, visitation, etc.

7. There are “professionals” of many persuasions that lend their incompetence and poor judgment to the mix. There are rabbonim, dayanim, toanim, and choson/kallah teachers, as well as “shalom bayis machers” who reach conclusions as per their preferences, independent of the facts. Many are poorly informed. The ignorance that allows one to fall for the tears of the borderline personalities, and the beliefs that men always perpetrate abuse while women are always the victims, the willingness to paint the facts into the foregone conclusions to rationalize them, and the disregard for the midoh of emes are legendary. Mental health professionals of all disciplines have been faulted for the negative roles they sometimes take.

8. Lastly, there are evil men and women out there, who will twist and turn everything they can to “win”. The craving of victory, as noted by the Chofetz Chaim, is the root of machlokes. This does not stop after separation, or even after divorce. With the observation of my colleagues and myself as the context, I hesitate to give any credence to the oft posted comments about all divorces being perpetrated by evil women or by evil men. With systems as they exist, including courts, batei din, public opinion, and media, there are tendencies to make generalizations that are unfounded. Each case needs to be examined on its own merit.

I have worked with true cases of domestic violence, and I have also worked with fabricated ones.  Who is the real victim?  Generalizations help no one.

One issue that was not reported in the recent guest post was the role of social influences. There are groups of women in the frum community, many who meet online, others face-to-face, that advise each other and conspire how to cause their husbands or ex-husbands the most damage, “using the system”. Without restricting free speech, one cannot successfully eliminate these social environments.  I have succeeded in getting some of my clients to abandon these groups, and to seek support from sources that help build them instead of destroying others.
************************

Seruv against Ziva Citronenbaum for going to arka'os and not beis din

Chabad Rabbi explains how important it is to help others- Lesson for Australia and Vienna?

The R Avraham Ort family tragedy: A Lakewood avreich forced to flee America after his wife asked for a divorce - but refused to go to beis din, his children are alienated and she took his inheritance of millions of dollars

I recently spent time listening to Rabbi Avraham Ort tragic story. How he went from a fulfilling and happy life of Torah study, a fine wife, wonderful children - all supported by an inheritance millions of dollars.- to an impoverished refugee, divorced and with all his children turned against him. What he said was shocking and I found it hard to believe this story. However the validation of what he told me - the details and full documentation (Letters from Rabbis) are on the site Emes VShalom . This is a case of someone  who says, "We were happy for many years then my wife asked for a divorce but I don't know why"

It boils down to his wife going to secular court - without permission of beis din and getting his inheritance from his father ($7,000,000). He was ordered to pay child support of $25,000 a month - however after being left penniless he left America to avoid the court created obligations. His children were told that their father left them penniless and that they subsisted on money from tzedaka. His children have been totally alienated and now hate him because of what they heard from their mother. He gave her a Get without a fight - even though it was his only real weapon against her use of the secular courts to bankrupt him.

At this point the goal  - agreed to by the gedolim - is that the issue needs to be settled in beis din. His wife has consistently refused despite the clear directives of the gedolim (Letters from Rabbis).

He has asked me to publicize his case to help create pressure on his former wife - with the hope that this Ort family tragedy be resolved through the involvement  of a proper beis din. I suggested that he write letters directed at his alienated children and that I would publish them.  The first letter will appear soon.

If his ex-wife would like to write her perspective on the events - I will be glad to publish it. Please take the  time to read the documentation on the Emes VShalom site

Rabbi James Kennard: Chabad's shameful response to injustice in Australia and Vienna

Guest post by Rabbi James Kennard, principal of one of Australia’s largest Jewish school

========================

In January 2014 I commented in the Australian Jewish News on the impending departure of the Rabbi of the Great Synagogue in Sydney, and suggested that one Modern Orthodox rabbi should be replaced with another, rather than a Chabadnik

This reasonable notion outraged the Chabad leadership in Australia to such an extent that, although unable to pen a reply themselves, they recruited Rabbi Schochet from London to write a hatchet-job, vehemently attacking both me and the very idea that not every synagogue needs to be led by a Chabad rabbi.

My response was a column, published in the Australian Jewish News on 13 February 2014 in which, inter alia, I detailed a number of moral failures that Chabad had shown in Australia and elsewhere. I complained about the lack of any call for the leadership to take responsibility for the child abuse and the cover-up in Melbourne; I referred to the support that the Chabad director and the Chabad organization in Vienna had given to an abusive husband and a corrupt court system that were conspiring against a suffering mother and her two children.

The answer was denial, vilification and threats. The avoidance of any responsibility for numerous acts of abuse in Melbourne and Sydney continued, together with the blaming of victims. Now, the tide begins to turn, but tearful apologies at the Royal Commission are far too little and far too late. And we still await the resignations and the completely fresh start that will demonstrate that the organization has learnt and changed.

It is possible that what is left of the reputation of Chabad in Australia may one day be redeemed, but that would be far in the future. Meanwhile, there is still a chance for Chabad to correct its appalling complicity with the injustice in Vienna. There is still time for the Chabad leadership to demand that Rabbi Biderman, the organizations director in that city cease ignoring the plight of this mother and her children, cease claiming to be “too busy” or “not able to interfere”, cease treating the abusive father as a respected member of his congregation, and start to actively assist the oppressed. As a very small first step, he could facilitate the weekly visits of the children to their mother, which the father is currently illegally denying since “he cannot find any way of arranging it” (Rabbi Biderman’s response to date has been to ignore this most modest suggestion entirely)

There is still time for supporters of Chabad worldwide to cease claiming that Vienna is “too far away” or “Rabbi Biderman is respected” or “there are always two sides to the story”. There are indeed two sides to this story; good and evil.

We are watching the claims by Chabad Rabbis in Australia that they did not know what was happening here unravel before our eyes. When Chabad is held to account for its role in the tragedy in Vienna, they will not even be able to cling to that excuse. They know and they look away. If Chabad genuinely wants to learn from its mistakes, the time for action is now.

Weiss supplement to motion to dismiss Rivky's allegations

Click to see - Initial Motion to dismiss allegations
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update This is one of the letters that Rivky wrote to a friend when she was allgedly being tortured, treated as a slave etc etc. You will notice that her letter indicates that she was having a great time. This letter was submitted others to Judge Cogan in the supplement motion below.

From: Rivky Weiss ....@gmail.com> Subject: Re: Photo from Feb 5, 2011

Date: February 14, 2011at11:25:16AM EST To: ..... @yahoo.com

thanks uch i miss you soooooo much i looooooooove it here just thinking of brooklyn depresses me thaey have so many government funded things for kids like a community center: center of town yea i made one really good friend plus other friendly friends and i have myh sis n law n my kids have couzins to play with etc i loooooooooooooooove it here my condo s gorgeouse it looks like a hotel cant describe its too nice lol

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   BW Supplement Motion 2-10-15