Monday, July 7, 2014

Rivky Stein & Yoel Weiss: A therapist's distressing overview of frum divorce

I just received the following comments with permission to post them anonymously - from a respected therapist with extensive experience with the frum community. It is a shameful reality, that therapists, rabbis and lay leaders - have to be afraid of being harassed or sued if they openly talk about the problems of an adversarial divorce where each side feels they need to level the field by gaming the system - to get even partial justice. 

Anyone who deals with divorce is aware of the lies and exaggerations that are made as well as the injustice and insensitivity and the incredible amount of time and money required. However these lies or false accusation tend to be more often by women who feel that it is necessary to compensate for the  biases of the system.This therapist adds the excellent suggestion to evaluate for borderline personality - especially in this case. Hopefully he will agree to my request to offer suggestions to improve the system.
==============================================

Guest Post:

I am reading the Yoeli Weiss story, and hesitated to comment. I am aware of much of the story in this case, and I am also involved in quite a few cases in which I am witnessing a similar pattern. Yoeli actually nails it quite well in his position paper that is the most current post on your site. He calls attention to the use of the Internet, including but not limited to YouTube clips, various websites including her own, and the social media to discredit him and win her case in the court of public opinion. The difficulty in all this is that anyone who reaches conclusions based on a system in which שמוע בין אחיכם has not been followed has zero credibility, and this includes rabbonim and dayanim who do exactly this on a regular basis.

I am not someone who takes a side with either gender. I have publicly stated that my experience includes evil, nasty men and evil, nasty women. There are no statistics, as are commonly found with “advocates” who tout them as if they are fact. I need to judge each case on its own merit. If it were not a breach of confidentiality, I would provide names and contact info for the spouses who I sided against, who would testify that even though I advocated for their litigating spouse, I was neither vicious, nor even judgmental. I, in fact, do not affiliate myself with any organizations, as I find all of them biased and prejudicial.

Yet, the systems in place to address domestic violence are universal in assuming that the perpetrators are the men, and the women are the victims. This system is open to abuse, and it is frequently exploited. I have had many cases of reverse abuse, where fabricated allegations were used to destroy innocent people. Support groups for women struggling in their marriages regularly trade advice about how to do their husbands in. Some rabbonim told me that my estimate of 50% fabrication in DV accusations/arrests is way below what they see (claiming closer to 70%). To date, NYS has never prosecuted false police reporting for DV, but there is a technical violation.

While I have an opinion about the Weiss/Stein case, I note that the presence of fiction in the widely publicized cases is overwhelming. This case is not anomalous. There is pressure to “even the playing field” because husbands in marital conflict are apt to “withhold” a get. Actually, that happens less often than portrayed. In reality, the husbands accept the sound advice that the get is the final severing of the relationship (known as krisus), and once there is an agreement, one proceeds with the get. When women create fabrications that lend support to their claim for full custody, limited and supervised visitation, and unrealistic demands for support and maintenance (alimony), plus countless other possible unilateral demands, agreements cannot be reached. While I do not pasken shailos, I am supportive that men who are being handled unfairly with regard to visitation obtain a psak-heter to take the issue to Family Court to insure their access to their children.

Borderline Personality is one of those conditions that is nearly impossible to insist that a man tolerate, and these gittin are characteristically conflictual and dramatic. It would be reasonable to expect this case to at least be evaluated for that issue.

I have had difficulty in writing comments on your site. Sometimes browser incompatibility, recently the need to register with Disqus. (I do not register anywhere.) In addition, I never use my name in comments, especially since litigious people will attack me for breaches of confidentiality, even if they were not clients. However, I felt that my sentiments about the subject are worth sharing with you. You may pass on these comments on your blog, but please do not use my name or any other identifier.

I am agreeable to correspond with you on this painful subject offline.

61 comments :

  1. Not only is the laws and courts and the system itself stacked in favor of women by default, the system offers women the ability, as the above writer says, to falsely game the system even more in her favor using a whole host of false charges with police authorities and false accusations in court filings. These points are true for all couples, Jew or Gentile, caught in the system. Specifically for Jews who are subject to halacha, which takes precedence when in conflict with secular law, even more issues as it allows the woman to violate halacha by forcibly applying secular law and courts rather than Jewish law and courts as is required. As a result, men are left with no other alternative than declining to issue the Get until she stops trampling his halachic rights.

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Author of Guest Post:

    I'm not a therapist, but I have investigated many frum divorce cases, and many of them seem to fit the patterns you're describing. In general both the "frum" legal/social system and the state family law systems tend to exhibit a strong anti-male bias. Vindictive women in divorce conflicts can usually easily exploit the anti-male gender biases in both the "frum" and civil systems.

    It does seem necessary for professionals to analyze the psychological state of the women conducting intense divorce conflicts. You addressed some of the GITTIN issues and you also mentioned Borderline Personality (disorder). However would you agree that in many cases the GET issue is simply being exploited as a pretext and a bludgeon against the husbands allegedly withholding it? So that women exhibiting BPS intense rage are likely to continue their vindictive warfare against their ex-husbands even after they receive a GET?

    "People with BPD feel emotions more easily, more deeply and for longer than others do. Emotions may repeatedly resurge and persist a long time. Consequently it may take longer than normal for people with BPD to
    return to a stable emotional baseline following an intense emotional
    experience."
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you for this post.

    I would like to suggest a partial solution, that we - as a community - can do to help alleviate some of the problems these divorces create.

    We need to create communal awareness about custody battles. Proper awareness can make it that any parent that alienates a child from the other parent would be embarrassed to walk the streets. We, as a community, should shun any parent who alienates children from the other parent.

    We can create a Parental Alienation List, much like the Jewish Press' "siruv" list. It would be hung in every neighborhood, every Shul and every street corner.

    If a person has an issue with a parent of their child and would like to divorce, that is one thing. Attempting to alienate a child from the other parent is never acceptable. Slandering their child's parent is not either acceptable.

    Creating an awareness of the unacceptability of certain behaviors among divorcing couples would resolve much of the "agunah" problem in which people feel the Torah is against the woman.

    Men and women are different. Their differences are not just physical, but emotional as well. Between 66 to 80+ percent of divorces are initiated by women!

    There are times when a woman is upset and has issues with her relationship. She may feel that the easiest way to remedy her situation is to bolt and abandon her marriage. At times, it may seem easier to run away from life's challenges than to face them head on and deal with it.

    If she has children, this will present a problem to her desire to bolt - as there will always be a connection to her former spouse.

    So, enter the miserable solution - cut the father out of the childrens lives. This way, she can make a clean break and not have to deal with any consequences. However, if we do not accept parental alienation, then there are a certain amount of women who the seek to improve their marriage rather than divorce.

    In cases of very bad marriages, both spouses will be easily agreeable to divorce. They will also be willing to settle custody and financial issues in a reasonable way. The get issues are usually when one spouse seeks to severe while the other would like to salvage the marriage.


    The amount of these "agunos" would be much, much smaller.

    I would like to be clear. If a spouse feels that her marriage is that bad, and it is impossible to fix other than divorce, then that is their decision. However, there are consequences to divorce. They won't be able to have their children whenever they would like to. They will have to co-parent with a person that they do not like.


    How can we begin a serious campaign of bringing awareness of the horrible consequences, and just horrible behavior of parental alienation?

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Some rabbonim told me that my estimate of 50% fabrication in DV
    accusations/arrests is way below what they see (claiming closer to 70%)."


    How do they make the difference between cases where the supposedly abused spouse could not prove that abuse took place and the smaller number of cases where the alleged abuser could prove that abuse did not take place?


    I think that in your 50 or 70% there is a large grey area of he said-she said, where it cannot be determined who says the truth. You cannot count these cases as false allegations, they are merely unproven allegations.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @guest post author:

    What, according to you, is a "just" settlement in a case where there are two small children (a boy age 4 and a girl age 3), where the mother was the primary care-giver, the father works full time and earns 30'000 $ a year, the mother works part-time and earns 5'000 $ per year?
    The wife makes no claim on marital assets, except for 10'000$ she brought into the marriage.

    How is the settlement result of the beith din different from the result of a civil court?

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Support groups for women struggling in their marriages regularly trade advice about how to do their husbands in."
    Could you provide evidence for this allegation?

    ReplyDelete
  7. You stated in the past that your marriage was completely happy and peaceful, until, all of a sudden, Rivka walked out on you on July 2, 2012.


    And all of a sudden she developed borderline personality disorder?


    Those two statements hardly seem consistent.


    If she has borderline peronnality disorder, why would you want to stay married to her?


    If you don't want to stay married to her, why don't you give her get? You can see that your withholding the get will not prompt her to compromise on the settlement. So you will have to rely on the family court for settlement anyway, and according to the papers you published, they are treating you fairly.


    What is the get-withholding for?

    ReplyDelete
  8. fedupwithcorruptrabbisJuly 7, 2014 at 3:49 PM

    @Yoeli Sorry that you are going thru this difficult time in your life.Just know that I have studied mental illness and found out that in many cases childbirth is a "BUTTON" that triggers certain psychologic events

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Register - You can feed us your obfuscation and doubletalk all day if you like, but there is overwhelming evidence of support groups who incite women against their husbands and who judge and convict Jewish husbands without any regard for Jewish law and ethics.



    We see heavy handed feminist injustice once again in the present Weiss divorce case, including the utterly fraudulent "psak" and "seruv" wielded against the husband.



    Here's just a brief sample of comments from the RedeemRivky Facebook page that demonstrate the vile misandrist hatred and hypocritical rage of the feminist "agunah" activists:

    "...Like Adolf Hitler, the face of Yoel Weiss is now associated by the entire world as the mark of evil. Like Adolf Hitler, Yoel Weiss too seeks to make Jews suffer. Yoel Weiss you too are hated by all...MAY G-D MAKE YOUR LIFE VERY SHORT. AMEN. "

    "He's a bastards. As Confucius say....a dick Is a dick and sometimes it
    needs to be completely cut off.......someone needs to do a bobbit on
    him...., "

    "I hope he rots in hell !!!!!!!!!!!!!that Peace of S***!!!!!!!!!"

    "Cut his nuts out"

    "if she is not given the get she can do anything to get it, even to the
    point of breaking his bones as stated in halacha. so if it means
    getting her ex arrested or suing her dieing father inlaw thats all
    fear game"

    "I actually believe violence in these scenarios are the most effective
    way to end the torment of the abused women. Who would be opposed to Yoel getting a nice beating till he agrees to give his estranged wife
    a get? I wouldn't. So why are so many within our own community so
    hesitant to support a few Rabbis who were framed in a get case of a
    recalcitrant husband who refuses the issuing of a get? They are
    facing 20 years of jail time. Unimaginable. "

    ReplyDelete
  10. One problem with your proposal is that it is very hard for outsiders to distinguish between "alienating children from the other parent" and "protecting children from an abusive parent"


    No, it isn't. Why is it that only AFTER the parent decided to divorce that they "saw" how abusive the parent is?
    Even if the parent was indeed abusive to the child (a rarity), why shouldn't there be serious visitation, albeit supervised?


    Again, serious abuse is a rarity. It is not common, the way all these "agunas" are doing it. Let's have some compassion on these agunas and save them from themselves. Let's enable them to receive their get easily. That will only happen if we stop their attempts at parental alienation.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think that family courts now tend to do what you, honesty, propose.

    They tend to give shared legal custody, ample visitation time (Yoel has every other week from thursday after to school to monday before school), they tend to insist that the primary caregiver goes to work as soon as this is possible, they tend to give at least supervised visitation when there are claims of abuse (in Yoel's case they even gave unsupervised visitation, but transition at school in order to respect the Order of Protection).

    That's why I want to know: what exactly are the differences - as far as the results are concerned - between a settlement imposed by a Beith Din and a settlement imposed by a family court, the situation being equal?

    ReplyDelete
  12. There is an easy solution: give the get, than you are not vulnerable to "bludgeons" from "feminist political groups".

    It is not as if there was no solution for the person to escape the campaign...

    ReplyDelete
  13. No, according to Yoel, his family was perfectly happy, no psychological issues, until July 2, 2012. So according to Yoel, this has nothing to do with the births.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Slandering is not acceptable, trying to alienate is not acceptable.

    Protecting oneself and the children is acceptable.

    The problem is: to outsiders, it is not always easy to tell the difference between those two...

    ReplyDelete
  15. You have it wrong, and your manipulating the truth.


    There is no order of protection in affect, the only reason for the transition at school is due to Rivky being so difficult to work with and always coming up with excuses as to why she is not there, the judge saw through her and her lies, and came up with the best situation to avoid those problems in the future.


    As others have commented, most of the times in a divorce the woman tries to show they have difficulty working things out with the husband and therefore want to get full custody and just share visitation.


    The major difference between a bais din and the courts are as follows.


    Anytime the court demands the husband pay the wife sums not inline with halacha, the wife is stealing.


    The bais din issues its rulings based on proven facts ad halacha, the court issues rulings based on the feeling of the judge and the arguments of lawyers, not halacha.

    ReplyDelete
  16. That's another lie, according to Yoel they have gone to a therapist in the past.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Going to family court and having a prolonged court battle is expensive and emotionally taxing.


    My proposition would have prevented Rivkie from being an "agunah" now. She would have had a get two years ago. (Or she would have sought the help to save her marriage,if possible.)


    The courts may have helped. But only after so much money was invested, and so much time wasted. To top it off,we have this horrible media campaign going on as well. They have all lost. Compassion would have us - the community - prevent these types of war from happening in the first place. That would be through shunning those that seek to alienate children from a parent.

    ReplyDelete
  18. 1) Many women try to suffer in silence thinking it is better to put up with abuse that break up the family. Only when they reach the breaking point are they willing to talk about it. Thus the correlation between filing for divorce and reporting the abuse. This is, unfortunately, particularly true in frum communities where it is quite common to blame the victim of abuse, especially if they report to authorities.


    2) Serious abuse is, unfortunately, not so rare as all that. I couldn't find reliable statistics for the frum community, but in 2005 the US department of HHS reported 900,00 confirmed cases of child abuse and neglect, about 1.2% of the nation's children in one year, 2005. Experts believe a greater amount goes unreported. And just how common are these widely publicized knock-down battles over gittin? Far less than 1% of families.

    ReplyDelete
  19. and Yoel lied as to why they went to that therapist. Being that I know why they were referred to him, Weiss insider, I know it was about Yoel's abuse and not Rivky's issues. And in another post you told me to remember that lies get punished. I hope you take your own advice.

    ReplyDelete
  20. My name is Elizabeth, From USA ,and I’m
    happily married with a lovely husband and three children.I had a very
    big problem with my husband few months ago,to the extent that he even
    packed his things away from our house. He left I and and my kids for
    almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring him
    back.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an
    advice concerning a spell caster, that he is the only one that can
    handle my situations and problem,that he’s always ready and able to do
    anything related to spell casting and helping of the needy, Please every
    every one i would like you all to contact him with his email
    address,which is as follows.”orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com".
    I never believed in spell casting,but My friend convinced me and i had
    no choice than to follow my friend advice,because i never dreamed of
    loosing my lovely Husband. And i contacted him with his email
    address,and i discussed with him all my problems and worries and so
    surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my husband back a day after. I
    didn't believed Him, until when i got home,the next day,my husband
    called me to inform me that he is coming back home…..So Amazing!! That’s
    how i got my back through spell casting and our relationship was
    stronger than ever. One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it
    to the people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by
    Dr. Olodumare. So! my advice to you out there is to visit this same
    E-mail address,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any
    condition related to love issue or getting your ex back or and problem
    at all, please Contact him and have a happy life. you can contact him
    via email (orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com )


    CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com
    AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT
    INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

    ReplyDelete
  21. My name is Elizabeth, From USA ,and I’m
    happily married with a lovely husband and three children.I had a very
    big problem with my husband few months ago,to the extent that he even
    packed his things away from our house. He left I and and my kids for
    almost 5 months,and i tried all my possible best and effort to bring him
    back.I discussed it with a very good friend of mine,and he gave me an
    advice concerning a spell caster, that he is the only one that can
    handle my situations and problem,that he’s always ready and able to do
    anything related to spell casting and helping of the needy, Please
    every one i would like you all to contact him with his email
    address,which is as follows.”orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com".
    I never believed in spell casting,but My friend convinced me and i had
    no choice than to follow my friend advice,because i never dreamed of
    loosing my lovely Husband. And i contacted him with his email
    address,and i discussed with him all my problems and worries and so
    surprisingly,he told me that I’ll get my husband back a day after. I
    didn't believed Him, until when i got home,the next day,my husband
    called me to inform me that he is coming back home…..So Amazing!! That’s
    how i got my back through spell casting and our relationship was
    stronger than ever. One of the price i was asked to pay was to tell it
    to the people around me that problems like this,can always be solved by
    Dr. Olodumare. So! my advice to you out there is to visit this same
    E-mail address,and tell him your problems too,if you are in any
    condition related to love issue or getting your ex back or and problem
    at all, please Contact him and have a happy life. you can contact him
    via email (orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com )

    CONTACT HIM TODAY VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS: orikiolodumarespelltemple@gmail.com
    AS HIS POWERS ARE SO STRONG AND VERY EFFECTIVE AND HAS NO BAD EFFECT
    INSTEAD IT HAVE A VERY GOOD RESULT AFTER CASTING THE SPELL.

    ReplyDelete
  22. And just how common are these widely publicized knock-down battles over gittin? Far less than 1% of families.

    That is incorrect. In Frum divorce cases, the attempts at parental alienation is above the 50% range. There is a disproportionate amount of divorce cases that turn into big legal battles in the Frum world compared to secular society. Speak with any Family Court judge in New York, or lawyers in the Frum community.

    This is what needs to battled by us, as a community.

    Serious abuse is, unfortunately, not so rare as all that..... about 1.2%

    Let's assume this 1.2% is the number in the Frum community. (I wonder if the Frum community has a smaller percentage than that of secular society.)

    Currently, the divorce rate in the Frum community is (at least) at about 15%. Half of those cases have a parent attempting to alienate children. That's 7.5% of children are attempted to be alienated. That's attempted alienation at least 7 times as much as there is abuse.

    These cases of alienation is not about protecting children - it is about abusing children! Alienating children from their parent is a form of abuse! We, as a community, have to stop tolerating this form of abuse and shun the abusers. Like the therapist wrote, the womens groups teach and encourage the women to attempt parental alienation.

    Many women try to suffer in silence thinking it is better to put up with abuse than break up the family...



    This sounds like a bunch of conjecture. Do you have any studies backing this up? Numbers? I don't think you're correct.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Rabbi Eidensohn,

    Please see Rivky's facebook page today. Aside from a new media outlet she pandered herself to in a new video, it says:

    "Stay tuned for info about our rally to demand that Yoel Weiss give Rivky Stein a Get."



    It appears as though the non-Orthodox Jew Shira Dicker is about to organize a rally in Boro Park in for.t of the husband's house against him. I think it is imperative that whenever this rally is scheduled for, that there be a much larger and louder counter-rally outsizing the fake aguna rally and drowning them out with a larger attendance and using louder and bigger loudspeakers decrying Rivky's chillul Hashem and her falsely accusing her husband in public.


    The time to organize this counter-rally is now.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I agree. Count me in! Let's indeed create this counter rally decrying the chillul Hashem and unacceptability of the tactics Ms. Stein and her handlers are using.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I can't wait to see the faces of Moe and "Honesty" and all the advocates of get-extortion.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Rivky was suffering physiological issues during the marriage that needed to be addressed by a mental health professional.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Absolutely. We have a democratic constitutional right of free speech to counter-rally whenever they rally. The counter-rally can take place on the husband's property shouting-out any rally in front of the house. The counter-rally can aside from being on the husband's property also be in front of the property and all around it. It will surely outsize the rally as all the neighbors, friends and most of the neighborhood will come out in support of Yoeli at the counter-rally. He can have Hatzalah members come blaring their sirens to drown out the few women the wife and her handlers bring. He can have loudspeakers setup over and on his home blasting the wife for her sick activities. He can have his friends hold signs saying

    "Rivky Stein stop your kidnapping!"

    "Rivky Stein stop your lies!"

    "Rivky Stein stop your harassment!"

    "Rivky Stein stop using shmutzy tabloids to sell yourself and your story!"

    "Rivky Stein stop using the children as your pawns!"

    "Rivky Stein stop filing false police complaints!"

    The counter-rally can blare these messages over the microphone and carry their signs in front of the rally.

    ReplyDelete
  28. David, I agree with you.

    the few women the wife and her handlers bring.



    It will probably be more than a few women. ORA has made these types of rallies before. They can probably get 50+ bleeding heart liberal men. You need to find out when they plan to rally, and set up a counter rally. You should probably begin signing people up for your rally now.


    Please post the information here, and BE"H, I will show up.

    ReplyDelete
  29. I have no idea where you get those statistics and they are certainly inconsistent with my experience, which is that every frum couple I know who got divorced managed to do so without a public fight over gittin or child custody.

    ReplyDelete
  30. they are certainly inconsistent with my experience, which is that every frum couple I know who got divorced managed to do so without a public fight over gittin or child custody.


    I did not say public fight. But, a serious fight, nevertheless. A prolonged court case, the toanim sending letters from their concocted botei din etc.; the orders of protection; veiled accusations of child abuse/molestation (but just covered up enough not to get suid for slander) etc. etc. This is consistent with anyone who has dealt with people in these situations, or just take a look-see around with the people you know who've gotten divorced. It happens in over 50% of Frum divorces, sadly.


    We - as a community - have to put up a stand and make it clear that this type of behavior is unacceptable. We have to make it clear that we view the people playing these dirty games very negatively. This will put a stop to it. It will also put a stop to gitten being withheld, as there will not be a need for it.

    ReplyDelete
  31. By public fight, I did not mean only warring claims on the internet or in the Jewish papers--I meant the kind of thing you are talking about. Even in the cases I know where the ex-spouses complained bitterly about each other no get was withheld, nor did the spouses use the children as weapons. The one case I know like that involved a non-Jewish coworker of my wife.



    I agree with you that the community should not have tolerance for false accusations of abuse. But also no tolerance for abuse, or for withholding gittin to extort money.

    ReplyDelete
  32. actually not. she went to a therapist because of the abuse. you can twist the truth every which way but I know the names of the rabbonim and therapists that were involved -- and, guess what, the referral was for the abuse Yoeli and his wife were inflicting. AND, if there is any therapist that is claiming to have known otherwise, you can bet your bottom dollar that it is a newly-paid-off-by the Weisses therapist who never saw Rivky during her marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  33. ah, you three men -- you sound like Yoeli now in his rant when he spewed the venomous "rivky has to understand that no one gives a BLEEP about her." you are hoping that "only a few women" will care enough about her to show up. Sad, but there was a time when Shivtei Yisroel, real men, were willing to go to battle for the honor and dignity of their sister. How far we've strayed, when men want to harm already-harmed women!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sad, but there was a time when Shivtei Yisroel, real men, were willing to go to battle for the honor and dignity of their sister.


    \Honer and dignity?!
    1)Exposing yourself to the Daily Mail, and the other rags, is honorable and dignified???
    2) Your Youtube video is honorable and dignified?

    3) Your bogus "Bet Din" "ruling" is honorable and dignified?


    Yes, stopping this abusive slanderous behavior is battling for the honer and dignity of bnos and bnei Yisroel.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Response to: " In reality, the husbands accept the sound advice that the get is the
    final severing of the relationship (known as krisus), and once there is
    an agreement, one proceeds with the get." The main purpose of the Get is to permit the husband and wife to seek remarriage. Why should it be necessary to work out an agreement regarding the division of property, financial support, child custody and visitation before a get can be issued? The Get does not contain any of these agreements. These agreements can be worked out on their own merits with greater justice after the Get is given. Before the Get is given, an unscrupulous husband may make unfair demands in the hope that his wife will agree to such unreasonable conditions because of her desperation to be free to remarry. The wife may be afraid to claim her fair rights because of the fear of her husband withholding the Get. This violates the Torah's requirement of justice.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Please see the STANDARDS AND GUIDELINES WITH RESPECT TO GET PROCEEDINGS AT THE BETH DIN OF AMERICA, item 10
    (http://www.bethdin.org/docs/PDF9-Get_standards_and_proceedings.pdf)

    10. When a husband and wife agree to come to the Beth Din to adjudicate financial (and where appropriate, custodial) matters relating to the end of their marriage, the Beth Din of America finalizes the Get at the beginning of the proceeding between the parties.

    ReplyDelete
  37. @Yerachmiel the Charedi position is that the get go last. This is mentioned a number of times in Igros Moshe. The Beis Din of America does not carry much weight in this matter.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Or an unscrupulous wife may make demands for money, marital assets or custody that she is not halachicly entitled to using non-Jewish secular law and court to obtain it. If so, she is violating her husband's halachic rights and thus he may withhold the halachic Get until she stops violating his halachic rights and reverses any damage she caused him.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Rabbi Michael TzadokJuly 16, 2014 at 5:51 PM

    1) Who is the BDA to overthrow centuries of Torah literature. Everyone says that all other matters have to be first be settled, and then the Get is given. The burden of proof lies with you to show why the traditional means of dissolving a Jewish marriage must change.

    2) The primary purpose of the Get is NOT to permit remarriage, it is to severe completely both in legal and spiritual terms the marital union, and to a greater extent the relationship between the two. For this reason the Get should be last.

    3) Are there men that will try to abuse the Get in order to extort things from their wives? Yes. There are also women who once they get their Get according to the BDA, run off to a secular court and sue their husbands against any and all halakha. In fact you can read one such tale here:
    http://gaveaget.blogspot.co.il/

    The difference is that the B"D retains certain powers to help the wife if the husband truly is a get extortionist. Once the Get is given though, there is nothing that can be done, religiously speaking, to help the husband.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I have read the relevant parts of http://gaveaget.blogspot.co.il , which states:

    "Bais Din Wins!!

    The Appellate Division has reversed the Supreme Court Judge in the Brisman v. HAFTR case.

    What makes this ruling very interesting is the Appellate's statement that the rules for denying confirmation of the arbitrators ruling are "Very narrow". There is now way that the Judge's ruling in this case could fall into those limits. See CPLR 7511.

    The Law gives huge amounts of power to Arbitrators once the arbitration agreement has been signed. When we originally read the Lower Court's decision, it was possible that the Bais Din had overstepped the boundaries defined by the Shtar Brurin and that was one of HAFTR's key arguments. Even so, the Appellate confirmed their decision. My Shtar Brurin is all inclusive since it states "all issues". It is clear that the Bais Din was within its rights when it issued the Psak!"

    The BDA says "Prior to the commencement of a din torah (arbitration hearing), the baalei din (litigants) must sign a shtar berurin (binding arbitration agreement)."

    From the above decision, we see that civil courts generally recognize the shtar berurin to be legally binding, so how can women who have signed the shtar berurin and received their Get run off to a secular court to sue their husbands against halacha? They are already legally bound to accept the Bais Din's decision. In this case, it was unfortunately necessary to appeal the lower court decision to confirm that the Bais Din's decision is legally binding and cannot be overridden by civil court.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Rabbi Michael TzadokJuly 17, 2014 at 3:44 PM

    Yes... But the issue is that by giving the get before all the other issues were settled this husband was forced through the agony and expenses of the courts. It is clear that giving the Get first was, and is a huge mistake.
    I'm glad an appelate court finally upheld the arbitration agreement. However, that does not stop from happening again and again, and financially ruining men who have halakha completely on their side.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Verification of AddressJuly 30, 2014 at 11:23 AM

    רבקי , just drop the RICO ערכאות complaint , and just come over along with your self picked דיינים , to your self picked בית דין , no later than twelve noon, the day after תשעה באב ; you couldn't expect it better than that....

    ReplyDelete
  43. Hello am Morgan obe from the united state, i read some testimony about Dr voodoo on how he has helped people in bringing back there ex within 48hours i was just thinking if that was real,And decided to call a lady who made a testimony and also dropped her number,So i called her and ask her about Dr voodoo she said Dr voodoo is a trustworthy man and he his ready to bring back my lover for me,i was just so happy and a little bit relief that my lover will be back to me soon,Then i decided in contacting Dr voodoo which i did,And before i could share him my problem he has already told me what i came for,And he said everything will be okay within 48hours that my lover will be back to my arms,So he said he would be casting the spell and that within 48hours my lover would call me,So i hoped so truly before the 48hours i got a call from a man who has left me for the past 6years saying he is sorry and he wants me back,i was happy and i said i also want him back,Then i traveled to Canada to meet him up,And he apologized for what he has done to me now he proposed to marry me and we are both preparing for our wedding soon,All thanks to the great and World best spell caster, Dr voodoo His private mail (voodoospell130@gmail.com)
    or call him on his cell phone number on :+2347063836098.
    he is helping to fixed problems on:
    1 (HIV/aids spell)
    2 (you are look for a man Or woman to Marriage spell)
    3 (you need a Child spell)
    4 (Becoming a manager spell)
    5 (Get a job spell)
    6 Success or pass spell
    7 (Love spell)
    Win a difficult case in court spell and many. more.
    Contact hem of any of these today at:
    (voodoospell130@gmail.com) His await your urgent response

    ReplyDelete
  44. GREAT DR. OFEMO THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP. Good Day everybody,
    My
    name is Lena Adams.am from the United State of America,This is a very
    happy day of my life with the help of Dr.Ofemo has rendered to me by
    helping me to get my divorce husband
    back with his magic power and love spell. i was married for 8 years and
    it was
    so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me, and was
    seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Ofemo email on the
    internet on how he help so many people to get their ex back and help
    fixing relationship.and make people to be happy in their relationship. i
    explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest
    surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now
    celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good.he started
    begging me to forgive him that he is very sorry for
    everything, i was really surprised and was also happy, so that was how i
    forgive him and now we are living together happily than ever before,and
    He always
    want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really
    happy with my marriage, what a great celebration. thank you Dr Ofemo
    who helped a lot, if you need
    his help you can contact him through
    email:drofemospelltemple@gmail.com thank you once again great man.

    ReplyDelete
  45. GREAT DR. OFEMO THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP. Good Day everybody,
    My
    name is Lena Adams.am from the United State of America,This is a very
    happy day of my life with the help of Dr.Ofemo has rendered to me by
    helping me to get my divorce husband
    back with his magic power and love spell. i was married for 8 years and
    it was
    so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me, and was
    seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Ofemo email on the
    internet on how he help so many people to get their ex back and help
    fixing relationship.and make people to be happy in their relationship. i
    explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest
    surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now
    celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good.he started
    begging me to forgive him that he is very sorry for
    everything, i was really surprised and was also happy, so that was how i
    forgive him and now we are living together happily than ever before,and
    He always
    want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really
    happy with my marriage, what a great celebration. thank you Dr Ofemo
    who helped a lot, if you need
    his help you can contact him through
    email:drofemospelltemple@gmail.com thank you once again great man. ...

    ReplyDelete
  46. GREAT DR. OFEMO THAT HELP ME SAVE MY RELATIONSHIP. Good Day everybody,
    My
    name is Lena Adams.am from the United State of America,This is a very
    happy day of my life with the help of Dr.Ofemo has rendered to me by
    helping me to get my divorce husband
    back with his magic power and love spell. i was married for 8 years and
    it was
    so terrible because my husband was really cheating on me, and was
    seeking for a divorce but when i came across Dr.Ofemo email on the
    internet on how he help so many people to get their ex back and help
    fixing relationship.and make people to be happy in their relationship. i
    explained my situation to him and then seek his help but to my greatest
    surprise he told me that he will help me with my case and here i am now
    celebrating because my Husband has change totally for good.he started
    begging me to forgive him that he is very sorry for
    everything, i was really surprised and was also happy, so that was how i
    forgive him and now we are living together happily than ever before,and
    He always
    want to be by me and can not do anything without my present. i am really
    happy with my marriage, what a great celebration. thank you Dr Ofemo
    who helped a lot, if you need
    his help you can contact him through
    email:drofemospelltemple@gmail.com thank you once again great man. .

    ReplyDelete
  47. My name is Richard Sophia, i think its a good thing to share this
    wonderful testimony because am so happy now, i have been married for
    four years, with two kids, and a lovely husband, i was having a sweet
    family, until when things started getting sour, my husband started
    coming home late at night, started ignoring my feelings and needs, i
    later found out that he was having an affair with with another woman,
    this was tearing my family apart as my children was been affected a lot,
    i didn't know what to do, my heart was so saddened, until i came in
    contact with one Dr. OGBIDI, a spell caster, on a marriage website, i
    told him about my problems in my family, he told me he is going to fix
    my family and bring back my husband if only i could provide what will
    be needed, i did as he asked and he fixed my family for me and my
    husband broke up with the lady and came back home and asked for forgiveness,
    am so so happy today, i cant hide this but share the good news,
    CONTACT HIM TODAY THROUGH HIS EMAIL ADDRESS:DROGBIDISOLUTIONHOME@GMAIL.COM ....OR... DROGBIDISOLUTIONHOME@YAHOO.COM
    he can help you with the following........1. Get YOUR boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife
    back.....4. Wealth/Riches....5. Cancel a divorce order 6. Fix addition to drugs and
    many more.....contact him today: DROGBIDISOLUTIONHOME@GMAIL.COM OR... DROGBIDISOLUTIONHOME@YAHOO.COM

    ReplyDelete
  48. My Name is Rebbecca Wilson, i am 42 years old and i am from New York, United states but recently in Houston. I am happy to share my testimony on here.2001,I had threatening from my fiance that he never give a damn about me and he dont love me anymore.His family also was not in support of our coming together and then my fiance had this deep hatred for me . My fiance drove me out of his life and that was in the 2001, since then i searched for solutions as i loved him and i never wanted to let go him off my life.

    Earlier this year, i was playing through the internet and i saw someone's testimony about this great spell caster(Dr. Emini Kokoro) who helped him get his ex back.At first to me it was unbelievable as i have heard of scams but his testimony really inspired me that i had to give it a try to contact the spell caster. To my greatest surprise he helped me cast the spell and my fiance came back to me within 72 hours together with his family to ask for forgivess for the hurt and pains they made me go through for the many years they abandoned me.And finally to crown it all, 4 months ago, we got married and we are living happily now.up till this time, my husband has shown non-stop love ,care and trust... Thank you so much Doctor Emini Kokoro for bringing smiles to my face .

    i recommend this powerful spell caster for those who seek spiritual help of any kind, i advise you to contact him on his email; eminikokorospiritualhelp@hotmail.com . He specializes in all aspect of problems;

    if you want your ex back.

    If you want to be cured of Cancer.

    if you want to be cured of HIV/AIDS.

    if you want to be prosperous.

    if you want to have increase in finance.

    if you want favor and good luck.

    if you want to lose weight.

    if you want to gain weight.

    if you are barren and you want to have a child.

    if you want to bind your husband with you forever.

    binding you and your husband forever and lot more ..

    he is very powerful,his solutions has no side effect and his solutions comes within 72 hours...

    i promised him that i will share my testimony to the world if i gets mine that's why i am sharing it on here..his email address is : eminikokorospiritualhelp@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  49. My Name is Rebbecca Wilson, i am 42 years old and i am from New York, United states but recently in Houston. I am happy to share my testimony on here.2001,I had threatening from my fiance that he never give a damn about me and he dont love me anymore.His family also was not in support of our coming together and then my fiance had this deep hatred for me . My fiance drove me out of his life and that was in the 2001, since then i searched for solutions as i loved him and i never wanted to let go him off my life.

    Earlier this year, i was playing through the internet and i saw someone's testimony about this great spell caster(Dr. Emini Kokoro) who helped him get his ex back.At first to me it was unbelievable as i have heard of scams but his testimony really inspired me that i had to give it a try to contact the spell caster. To my greatest surprise he helped me cast the spell and my fiance came back to me within 72 hours together with his family to ask for forgivess for the hurt and pains they made me go through for the many years they abandoned me.And finally to crown it all, 4 months ago, we got married and we are living happily now.up till this time, my husband has shown non-stop love ,care and trust... Thank you so much Doctor Emini Kokoro for bringing smiles to my face .

    i recommend this powerful spell caster for those who seek spiritual help of any kind, i advise you to contact him on his email; eminikokorospiritualhelp@hotmail.com . He specializes in all aspect of problems;

    if you want your ex back.

    If you want to be cured of Cancer.

    if you want to be cured of HIV/AIDS.

    if you want to be prosperous.

    if you want to have increase in finance.

    if you want favor and good luck.

    if you want to lose weight.

    if you want to gain weight.

    if you are barren and you want to have a child.

    if you want to bind your husband with you forever.

    binding you and your husband forever and lot more .

    he is very powerful,his solutions has no side effect and his solutions comes within 72 hours...

    i promised him that i will share my testimony to the world if i gets mine that's why i am sharing it on here..his email address is : eminikokorospiritualhelp@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  50. My Name is Rebbecca Wilson, i am 42 years old and i am from New York, United states but recently in Houston. I am happy to share my testimony on here.2001,I had threatening from my fiance that he never give a damn about me and he dont love me anymore.His family also was not in support of our coming together and then my fiance had this deep hatred for me . My fiance drove me out of his life and that was in the 2001, since then i searched for solutions as i loved him and i never wanted to let go him off my life.

    Earlier this year, i was playing through the internet and i saw someone's testimony about this great spell caster(Dr. Emini Kokoro) who helped him get his ex back.At first to me it was unbelievable as i have heard of scams but his testimony really inspired me that i had to give it a try to contact the spell caster. To my greatest surprise he helped me cast the spell and my fiance came back to me within 72 hours together with his family to ask for forgivess for the hurt and pains they made me go through for the many years they abandoned me.And finally to crown it all, 4 months ago, we got married and we are living happily now.up till this time, my husband has shown non-stop love ,care and trust... Thank you so much Doctor Emini Kokoro for bringing smiles to my face .

    i recommend this powerful spell caster for those who seek spiritual help of any kind, i advise you to contact him on his email; eminikokorospiritualhelp@hotmail.com . He specializes in all aspect of problems;

    if you want your ex back.

    If you want to be cured of Cancer.

    if you want to be cured of HIV/AIDS.

    if you want to be prosperous.

    if you want to have increase in finance.

    if you want favor and good luck.

    if you want to lose weight.

    if you want to gain weight.

    if you are barren and you want to have a child.

    if you want to bind your husband with you forever.

    binding you and your husband forever and lot more ..

    he is very powerful,his solutions has no side effect and his solutions comes within 72 hours...

    i promised him that i will share my testimony to the world if i gets mine that's why i am sharing it on here..his email address is : eminikokorospiritualhelp@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  51. My Name is Steven Sliver, From United State. I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called DR VOVOLA has just done for me , this man has just brought back my lost Ex husband to me with his great spell, I was married to this man called Steven we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email, then you won't believe this when I contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost husband back, and after a month I miss my month and go for a test and the result stated am pregnant am happy today am a mother of a baby girl, thank you once again the great DR VOVOLA for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:

    1) If you want your ex back.
    (2) if you always have bad dreams.
    (3) You want to be promoted in your office.
    (4) You want women/men to run after you.
    (5) If you want a child.
    (6) You want to be rich.
    (7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
    (8) If you need financial assistance.

    you can contact hem via: email, vovolaspellcast@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  52. My name is Elizabeth Campbell, Am from USA, my partner and I have been trying for a baby for over two years now, We were going to a fertility clinic for about 5 months before somebody told us to contact this spell caster who is so powerful, We contacted him at this email; (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com) , for him to help us, then we told him our problem, he told us that we will either conceive in February 2014 or March 2014,but after two years of trying we were at a point where we were willing to try anything. And I'm glad we came to Dr Iyaryi, Because his pregnancy spell cast put us at ease, and I honestly believe him, and his gods really helped us as well, I am thankful for all he has done. contact him via email: (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com) if you are trying to get a baby or want your lover back. he has powers to do it, he has done mine

    ReplyDelete
  53. Hello friends,My name is Gloria I have to give this miraculous testimony,After being in relationship with Jackson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Ayo okigu and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before two days, that my ex will return to me before two days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the last day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, HIS WEBSITE ADDRESS is:http://getyourexloveback.webs.com/ you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. can never stop talking about you sir, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS; greatayosolutiontemple@gmail.com contact his now for solution to all your problems,for any help you want his to do for you. Thank you Great Dr. Ayo. once again and may your gods reward you for your good deeds. ..

    ReplyDelete
  54. My name is Wade Lyons and my EX-Wife dumped me 8 months ago after I caught her of having an affair with someone else and i insulting her. I want her back in my life but she refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don't know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their EX back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him..... he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my EX-Wife will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my EX-Wife called Victoria came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr. Zexta Gio the great spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact his email: airehobhuanuagbontemple@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  55. My name is Tina Martinez from United States, I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is DR OVIA, He helped me recently to reunite my relationship wih my Boyfriend who dumped me, When i contacted DR OVIA he cast a love spell for me and my Boyfriend who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again called me and started begging me. To anyone who is reading this article and needs any help, DR OVIA can also offer any types of help like Reuniting of marriage and relationship, Curing of all types of Diseases, Court Cases, Pregnancy Spell, Spiritual protection and lot's more.
    You can contact him Via this email droviasolutioncenter@yahoo.com or droviasolutioncenter@gmail.com or Directly through His website on www.droviasolutioncenter.webs.com or call him on +2348054049995,,./

    ReplyDelete
  56. Hello My Name is Jessca Edwards from USA,
    I just want to share my experience with the entire world on how i got my Ex Husband back and saved my marriage, At least i can say to the world that there is a real spell caster on line called Dr. Ofemo i have benefited from the powers fro the Dr. Ofemo because through his help my Ex Husband has been restored back to me and filled with love within 24hours that i contacted Dr.Ofemo i was not having an idea of what to expect but after proper explanation and i followed the instruction that Dr.Ofemo gave and my relationship was reveal back, i guess whosoever that is in need for relationship help or any having any other problem can contact DR.Ofemo you can contact him true this EMAIL ADDRESS: drofemospelltemple@gmail.com,or you can contact him through his website on, http://drofemospelltemple2.webs.com.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Hello My Name is Jessca Edwards from USA,
    I just want to share my experience with the entire world on how i got my Ex Husband back and saved my marriage, At least i can say to the world that there is a real spell caster on line called Dr. Ofemo i have benefited from the powers fro the Dr. Ofemo because through his help my Ex Husband has been restored back to me and filled with love within 24hours that i contacted Dr.Ofemo i was not having an idea of what to expect but after proper explanation and i followed the instruction that Dr.Ofemo gave and my relationship was reveal back, i guess whosoever that is in need for relationship help or any having any other problem can contact DR.Ofemo you can contact him true this EMAIL ADDRESS: drofemospelltemple@gmail.com,or you can contact him through his website on, http://drofemospelltemple2.webs.com......

    ReplyDelete
  58. wrong; the get does not let the husband remarry; it only releases the wife so she can remarry.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Greetings to everyone reading my testimony, I know many of you will think that this is false believe me you are right, I had the same thought until i finally get helped. My name is catherine silas, I'm this way happy to be among DR OGBIDI's witnesses. In spite of everything, months ago my husband left me to another lady, but so lucky for me, i was online on the website when I saw a woman share her testimony of how he also helped her get her ex back, so I contacted him and shared my problems with him and he gave me the terms and conditions so, did as he said, to cut the long story short, Now I live happily with my husband. Thank you DR OGBIDI you are indeed a Godsent, you can also contact him if you still have pain or distress like me, he also launches other spells for protection, lottery exams etc. You can contact him via email: ogbidihomeofsolution1@gmail.com or whatsapp/call +2348052523829

    ReplyDelete
  60. Greetings to everyone reading my testimony, I know many of you will think that this is false believe me you are right, I had the same thought until i finally get helped. My name is catherine silas, I'm this way happy to be among DR OGBIDI's witnesses. In spite of everything, months ago my husband left me to another lady, but so lucky for me, i was online on the website when I saw a woman share her testimony of how he also helped her get her ex back, so I contacted him and shared my problems with him and he gave me the terms and conditions so, did as he said, to cut the long story short, Now I live happily with my husband. Thank you DR OGBIDI you are indeed a Godsent, you can also contact him if you still have pain or distress like me, he also launches other spells for protection, lottery exams etc. You can contact him via email: ogbidihomeofsolution1@gmail.com or whatsapp/call +2348052523829

    ReplyDelete

ANONYMOUS COMMENTS WILL NOT BE POSTED!
please use either your real name or a pseudonym.