Incestual abuse - revealing it to in-laws

A rabbi who received this question sent it to me for my opinion on the
matter and gave me permission to publish it on this blog.
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Dear Rebbi,

I hope all is well.

Q. MY wife and I are wondering if we can tell my Mother about my wife
having been molested by her Dad.
The reasons are
- that the therapist first of all thinks we should, because if word gets
out (about my father in law) and my parents find out, they may
be"humiliated and upset we didn't tell them earlier.
- They would finally understand why we really are staying in Israel for
now and counting on their financial support.
- My wife would feel better if someone like my mom knew this, because it
would explain a lot of things my wife has a hard time with.

Shavua tov

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I made the following comments.
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A number of issues arise. 1) Did the father-in-law confess or is there
any evidence other than the wife's statement that the molesting took
place? 2) can the benefits be obtained without mentioning that it was
her father who was the molester? 3) if it wasn't likely that word would
get out does the therapist think there is any need to tell? 4) why is
financial support dependent upon the knowledge of molesting by the
father-in-law? 5) why isn't it enough for the wife that the therapist
know 6) did the father have therapy and is he considered a danger to
others? 7) Does the mother-in-law know that her daughter was molested by
her husband?

It seems that the reasons presented for revealing this information don't
seem natural and that it appears that the expected benefits can be
obtained without revealing the identity of the molester.

To answer your question - there is no question that if needed the
information can be revealed but as presented it seems to be that the
context has not been laid down properly. Therefore it shouldn't be done
since it would cause more harm than benefit unless more preparation is
done. I am also not sure the therapist is competent to deal with this

Conservative & Reform rabbis' employment in danger in many communities

Jewish Week

One of the little-discussed effects of the economic recession on the Jewish community is that more rabbis in the later stages of their careers are finding themselves out of work.

And that’s causing a good deal of bitterness and concern in the rabbinic community about the dwindling, and changing nature, of the profession.

“We’re seeing the end of the rabbinate as we know it,” a 56-year-old Reform rabbi insisted, noting that congregations today are looking for “comfort,” not challenges. “The intellectual tradition of the pulpit has died,” said the rabbi, who asked not to be named out of concern for the prospects for his next job search.

The data is sketchy and the reasons differ as to just why the rabbinic market is falling. But a number of people close to the situation say that with Conservative and Reform synagogues losing an estimated 20 to 30 percent of their membership, rabbis increasingly are the sacrificial lambs on the altar of congregational cost-saving.

Abraham’s Children in the Genome Era:

Sciencedirect

Jews originated as a national and religious group in the Middle East during the second millennium BCE¹ and have maintained continuous genetic, cultural, and religious traditions since that time, despite a series of Diasporas.² Middle Eastern (Iranian and Iraqi) Jews date from communities that were formed in the Babylon and Persian Empires in the fourth to sixth centuries BCE.^3,4 Jewish communities in the Balkans, Italy, North Africa, and Syria were formed during classical antiquity and then admixed with Sephardic Jews who migrated after their expulsion from the Iberian Peninsula in the late 15^th century.⁵ Ashkenazi Jews are thought to have settled in the Rhine Valley during the first millennium of the Common Era, then to have migrated into Eastern Europe between the 11^th and 15^th centuries, although alternative theories involving descent from Sorbs (Slavic speakers in Germany) and Khazars have also been proposed.^6,7 Admixture with surrounding populations had an early role in shaping world Jewry, but, during the past 2000 years, may have been limited by religious law as Judaism evolved from a proselytizing to an inward-looking religion.⁸

Earlier genetic studies on blood groups and serum markers suggested that Jewish Diaspora populations had Middle Eastern origin, with greater genetic similarity between paired Jewish populations than with non-Jewish populations.^9–11 These studies differed in their interpretation of the degree of admixture with local populations. Recent studies of Y chromosomal and mitochondrial DNA haplotypes have pointed to founder effects of both Middle Eastern and local origin, yet the issue of how to characterize Jewish people as mere coreligionists or as genetic isolates that may be closely or loosely related remains unresolved.^12–16 To improve the understanding about the relatedness of contemporary Jewish groups, genome-wide analysis and comparison with neighboring populations was performed for representatives of three major groups of the Jewish Diaspora: Eastern European Ashkenazim; Italian, Greek, and Turkish Sephardim; and Iranian, Iraqi, and Syrian Mizrahim (Middle Easterners).

Mental health needs of senior citizens are greatly neglected

NYTimes

Now, a growing number of experts are calling for integrating mental health professionals into all levels of communities for the rising population of aging Americans, from nursing homes to assisted-living centers.

Gary Kennedy, the director of geriatric psychiatry at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx, says psychological care is “equally if not more important than” medical care for this group. “Health policy continues to lag behind the reality that these are now mental health facilities,” Dr. Kennedy said of communities for the elderly.

While Alzheimer’s receives the lion’s share of public attention, garden-variety depression, anxiety and sleep disorders also accompany old age. Particularly for late-life depression, Dr. Agronin points to data assembled by the psychiatry department at the University of California, San Francisco, supporting behavioral and group therapy, treatment rarely tried with patients from generations typically considered averse to discussing such issues.

But treatment that focuses on talking, rather than on medical procedures, has a lower Medicare reimbursement rate. The economic difficulties may explain why more doctors have not entered the time-intensive field.

Trivialization of the Holocaust by making it the Lesson on All Evils

NYTimes

Before you are submerged within the museum’s theatrically darkened central galleries, before you learn how the cafes and intellectual life of the Weimar Republic gradually gave way to the annihilationist racial fantasies Hitler outlined in “Mein Kampf” — before, that is, you experience a variation of the Holocaust narrative with its wrenching genocidal climax — there are other trials a visitor to the Museum of Tolerance here must pass through.

You must first choose a door. One is invitingly labeled “Unprejudiced”; the other, illuminated in red, screams “Prejudiced.” No contest. But one door doesn’t open; the other does. Here, evidently, we must admit we are all prejudiced, not just the guards at Auschwitz.

As proof, below a streaming news ticker (“Gay Basher Gets 12 Years”) are panels about “Confronting Hate in America”: Two Latinos are beaten on Long Island; a white supremacist shoots Jews in Los Angeles; a Sikh is murdered in a post-9/11 “hate crime”; a homosexual student is brutally murdered in Wyoming. On one panel is a description of the Oklahoma City bombing; on another, the attacks of 9/11. [....]

Father of Intifada big lie - al-Durrah- wins lawsuit against Israeli doctor for exposing truth

YNET

A French court ruled Friday against Dr. David Yehuda, an Israeli doctor who was sued for slander by Jamal al-Durrah, the father of Second Intifada symbol Muhammad al-Durrah.

The Israeli doctor, an orthopedic surgeon who operated Jamal al-Durrah, exposed details from his medical file and claimed that his scares were the result of a surgery, and were not caused by IDF fire.

Following the verdict, Dr. Yehuda said that he intends to appeal the sentence.

"In the past two years I've been fighting the State of Israel's just war. This is a terrible scam. I feel hurt and a personal sense of insult," he said. "Again they are trampling and twisting the truth…I can already see the negative results and a new wave of hatred to come out of Europe."

Victim faces her molester stepfather

CNN

Tracy Ross talks to Donnie Lee, who admitted to sexually abusing her between 25 and 50 times.

In Shift, Egypt Warms to Iran and Hamas, Israel’s Foes

NYTimes

Egypt is charting a new course in its foreign policy that has already begun shaking up the established order in the Middle East, planning to open the blockaded border with Gaza and normalizing relations with two of Israel and the West's Islamist foes, Hamas and Iran.

Egyptian officials, emboldened by the revolution and with an eye on coming elections, say that they are moving toward policies that more accurately reflect public opinion. In the process they are seeking to reclaim the influence over the region that waned as their country became a predictable ally of Washington and the Israelis in the years since the 1979 peace treaty with Israel.

The first major display of this new tack was the deal Egypt brokered Wednesday to reconcile the secular Palestinian party Fatah with its rival Hamas. "We are opening a new page," said Ambassador Menha Bakhoum, spokeswoman for the Foreign Ministry. "Egypt is resuming its role that was once abdicated." [....]

OU alternative communities fair

Jewish Star

There is affordable housing and day school tuition breaks, but can South Bend, Indiana, really coax a young Jewish family to leave the comforts of New York? “I thought I’d be living in New York for the rest of my life,” said Moshe Gubin, 34, a former resident of Kew Gardens Hills. “I was visiting my in-laws in South Bend and my wife wanted to live near her parents,” Gubin said. Although the move meant a pay cut and a long commute to Chicago for work, Gubin is not looking back. He attended the Orthodox Union’s Emerging Jewish Communities Fair on March 27 at the Grand Hyatt Hotel in Manhattan. The event was facilitating New York Jews to move across the Hudson River and beyond.

“I have a big lawn, a four bedroom home with a two-car garage for only $89,000,” Gubin said. While South Bend does not come close to New York in terms of amenities, the basic Orthodox services such a day school, mikvah, and eruv are a requirement for participation in the fair. “There has to be an infrastructure for the community to grow, and the other requirement is incentives, such as job opportunities and discounts in tuition and housing,” said Frank Buchweitz, OU special projects director. The third annual fair drew 37 communities from Maine to California.

Alongside Arizona and Kansas, five Long Island communities attended the fair, with real estate as the focus of their pitch. “These communities said to us that they are also OU members and are trying to grow with the same efforts,” Buchweitz said. The five Nassau communities were Long Beach, Merrick, Oceanside, Plainview, and Roslyn.

NYC couple who split house with wall get divorce

CBS

A feuding couple who built a wall through their house because neither husband nor wife would give it up were granted a divorce after six years and hundreds of thousands of dollars in attorneys' fees.

But the legal battles may not be over for Simon and Chana Taub, whom the media likened to Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner's warring spouses in the 1989 film "The War of the Roses."

Chana Taub is unhappy with the judge's order to sell the divided Brooklyn house, plus two others, and split the proceeds with her soon-to-be ex-husband, said her lawyer, Neil Iovino. She plans to appeal.

"She's now in a position to be dispossessed," Iovino said. "She was most upset that the properties in her name and especially the property she lives in should be sold."

Cuomo: NY law sheds 24,000 sex offenders from Web

Wall Street Journal

A New York law is credited with removing 24,000 sex offenders from Internet social networking sites nationwide.

The law proposed by then-Attorney General Andrew Cuomo requires sex offenders registered with the state to provide all their screen names and e-mail addresses, with regular updates. The information is sent to two dozen social networking sites which then block the offenders.

Cuomo, now governor, says the law passed by the Legislature in 2008 is one of the most effective means to protect children from sex offenders in the nation.

White Institute Conference: Understanding & Treating Sexual Abuse in the Orthodox Jewish World

The presenters will include both expert psychologists and psychoanalysts from the Institute as well as rabbis who are experts on the halachic and theological considerations concerning sexual abuse in the Orthodox community.
 
Rabbi Yosef Blau who is on the Rabbinic Committee of the Jewish Board of Advocates for Children, and Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn, who has edited a groundbreaking book on Domestic Violence and Child Abuse that includes chapters written by several of JBAC's officers and executive committee members will join Drs. Alison Feit, Richard Gartner and Julie Marcuse in discussion and presentation of the complex cultural, religious and psychological dynamics involved in working with survivors in our community.
 
This historic event is recommended both for experienced clinicians who treat survivors of abuse, as well as for rabbis, teachers, school and camp administrators, victims advocates, community leaders and anyone else who finds themselves in a position to be of assistance to survivors of abuse.  
 
The Jewish Board of Advocates for Children is offering a limited number of scholarships based on need, for those who wish to attend but cannot afford to.  Please email me to apply.  Survivors for Justice is also providing some scholarships ---

Dr. Asher Lipner
email -  lipnera@gmail.com