Simon Sinek : "It is not what you do but why you do it"

A critical contribution to social understanding. He presents the thesis that behavior is best driven by focus on why we doing things rather than what we do. Related to child abuse - it is not enough to create laws to punish abuse and provide rules to avoid situations where abuse can occur. It is not enough to get people to report abuse. It is important that everyone understand that abusing others causes pain - and we need to value not hurting others.

Is Emotional Intelligence critical for academic success as well as success in life?

NY Times [...] Wade’s approach — used schoolwide at Garfield Elementary, in Oakland, Calif. — is part of a strategy known as social-emotional learning, which is based on the idea that emotional skills are crucial to academic performance. 

“Something we now know, from doing dozens of studies, is that emotions can either enhance or hinder your ability to learn,” Marc Brackett, a senior research scientist in psychology at Yale University, told a crowd of educators at a conference last June. “They affect our attention and our memory. If you’re very anxious about something, or agitated, how well can you focus on what’s being taught?” 

Once a small corner of education theory, S.E.L. has gained traction in recent years, driven in part by concerns over school violence, bullying and teen suicide. But while prevention programs tend to focus on a single problem, the goal of social-emotional learning is grander: to instill a deep psychological intelligence that will help children regulate their emotions. 

For children, Brackett notes, school is an emotional caldron: a constant stream of academic and social challenges that can generate feelings ranging from loneliness to euphoria. Educators and parents have long assumed that a child’s ability to cope with such stresses is either innate — a matter of temperament — or else acquired “along the way,” in the rough and tumble of ordinary interaction. But in practice, Brackett says, many children never develop those crucial skills. “It’s like saying that a child doesn’t need to study English because she talks with her parents at home,” Brackett told me last spring. “Emotional skills are the same. A teacher might say, ‘Calm down!’ — but how exactly do you calm down when you’re feeling anxious? Where do you learn the skills to manage those feelings?” 

A growing number of educators and psychologists now believe that the answer to that question is in school. George Lucas’s Edutopia foundation has lobbied for the teaching of social and emotional skills for the past decade; the State of Illinois passed a bill in 2003 making “social and emotional learning” a part of school curriculums. Thousands of schools now use one of the several dozen programs, including Brackett’s own, that have been approved as “evidence-based” by the Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning, a Chicago-based nonprofit. All told, there are now tens of thousands of emotional-literacy programs running in cities nationwide. 

The theory that kids need to learn to manage their emotions in order to reach their potential grew out of the research of a pair of psychology professors — John Mayer, at the University of New Hampshire, and Peter Salovey, at Yale. In the 1980s, Mayer and Salovey became curious about the ways in which emotions communicate information, and why some people seem more able to take advantage of those messages than others. While outlining the set of skills that defined this “emotional intelligence,” Salovey realized that it might be even more influential than he had originally suspected, affecting everything from problem solving to job satisfaction: “It was like, this is predictive!” 

In the years since, a number of studies have supported this view. So-called noncognitive skills — attributes like self-restraint, persistence and self-awareness — might actually be better predictors of a person’s life trajectory than standard academic measures. A 2011 study using data collected on 17,000 British infants followed over 50 years found that a child’s level of mental well-being correlated strongly with future success. Similar studies have found that kids who develop these skills are not only more likely to do well at work but also to have longer marriages and to suffer less from depression and anxiety. Some evidence even shows that they will be physically healthier.

Yom Kippur, Tel Aviv style

Times of Israel   Yom Kippur – the Day of Atonement – begins this Friday evening. Many people know Jews don’t eat or drink for 25 hours (sundown to sundown) but few know what actually happens on Yom Kippur in modern, non-religious, Israel.

When I arrived, just over four years ago, Yom Kippur in Tel Aviv took me by complete surprise.

Practically all cars and motor transport will stop. Just not go anywhere. Almost no planes, trains or automobiles will move until Saturday night. [...]

From sundown to sundown the streets are full of people strolling or cycling; on suburban streets or along 10 lane highways, the only thing you have to watch out for are kids on speeding bicycles. Non observant people figure out how, for just one day a year, not to drive except for dire emergencies.

I will allow my 4 year old child to pedal furiously down a 6 lane divided highway in whichever direction he prefers. [...]

So why is being Jewish so different when you’re in Israel? There has never, in my recollection, been a Jew outside of Israel who’s publicly got upset by anyone eating, even in front of him, on Yom Kippur. 

Jews have never, and will never, ask you to stop driving for a day in your country. It just won’t happen. Even in our own country this isn’t a law, it’s just something the vast majority of Jews want to do because, over here, in Jewish Israel, it feels right.

That is the difference between living as a Jew outside Israel and as a Jew in Israel: here we can just BE Jewish and the calendar and the customs and the norms of behavior push us into being culturally Jewish even if we don’t want to study Torah for nine hours a day.[...]

Visiting the Lubavitcher Rebbe's grave

NY Times    [...] In the nearly 20 years since the death of the rebbe, as Rabbi Schneerson was known, what began as a spontaneous pilgrimage has evolved into a spiritual touchstone of the religious movement he spawned, complete with its own rituals, controversies and supplicants from all corners of the globe. 

And, perhaps in a nod to the famously sleepless city where the rebbe lived, preached and died, his grave site is open night and day.[...]

The pilgrimage to Cambria Heights, a largely black, middle-class neighborhood, has faced some challenges. Large celebratory crowds have frustrated neighbors, and efforts at expansion — most recently, a proposal for a more permanent structure than the tentlike ohel — have been met with opposition by the local community board. The center has made efforts to streamline parking, and in June, delivered bottles of wine to neighbors on surrounding streets, Rabbi Refson said. The number of visitors commemorating the rebbe’s death now tops 30,000. 

Girl’s Suicide Points to Rise in Apps Used by Cyberbullies

NY Times    The clues were buried in her bedroom. Before leaving for school on Monday morning, Rebecca Ann Sedwick had hidden her schoolbooks under a pile of clothes and left her cellphone behind, a rare lapse for a 12-year-old girl. 

Inside her phone’s virtual world, she had changed her user name on Kik Messenger, a cellphone application, to “That Dead Girl” and delivered a message to two friends, saying goodbye forever. Then she climbed a platform at an abandoned cement plant near her home in the Central Florida city of Lakeland and leaped to the ground, the Polk County sheriff said.

In jumping, Rebecca became one of the youngest members of a growing list of children and teenagers apparently driven to suicide, at least in part, after being maligned, threatened and taunted online, mostly through a new collection of texting and photo-sharing cellphone applications. Her suicide raises new questions about the proliferation and popularity of these applications and Web sites among children and the ability of parents to keep up with their children’s online relationships. 

For more than a year, Rebecca, pretty and smart, was cyberbullied by a coterie of 15 middle-school children who urged her to kill herself, her mother said. The Polk County sheriff’s office is investigating the role of cyberbullying in the suicide and considering filing charges against the middle-school students who apparently barraged Rebecca with hostile text messages. Florida passed a law this year making it easier to bring felony charges in online bullying cases.[...] 

Atonement, Forgiveness, And Our Most Fundamental Error

Scientific American   Today is the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. Although it is often called the “holiest day of the Jewish year,” what is notable about Yom Kippur is not the fact that it is particularly holy, nor is it the fact that many Jews you know might be particularly hungry today. Yom Kippur is notable because it is really all about the unequivocal importance of one thing — atonement. We sit in our religious services all day, reflecting on the need to atone for our sins. However, it is stressed that we cannot just do this by showing up to services and praying. We must also directly ask for forgiveness from those that we have wronged in the past year; and, in turn, we must be willing to grant forgiveness to those whom we believe have wronged us.

This past week has been a particularly challenging one for me, a fact that is only made more salient by my recent reflection on Yom Kippur. This was a week filled with a lot of stress – a major disagreement with friends (an unpleasantry that doesn’t happen all too often, thankfully, though this relative infrequency makes it especially painful when it does occur), dissertation work, transitioning back into a new semester of teaching, losing a flash drive for a period of about 24 hours (always enough to give me a few panic attacks). I had to face the unavoidable fact that I’ve once again found myself over-scheduled and under-rested this semester, and brace myself for the uncomfortable reality of having to let go of a few commitments and inevitably let people down. And of course there were more things — smaller stresses here and there that are not worth mentioning, and larger ones that are less appropriate for a public blog. But in a way, it’s almost perfect that Yom Kippur has arrived for me after such a truly stressful, overwhelming week. If nothing else, this week has served as a critical reminder to me of one of the most consistent and foundational facts in all of social psychology. The environment that surrounds us — those stressors, obligations, demands, fights, and other situational pushes that we constantly experience — have a strong, disconcerting influence on our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. If we’re going to reflect on atonement, it must serve us well to acknowledge just how important our surrounding environments can be when it comes to events that require repentance — and just how often we might fail to acknowledge the situation’s strong role in our lives. If someone were to judge me for anything that I said or did this week, I know that I would hope they would have accounted for the numerous stressors and other dramatic ongoings that could be influencing my words and actions. Unfortunately, given what I know of social psychology, I’m also well aware that they probably would not have done so — and to be fair, I likely wouldn’t be immediately prone to doing so either, if the tables were turned. [...]

I bring this up today, on Yom Kippur, because if we are going to focus on atonement, it is worth considering how our ability to forgive and forget might be at the whim of our cognitive biases. All too often, we are quick to form dispositional attributions for behaviors that might actually have situational causes — and all too often, those attributions are negative. Perhaps that driver did not cut you off because he is a jerk, but because another car was about to swerve into his lane, or because he had two children in the backseat who had just distracted his attention, or because his wife was in labor and he was rushing to get to the hospital. Maybe that girl had to stop on her way to class because of an emergency, or she just added the class the minute before she walked in, or she was actually accidentally showing up 30 minutes early for the next class. It becomes so much easier to engage in this atonement process and understand where others are coming from once we realize that all too often, we are actually doing ourselves a disservice if our ultimate goal truly is forgiveness. We can often over-perceive the presence of bad intentions arising from other people’s inner traits and personalities, when those bad intentions really might not be there…at all.

Op-Ed: Should Teachers Be Saying ‘Yechi’ with Students?

Crown Heights Info   At a recent Chaddishe auspicious day, celebrated with a children’s rally at 770 with several schools participating, there was a teacher from one of the schools that delivered a captivating story to the assembled children. It was a tale from the days of the Baal Shem Tov.

The teacher described this poor Jew thrown into prison by the poretz for lacking the funds to cover rent. He relayed to the spellbound children; “The yid was in such great despair and so sad, he felt that nobody can help him, so he screamed to Hashem from the depths of his heart, “Yechi Adoneinu… leolam Voed!”

Today, dropping my three year old child off at school, I entered the classroom with my kid, and the children were in the midst of davening. Yechi was a very central part as it was sung with great vigor. I was astounded. He isn’t enrolled in a fringe school, rather one of the mainstream ones that has been around for decades.[...]

Is it the role of a school that serve a diverse parent body, to be an indoctrination ground for children from the moment they begin to develop?

A Communal Confession by 5TJT Editorial Staff

Five Towns Jewish Times

 אשמנו  - We have been guilty.  We have cared more for our reputations than we have for the victims of molesters in our midst.

בגדנו  - We have betrayed the innocent and the weak among us.  We have ignored the pleas of those who have been victimized.

גזלנו  - We have stolen. We have stolen the childhood and the innocence of victims by not acting to remove people from positions of authority where they can continue abusing.

דברנו דופי  -We have spoken falsely.  We have said that those who make such accusations are liars – when we either knew that this was not the case, or where we were unsure. We have misused the notion of Chezkas Kashrus to ignore our obligation to protect our charges.

העוינו  - We have caused others to sin.  By allowing redifus to be swept under the table, we have allowed other molesters to further sin.

והרשענו  - We have caused others to do evil. By not acting upon what we had known we have caused others to pursue the victims and their supporters and to label them mosrim.

זדנו  - We have had evil hearts.  We have planned revenge against victims of molestation and their supporters by excluding them from the communal institutions that we control.  We have vilified them in our papers and publications.

חמסנו  - We have become violent.  We have yelled at victims and their supporters and have fought against them.

טפלנו שקר  - We have attached lies.  We have attached ourselves to sinners.  We have allowed molesters to continue operating and have actively supported them.

יעצנו רע  - We have advised evil.  We have told people who have molested others what to do to avoid being caught.

כזבנו  - We have lied. We have done so in crafty ways where we have taught ourselves to be deceptive people.

לצנו  - We have scoffed.  We have made fun of those who have pointed out the fundamentally wrong issues of not cleaning up our act.  We have labeled them mosrim, anti-Semites, and self-hating Jews who try to destroy our Torah Mosdos.

מרדנו  - We have rebelled against the noble principles of the Torah in allowing this shameful behavior to continue.

ניאצנו  - We have been scornful – causing Hashem to be angry at us.  We have not cared to ascertain the truth or to protet Hashem’s nation from a grave internal danger.

סרנו  - We have turned from the path of the Torah’s truthful ideals and have created a Chilul Hashem.

עוינו  - We have intentionally allowed Chilul Hashem to continue by making Klal Yisroel look like they defend child molesters and that we do not protect the victims.

פשענו  - We have sinned/ rebelled.  We have entirely ignored the psak din of Gedolim who have said that when there is clear Raglayim ladavar to molestation we must involve authorities

צררנו  - We have persecuted members of Klal Yisroel by only getting rid of the known molester from our school, but allowing him to move to other communities and continue.

קשינו עורף  - We have been stiff-necked and stubborn in this matter and still have not learned important lessons.

רשענו  - We have been lawless and wicked.  We have created an environment where those who stand up for victims are looked at as troublemakers.

שיחתנו  - We have corrupted our communities with the incorrect notion that it is forbidden to protect victims from their oppressors.

תעינו  - We have strayed.  We have strayed far from the ideals of Torah in supporting oppressors and even in saying, “We have other things to worry about first.”

תיעבנו  - We have done abominations.  Our support for those who victimize others is a complete abomination in the eyes of Hashem.

תיעתענו  - We have allowed ourselves to be led astray.  Because of this issue we have ceased our role in becoming a light unto the nations and are off-track.

וסרנו ממצותיך וממשפטיך הטובים ולא שוה לנו ואתה צדיק על כל הבא עלינו כי אמת עשית ואנחנו הרשענו – We have turned away from your Mitzvos and chosen something unworthy of us.         And You Hashem are Righteous in all that is brought upon us for You have done Truth and we have wrought evil.

Couple who had child after 25 years - not because of segulos

Hidabroot      This video interview presents a clear contrast to the hashkofa presented in a previous post - A tzadik is born because of a clothes line

בכיוון אחר: גבריאל ועדה מוטי

קשה להישאר אדיש מול סיפורם האישי של עדה וגבי מוטי. אחרי 25 שנים של ציפייה, המתנה, תפילות ומה לא – הגיחה לעולם בתם רחל. מה עבר עליהם עד אז?
בתכנית "בכיוון אחר" מקיים העיתונאי דודו כהן שיחות עומק עם אנשים שביצעו תפנית רוחנית בחייהם. הפעם נתוודע, כאמור, לסיפורם של גבריאל ועדה מוטי.

Timely question: Did Moshe Rabeinu have a "Deri Luluv"

Guest Post from Pinchas Shalom

I went to get ד' מינים (Luluv & Esrog) tonight. After putting a few Esrogim aside i turned to the Luluvim. The second one i picked up was a beauty. It was a tall, fresh, deep green, and fully closed "Deri". 

I said, half to myself, "Moshe Rabeinu didn't have such a Luluv!!". (I thought it not debatable).

The fellow next to me, apparently overhead. He announced a bit louder "of course Moshe Rabeini had a Lee'lev just as nice!!".

A third patron now chimed in, "you think Moshe Rabeinu had Deri  Luluvim?"

The debate ensued, with the fellow next to me making the closing statement. "Its kfirah to say Moshe Rabeinu didn't have a Deri!!".

Senior Australian rabbi apologizes for rabbinical mishandling of abuse

The Age - Australia   Australia's most senior Orthodox rabbi has apologised for years of mishandling and cover-up of child sexual abuse within the Jewish community and urged abusers to hand themselves in to police.

"For whatever reason a culture of cover-up, often couched in religious terms pervaded our thinking and actions. It may even have been well-intentioned, but it was simply wrong," said Moshe Gutnick, the president of the Organisation of Rabbis of Australia, on Wednesday.

Ahead of the holiest day in the Jewish calendar, the Day of Atonement, Rabbi Gutnick told victims no one could know their pain and what they had been through.

"And the pain has only been magnified by our inaction. On this holiest of days, I sincerely beg your forgiveness on behalf of all of us who did not hear your voice.

"I can only assure you on my behalf, and on behalf of the vast majority of the Rabbinate, that we hear you now loud and clear." [...] 

D.A. Hynes defeated as voters choose the less problematic candidate

NY Times  Kenneth P. Thompson, a former federal prosecutor, performed the rare feat of defeating a sitting district attorney by beating Brooklyn’s six-term incumbent, Charles J. Hynes, on Tuesday in the Democratic primary.

The primary followed a fierce race that often seemed more a referendum on Mr. Hynes’s lengthy record than a choice between two candidates. Though Mr. Hynes had faced serious and sometimes divided opposition before, this year’s race pitted the 78-year-old district attorney against a single well-financed candidate who rallied anti-Hynes sentiment in the borough. Mr. Thompson, 47, used a torrent of negative publicity about prosecutorial behavior in Mr. Hynes’s office to paint the incumbent as unethical and out of touch. [...]

More recently, Mr. Hynes was forced to backtrack or re-evaluate several murder convictions from the early part of his tenure, and was dogged by his handling of cases in Brooklyn’s ultra-Orthodox Jewish communities, most of whose leaders endorsed him. 

Mr. Hynes was seen as slow to prosecute child sexual abuse allegations against ultra-Orthodox Jews because of rabbinical resistance, but stepped up abuse prosecutions in the last year, and won a significant case involving a therapist who sexually abused a young patient. 

This put Mr. Hynes, politically, in somewhat of a precarious position, as some ultra-Orthodox Jews resented the prosecutions. But one Hasidic voter, who would only give his first name, Martin, said he had chosen Mr. Hynes at the strong urging of the community’s religious leaders. “The leaders told us he’d be better for us,” he said.[...]

2 members of a sadistic polygamous Breslaver cult - convicted of severely abusing children and women

Times of Israel  [see also YNET] The Jerusalem District Court convicted the leader of a “sadistic cult” uncovered in 2011 and his accomplice Tuesday on most of the charges levied against them.

The two were convicted of various sexual offenses, holding individuals in conditions of slavery, and abusing women and dozens of children. The names of the defendants were withheld from the public out of privacy concerns.  [...]

Initially, nine members of a well-known polygamous Breslav Hasidic family were arrested, including three men and six women, but only the three men were indicted. The children were placed with foster families.[...]

The leader of the cult was indicted on 15 counts, including slavery, physical, sexual and emotional abuse of minors — including some of his own biological children — unlawful imprisonment, indecent sexual acts, sodomy, rape, serious violent crimes and indecent assault, according to the indictment.

The accomplice, also charged with committing numerous violent sex crimes under the leader’s orders, was the one who most often committed the abuses and was known by the nicknames of “Satan” and “Evil Inclination” by the victims. The third man was only accused in one incident of physical and sexual abuse and was not convicted on Tuesday. [...]

Rav Kafach: Israeli monetary law determines halacha

The following excerpt is taken from Justice Elon's Mishpat Ivri (volume IV pages 1761-1762). It asserts an interesting rationale why secular Israeli law regarding money can be binding according to the halacha. This is important especially on the issue of divorce settlements where halacha and secular law greatly diverge.

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A particularly instructive approach to the relationship between Israeli statutory law and Jewish law is taken by Rabbi Yosef Kafah. a member of the Rabbinical Court of Appeals and a major halakhic authority in the State of Israel. Rabbi Kafah's position is expressed in the leading case of discussed further below. In commenting on statements made by the district court as to the nature of statutory provisions expressly made applicable to the rabbinical courts as well as the general courts, he said:

It would seem that these statements concerning "laws explicitly directed to them [the rabbinical courts]" are based on a perception that the Legislature has acted to require the rabbinical courts to reach decisions that are contrary to their religious beliefs. Indeed, many people share this perception, but their logic begs the question. They assume the premise that these laws require the rabbinical courts to reach decisions that are contrary to the laws of the Torah, and on the basis of that premise they conclude that the law "violates pure halakhic considerations." But this conclusion is not inevitable; rather, the law should be viewed according to its plain meaning.

Section 1 of the Woman's Equal Rights Law provides: "The same law shall apply to women and men with regard to every legal transaction." Section 5 provides: "This law shall not affect the religious law in matters of marriage and divorce.26

The plain meaning of these provisions is that the Legislature established a binding rule only with respect to monetary matters, in regard to which it perceived the existing law as discriminating against women .... The legisla­ tive mandate is manifestly based on the assumption that legislation as to monetary matters would not affect religious law, since the legislation is con­ sidered "a stipulation as to a monetary matter"; therefore, it is not a [prohibited] stipulation to contract out of a Biblical norm. Consequently, it may be assumed that the Legislature had no intention to interfere with anything that is not "a stipulation as to a monetary matter." This is an instance of an ap­ proach that can lead to a proper understanding of a number of statutes that have not been so understood.27

In other words, just as under Jewish law there is freedom of contract, i. e., the parties to a legal transaction may agree on terms contrary to a particular halakhic rule, provided the agreement concerns a "monetary matter" (mamon) and not religious law (issur) ,28 so a statute of the Knesset, enacted in the name of the people by their elected representatives, is in the nature of an agreement by the people to conduct their affairs in accordance with the legislative provisions. As long as the matter does not concern religious law, such an agreement is fully effective even if it is contrary to a particular halakhic rule." This interpretive approach by Rabbi Kafah. which is particularly significant in that it is taken by a leading rabbinical court judge and important halakhic authority, is applicable not only to the particular question dealt with in the Nagar case but also, as explained more fully below ,to the broader question of the relationship between the rabbinical courts and the general legal system of the State of Israel.30