Get given because of embarrassment is Get Me'usa

The UN vs. Israel: Is Israel the worst country in the world?

ORA to hold protest against Aharon Friedman in Washington

Stern is unfortunately misrepresenting the halacha as well as the facts in justifying another public demonstration against Aharon Friedman. His claim that Aharon Friedman's motivation is sadism is totally disgusting and simply a lie. I received an email request from the Roll Call reporter to present the other side. But she sent the email to me after it was Shabbos in Israel and she said she had to have an answer within a few hours to meet her deadline.
 Click this link [psak from dayanim of the beis din of Rav  Korelitz]
A Get given because of embarrassment of ORA's demonstrations is invalid - Get Me'usa 

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JPost   “We are rallying now to continue our efforts to convince Aharon Friedman to give Tamar Epstein a get,” Rabbi Jeremy Stern, the executive director of the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot, in charge of the demonstration, told The Jerusalem Post on Tuesday.

“His sadistic refusal to do so is in clear violation of Jewish Law and constitutes domestic abuse. He is an embarrassment to the Jewish community, and it is therefore incumbent upon us to stand together and state clearly that we will not tolerate this abuse in our midst.”

“[Friedman’s] recalcitrance is a form of domestic abuse,” Stern said.

Roll Call Rabbi Jeremy Stern, executive director for the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot, the organizer of Thursday’s protest, said get refusals are a form of abuse to Jewish women by their ex-husbands, who are usually seeking to extort alimony or pressure them into giving up custody of children.

Stern added that Thursday’s protest on Capitol Hill is ORA’s fourth against Friedman — previous protests were held at Friedman’s Silver Spring apartment in December 2010 and 2011, as well as at a conference Friedman spoke at in February 2012.

“Aharon Freidman is a pariah and not welcome in any of the synagogues in the area,” Stern said. “How he can call himself a religious Jew is beyond me. He is an embarrassment, we feel, for the Jewish community.”

Numerous reports attribute the dispute to a custody battle between Friedman and Epstein. Epstein moved with the couple’s daughter to Philadelphia following their separation, and a court denied Friedman’s request to have their daughter moved back to Maryland, where the couple lived while they were married and where Friedman still resides.

Although many prominent rabbis have come out against Friedman on the issue, the rabbinical court Shar Hamishpot issued an opinion in June 2012 siding with Friedman, saying Epstein “had no right to unilaterally relocate their daughter” to Philadelphia.

Importance of Praying that Weberman does Teshuva

Guest post by fordaas Torah

“Why is it important to pray that Nechemia Tzi ben Dina does a complete Teshuvah”

The Talmud teaches that Adam before he sinned spanned from the heavens to the earth and from one end of the world to the other.  This means that on some very real level this world is actually made up of one “Adam” that encompasses the entire world.

This "one-Adam-world" was given a job to do which is really very complicated.  And unfortunately he failed; he ate from the “Tree of Knowledge” while G-d explicitly told him not to.  So Hashem developed this plan where He split Adam's job into billions upon billions of pieces, assigning it to billions upon billions of people coming down into this universe at different intervals of history, each with their own sliver of this “huge cosmic task."

Thus, while we all should be fully invested in working on our own unique mission, we must also remember that in the end we each are dependent on one another to reach our final destination.  In order for redemption to occur every piece of the cosmic puzzle must become fully actualized, so that Adam’s original task gets completed.

I believe that molestation and incest are among the more difficult issues that we need to solve as a community.   We need to work through this stuff, clean it up, and discover the underlying decay in our universe that enables such wickedness. (And perhaps even find some disguised Jewels hiding in this filth, waiting to be rediscovered, cleaned up and rectified.  Perhaps as a nation there are important lessons we can extract from these horrors that can help us get some clarity about what true Kedusha needs to look like.)

Making sure that people stop supporting this evil, support victims instead, and doing whatever we can to ensure the safety of ALL children, are very important first steps.   Then, of course, we must ensure that victims get the help they need to heal from this horrifying trauma, and perhaps even find some meaning to their suffering.

In addition though, a total soul-cleansing teshuvah by the perpetrators seems vital if we are to fully clean this thing up as a “one-Adam-world.”  There is a level of deep-core-knowing about the utter, total wrongness of these actions that must somehow be embodied in our universe.  And who can better accomplish this then a perpetrator turned Baal Teshuvah?  One can only imagine the healing that can come to our “cosmic-Adam-universe” when a perpetrator is able to fully face the despicableness of his actions, the depths of the damage caused to the victim, to himself and the entire universe, and then have the strength to live with this awareness, and have that awareness inform his day to day life.

We all know that Mr. Weberman isn't the only molester around, unfortunately.  Yet Mr. Weberman has become a "public-figure” regarding these issues.  The fundraiser and the intimidation of witnesses drew lots of attention to his trial and probably indirectly caused his steep sentence.  (Yet this is the way of the universe; actions have repercussions.  Getting people to give money for your defense because they believe you are innocent, when in fact you know that you are guilty, comes with a steep price.

Now given that all this unfortunate stuff has happened, and Mr. Weberman will probably be spending the remainder of his life in prison, wouldn’t it be such a waste of suffering if he doesn’t achieve a full teshuvah? Prison indeed is a place where people are forced, in some sense, to face who they have become as a result of their wrong choices. Yet sadly, by definition, most perpetrators suffer from extreme narcissism, which surely makes teshuvah so much more difficult for them.

But as we contemplate the fact that Mr. Weberman too is a part of our greater whole, shouldn’t we seek to do whatever we can to ensure the most mileage out of this horrible saga for our “collective-cosmic-Adam”?  I believe there are two steps we must take as a community to help move Mr. Weberman along towards this goal.

Firstly, we must stop this nonsense of insisting that he is innocent.  Teshuvah is in part the ability to see the truth for what it is, regardless of how unappealing that reality might be.  Crying “anti-Semitism”, “ community being on trial”, or “kangaroo court”, just takes the focus off from the truth, and makes it all the more difficult for Mr. Weberman to face up to the truth about himself.

And secondly, may I suggest that we each take a couple of moments every day to beseech Hashem to grant Mr. Weberman the courage and honesty he needs to enable him to move onto the path of teshuvah.  May each day bring with it for him more enlightenment about the greatness of Hashem, the utter holiness of every Jewish body and soul, specifically those of his victims.  May he realize more and more how molestation is akin to soul murder, and how accountable we each are for our actions, regardless of whether  we can hide them from the public or not.  And perhaps his teshuvah can be the catalyst to awaken our community, so that we no longer are willing to exchange real Kedusha for the appearance of Holiness.

Perhaps deeply integrating the above truths can serve towards a soul-cleansing teshuvah for Nechemia Tzvi ben Dina.
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Postscript by fordaas Torah: Perhaps one reason we struggle with accepting the realities of molestation is because we struggle to accept that someone we know personally can be such a monster.  Our habit of “black or white thinking” makes it very difficult for us to dismiss someone that we know personally as an evil individual who doesn’t deserve any sympathy whatsoever.

Also, incest by definition involves a family member, someone the victim might have strong feelings for.   So here too, the question arises for the victim; “how do I orient my feelings towards the perpetrator who has acted like a monster, yet is still my close relative?”

The answer to this dilemma might be to totally condemn the perpetrator’s actions, while still viewing him as a human being, i.e. as someone who has purpose and can contribute to our world.

I believe praying for them to do teshuvah is the way to accomplish this.  On the one hand it doesn’t minimize how horrific these actions are, while it still leaves space for us to interact with the perpetrator as a human being. 

I understand that the “teshuvah” concept is often grossly misused when dealing with these issues.  I.e. people often claim the perpetrator has done teshuvah without having any proof to believe that.  Thus the victim is then urged to stop complaining and let bygones be bygones, when the truth is that if a real teshuvah was done the perpetrator would understand that it is his responsibility to be מפייס the victim, and no way does the victim need to curb their righteous indignation in order to make the life of the perpetrator easier.

However I am advocating here for us to pray for the perpetrator to do teshuvah, not to decide that the perpetrator has done teshuvah.   I believe we can pray for this while still holding on to the truth of how difficult it is for a proper teshuvah to be done when it comes to these matters.

12 Good Reasons Why Secular Israelis Reject Haredim

Jewish Press      In an article titled "Maybe the Secular Are Right?" that was published this winter in the Haredi Kikar Hashabbat, Rabbi Bloch asks: "Why is it so common for Haredi pundits and public figures to pin the motives for secular hatred against Haredim only on the formers' bad qualities, their emptiness, anti-Semitism and the ignorant man's hatred for the scholar? And another question we should ask ourselves is whether, in some cases, the value benefits from this conduct or another are worth the consequent heavy price of hilul Hashem (desecration of the Holy Name).

Rabbi Bloch then poses 12 questions which he encourages his Haredi readers to ponder.

    1. We've chosen, for understandable educational reasons, to withdraw and live in exclusively Haredi cities and neighborhoods, avoiding as much as possible any social contact with the secular.

    This is legitimate and understandable, but as a result they don't really know us, amd so they naturally view us as bizarre, in our manner of dress, our behavior, and our language. This creates aversion and alienation. Why, then, we are angry at them for treating us this way?

    2. We chose, for educational reasons—although some of us really believe it—to teach our children that all secular Israelis are sinners, vacuous, with no values, and corrupt.

    This could possibly be a legitimate view, but, then, why are we shocked when the secular, in return, teach their own children that the Haredim are all primitive, with outdated and despicable values?

    3. We have chosen, for the sake of the preservation of Torah in Israel, to prevent our sons from participating in carrying the heavy burden of security, and instead tasked them with learning Torah.

    Of course we could not give that up, but why are we outraged and offended when the secular, who do not recognize nor understand this need—or rather most of them are familiar with the issue, but argue that there should be quotas—see us as immoral, and some despise us as a result?

    4. We chose for our sons who do not belong, by their personal inclination or learning skills to the group of Torah scholars (Yeshiva bums and worse), to also evade enlistment—including into perfectly kosher army units. And when it comes to the individuals who have joined the Haredi Nahal, we do not praise them, but despise them instead, and we certainly show them no gratitude, while the Haredi press ignores them—in the best case.

    Why, then, are we outraged when the secular don't believe our argument, that the purpose of keeping yeshiva students from enlisting, is to maintain Torah study and not simply the Haredim's unwillingness to bear the burden?

    5. We chose to teach our children not to work for a living, and to devote all their time to Torah study. Clear enough, but, then, why are we shocked when the secular—who do not consider Torah study an all encompassing value—feel that we are an economic burden on their necks, as a mere 38% of us take part in the labor force, and they hate us for it.

    6. We chose not to teach our children any labor skills, and we condemn those who do pursue a profession. As a result our kolelim include all of those who do not belong among the scholars and still prefer not to work for a living.

    Why, then, do we complain when the secular feel, and say so with an increasing volume, that we are parasites, living off of their efforts?

    7. We chose (for educational considerations?) not to educate our children to show gratitude to the soldiers who risked their lives and were killed or injured for our sake, too. So we do not mention them in any way by any special day or prayer or special Mishna learning that's dedicated to their memory. Moreover, not a single Mashgiach or Rosh Yeshiva ever talks about it in a Mussar Schmooze, and you'll find no mention of it in the Haredi press.

    Why, then, are we surprised that the secular feel that we are ungrateful and despicable, and that the reason for our not enlisting is simply because we are parasites, living off the sacrifices of others in society?

    8. When extremist, delusional groups behave in ways that besmirch the name of God—e.g. the spitting in Beit Shemesh, dancing during the memorial siren, burning the national flag—our rabbis chose not to condemn them, clearly and consistently ( except for a few faint statements here and there). Why, then, are we explaining away the fact that the secular believe we all support those terrible acts? Why do we insist that their hostility stems from their hatred of the scholars?

    9. We've opted to allow our public officials and pundits to curse out all the secular all the time. Why, then, when the secular media treat us the same way, are we offended and cry out that they're persecuting us?

    10. The Haredi press will never offer any praise of or express support for secular Israelis who perform good deeds. Why, then, do we jump up and down when we are rewarded equally? And, in fact, while Haredi spokespersons rarely point anything positive about secular society, the secular media often gives positive coverage to Haredi organizations like Yad Sara, Hatzala, Zaka, etc.

    11. We would not agree, under any condition, that secular Israelis turn up in our schools to teach our children heresy, and we would have kept them from putting up stands with books of heresy in our areas. Why, then, do we not understand when the secular do not agree that we seduce her children into denying their parents' heresy?

    12. We do not agree—in my view, rightfully so—that secular people move into Haredi neighborhoods. So where do we get the arrogance and audacity to call anti-Semites those secular who don't agree that Haredim move near their homes, in secular neighborhoods?

Israeli psychotherapists: Dismissed trauma of Holocaust

Haaretz   [...] Recent research by historian Rakefet Zalashik on the history of psychiatry in Palestine during the Mandate period and following the founding of the state [...]. Indeed, she claims in her 2008 book, "Ad Nefesh: Refugees, Immigrants, Newcomers and the Israeli Psychiatric Establishment" (Hakibbutz Hameuchad; in Hebrew), that the eugenics-based concept of "social engineering" was part of the psychiatric mainstream here from the 1930s through the 1950s. [...]

Eugenics wasn't the only dubious theory the German-Jewish psychiatrists brought with them, Zalashik adds: They also adopted German psychiatry's conception of trauma and its method of treating victims of emotional shock. 

Many psychiatrists in the young state believed that the psyche of Jews was more resilient due to the persecution they endured throughout history. In 1957, Fishel Shneorson published an article in the journal Niv Harofeh, about the emotional fortitude of Holocaust survivors. He argued that there was a lower rate of mental illness among survivors who immigrated to Palestine/Israel than among those who settled elsewhere. 

The theory, widely accepted by psychiatrists here at the time, was that the conditions in this country - the absence of anti-Semitism, combined with the survivors' participation in fighting for and building the nation - had a salutary effect on their mental health. Because of this, psychiatrists tended to attribute a large portion of Holocaust survivors' complaints to immigration difficulties and inter-familial issues, rather than to diagnose them as emotional problems and treat them accordingly. 

The dismissive attitude toward the effect of the Holocaust experience is evident in the case of one Romanian-born Jew, who was admitted in 1955 to Jerusalem's Talbieh Psychiatric Hospital to see whether he was suffering from a psychiatric problem. He was described as "possessing borderline intelligence, very weak social understanding and an infantile personality," and diagnosed as suffering from depression, anxiety, insecurity and aggression. 

Zalashik: "The therapists devoted three whole pages to the patient's life history, from his childhood up to his hospitalization, but this was all they had to say about his wartime experience: 'In 1941, during the war, the patient was taken to the labor camps and was separated from his family. In the camps he did not suffer from any illnesses. After his release from the concentration camps in 1945, he returned to Romania and learned that his entire family had been wiped out.'" 

'Compensation neurosis'

The psychiatrists' attitude toward the survivors' trauma took on added significance in 1952, with the signing of the reparations agreement between Germany and Israel. According to the law in Germany, survivors were entitled to seek compensation for damages caused them by the Nazi persecution. Israeli psychiatrists were asked to write professional opinions about the demands for compensation. Survivors who were not former citizens of Germany, or were not part of the German cultural milieu, were entitled to seek a disability pension from the Israeli Finance Ministry and from the National Insurance Institute, and medical opinions were required for this as well. 

Zalashik concludes that instead of using this opportunity to take a closer look at the survivors' psyches and recognize their mental anguish, the psychiatrists primarily saw themselves as the guardians of the state coffers, and were disinclined to acknowledge the psychological harm wrought by the Nazis. And when they did recognize it, they tended to assign the person in question a minimal level of disability. 

Psychiatrist Kurt Blumenthal went so far as to claim that many survivors were just pretending to have mental problems, when he wrote in 1953 about "compensation neurosis" or "purposeful neurosis," which was ostensibly characterized by an attempt to portray oneself as having suffered great damage in order to increase compensation one would receive. Psychiatrist Julius Baumetz, director of a Jerusalem mental health station, implored his colleagues to do their utmost to put an immediate end to such allegedly neurosis-driven demands, lest survivors' conditions deteriorate to a state of "infantile dependence." 

"The Israeli psychiatrists betrayed their role when they decided to worry more about the state coffers than about their patients," says Zalashik. "When people came to them complaining about nightmares, they told them they were making it up. One German psychiatrist I interviewed said that he was horrified by the opinions he received from Israeli therapists. He said they were so outdated and non-specific that they were harmful to the patients. The theories upon which they were based - i.e., that trauma does not cause any long-term change in personality - were already considered outmoded in Germany in those years." 

Zalashik says this atmosphere made it easier for the Health Ministry to decide that mentally ill Holocaust survivors should be treated in private psychiatric institutions instead of by the public health care system. Survivors were kept in these institutions for decades. Eventually, these facilities became hostels; to this day, they are home to about 700 Holocaust survivors.

Chaim Gravitzer - just reprinted

For an insiders view of the chassidish and litvishe world - this novel is highly recommended. Despite being written as fiction it provides a very accurate and sophisticated understanding. It has been out of print for many years and has just been reprinted. Just before it was reprinted a used copy went for $500! The following is the advertisement from the publisher.

Yiddish volume I downloadable as free pdf 
Vol II Spielberg digitalization
      volume II 

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"שבע יפול צדיק וקם" – פתח הרבי ופירש מיד כל מילה ומילה – שבע פעמים נופל הצדיק וחוזר וקם מנפילתו...כל עלייה של נשמה יש בה ממילא אפשרות של נפילה, אלא שכל נפילה ונפילה היא בשורה מאוימת לעלייה העתידה לבוא. שכן נפילה וקימה – זהו התוך והמהות של העבודה האמיתית, התנועה רצוא-ושוב של הנשמה, המתעלה מעלה-מעלה.

חיים גראביצר הוא חסיד חב"ד שנועד לגדולות. עם זאת הוא מסרב בכל תוקף לרבנות ודבק במלאכת המלמד, בזכותה הוא רואה עצמו כמשה רבנו המביא נשמות רכות למעמד הר סיני. אין דומה לו, לגראביצר, בקולו הרועם, במזגו הסוער וביושר לבו, שאינו מתכופף בפני איש.

אולם אסון נורא שומט את הקרקע מתחת רגליו, וגראביצר נקרע מחייו, מעולמו ומאמונותיו, כגרם שמים שניתק ממסלולו ונותר משוטט בחלל. הוא "נופל" ומתגלגל במסע מלא תעוזה ומתח בין עולמות רוחניים תרבותיים וחברתיים שונים: מחסידות חב"ד לחסידות פולין, משם לישיבת וולוז'ין ולעולמם של המתנגדים ולתנועת ההשכלה ועד לגורלם הטראגי של הקנטוניסטים.

חיים גראביצר – סיפורו של נופל הוא ספר ייחודי ומרתק שנכתב ביידיש בשנות העשרים של המאה העשרים וראה אור לראשונה בעברית בשנת 1939, בתרגומו הנפלא ומלא החיים של הסופר והמשורר אברהם שלונסקי. הספר מקים לתחייה את העולם היהודי של העיירות בפולין במאה התשע-עשרה, ומתאר נאמנה את חיי היהודים באירופה שלפני מלחמות העולם.

פרופ' יהושע פישל שניאורסון (1958-1888) נולד למשפחת רבנים ואדמו"רי חסידות חב"ד, למד בישיבות והוסמך לרבנות, ולאחר מכן למד רפואה ופסיכיאטריה בברלין. בשנת 1936 עלה לארץ ישראל והקים בתל אביב מרכז אבחון וטיפול פסיכולוגי. לצד לימודיו ועבודתו הקלינית, חיבר שניאורסון סיפורת ייחודית מודרנית, אשר נתנה ביטוי מרתק לאישיותו ולשאלות שהתחבט בהן בחייו. הספר חיים גראביצר הוא גולת הכותרת של יצירתו הספרותית.

הוצאת ידיעות ספרים גאה להשיב אל קוראי העברית אוצר תרבותי וספרותי שכמעט ונשכח בארון הספרים היהודי. הספר רואה אור כעת במהדורה מחודשת, מעודכנת ומוערת.

Watchful Waiting' Best for Ear Infections, Pediatricians Say

ABC News   In an effort to rein in antibiotic use, the American Academy of Pediatrics has issued stricter guidelines on diagnosing and treating ear infections in kids.

The updated guidelines, published in the March issue of the journal Pediatrics, also added a recommendation against prophylactic antibiotic use in kids with recurrent ear infections. 

The 2013 guidelines are specifically for uncomplicated acute otitis media at ages 6 months to 12 years in otherwise healthy children without tympanostomy tubes, anatomic abnormalities such as cleft palate or Down syndrome, immune deficiencies or cochlear implants.

A father's words on his 17 year old daughter's 9th yahrzeit

This was sent to me to post as a result of a question as to whether I had seen any discussion of parents' mourning their children in the Torah literature. It was sent as "a testament to how a bereaved parent grieves and heals 9years out."

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Guest post by Baruch C. Cohen, Esq.

On the 2nd day of Rosh Chodesh Adar, Monday, February 11, 2013 we will commemorate the 9th Yahrtzeit of our daughter Hindy. ... 9 years .....

Every Motzoi Shabbos we welcome in the new week, with the words of Havdallah: “Hinei Kel Yeshuasee Eftach Velo Efchad Ki Azi Vezimros Kah” - Behold! Hashem is my salvation. I shall trust and not fear, for Hashem is my might and my praise/song.  Ki Azi “Vezimros” Kah (Yeshayah 12:2).

The Hebrew word “Zimrah” has various meanings. It can mean song, from the word “Zemer;” it can also mean the most praiseworthy, as in Yaakov Avinu’s instruction to his sons “Kechu Mizimras Haaretz” take from that which is most praiseworthy (Bereishis 43:11); and it can also mean to prune as the Gemorah in Shabbos (73b) says: “Zomer Chayav Mishum Note'a” (pruning is Chayav because of planting). When one has a tree with an inferior branch that is drawing nourishment from the mother tree, thereby taking away nutrition from the good branches, the bad branch is pruned, cut away, for the sake of the others.

Tonight on the eve of my daughter 9th Yahrtzeit, all aspects of the word Zimrah are applicable. “Kechu Mizimras Haaretz” take from the best; that would be my daughter Hindy. She really was a great kid. She was from the best. Perhaps she was ... ‘plucked’ from us at a young age or “pruned” from our tree, so that she would be an atonement for others, and that is perhaps why were are able to sing about her life 9 years later, because in the depth of our souls we understand that she may have saved us.

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The most emotionally wrenching episode in Parshas Vayishlach is the death of Rachel Imeinu during the birth of Binyamin. Recall, that on the way to Eretz Yisroel, Rachel Imeinu went into childbirth, and the midwife indicated that it was a son. Rachel Imeinu's labor was extremely difficult, and ultimately proved fatal. The Pasuk (35:18) records that in her last dying breath, Rachel Imeinu named her son "Ben Oni," but that "his father" (i.e., Yaakov Avniu) called him "Binyamin."

As Rachel Imeinu breathed her last breath on this world, knowing fully well that she was about to die, she named her son “Ben Oni” meaning the son of my pain. Obviously she went through great pain in order to bring him into the world. Yet Yaakov Avinu ignored her dying wish and called him “Binyomin” instead - son of my strength.

Why would Rachel Imeinu give such a depressing name to her son “Ben Oni” and how could Yaakov Avinu change it?

I gave a lot of thought to this brief exchange between Binyomin’s parents over his name that is wedged into the Posuk of Rochel Imeinu’s death, I reflected heavily on what exactly was Rachel’s pain, what was her dying message to her son, and what was Yaakov’s response, and who was right? I have concluded that this enigmatic Posuk contains powerful insights into pain, powerful lessons on how to grieve properly, and finally inspiring lessons on how to go forward in life after a tragedy.

But first, let us try to imagine the scene leading to the birth of this child as it unfolded, and the conversation that I suspect might have transpired between Yaacov Avinu and Rachel Imeinu. After being childless for so many years, Rachel Imeinu is finally blessed with her second son. After yearning and praying for decades, her prayers are at last answered. She is lying in bed. She is dying--and she knows it! She is about to be separated forever from the only man she ever loved--and she knows it! She will never reside in Eretz Yisroel--and she knows it! She will never be able to raise this 2nd child of hers--and she knows it! And she is consumed by pain! She looks at her newborn son, and while searching for the appropriate name for him, she is so overcome with pain and grief, that she chooses a name that embodies her emotions: “Ben Oni” - the child of my suffering.

In my research into this Posuk, I discovered two incredible insights that shed light into the private world of turmoil that Rachel Imeinu carried within her:

First, the Chasam Sofer: The reason Rachel Imeinu died when they came into Eretz Yisroel is that Yaakov Avinu and all the Avos kept all the Mitzvos while in Eretz Yisroel. Since he couldn't be married to two sisters, Rachel Imeinu being the second sister he married was doomed to death upon their return from Chutz La'Aretz into Eretz Yisroel. This all happened to Rachel Imeinu because of the strength and courage that she showed in helping her sister Leah marry Yaakov on what was to be her wedding night. Rachel Imeinu’s death was yet another painful chapter and yet another tragic consequence of her heroic and selfless act.  And hence, her intense pain culminating at that moment.

Second, from Rav Yaakov Meidan, the Rosh Yeshiva Har Etzion: In Parshas Vayeitze, Rachel Imeinu steals her father's Terafim (idols) (Bereishis 31:19) and she now believes that her death is a consequence of her sin. Hence, she names her son “Ben Oni” (literally, "the son of my sin"). In contrast, Yaakov Avinu understands his wife's death to be a result of his vow to Lavan that the one who took the Terafim will surely die. Therefore, he calls his son Binyamin (literally, "the son of the right [hand]" in the Torah, oaths are frequently represented by the right hand). In other words, instead of accusing each other and blaming each other, both Yaakov Avinu and Rachel Imeinu assumed responsibility and shouldered the blame for Rachel Imeinu’s death. Again, this was her internal pain.

But that addresses the agonizing pain as to why Rachel Imeinu named her son Ben Oni. This still begs the question even more! How could Yaakov Avinu deny his dying wife’s wish? This seems rather strange. What's wrong with the name “Ben Oni?” If this was Rachel’s last wish, shouldn't he have kept the name she so greatly desired? Why change it?

The Ramban points out that the word "Oni" really has two meanings.  It can indeed mean strength as in "Raiyshis Oni," or it can mean very deep sorrow and pain. On the day of someone's death, a close relative who must mourn for him is Halachically called an "Onein." The day of death is the most painful day in a person's life. Perhaps Rachel Imeinu called her son “Ben Oni” so that he would always remember the great pain she was willing to suffer in order to bring a son into this world. In fact, on the very day of his birth Binyomin was actually considered an Onein. By naming him “Ben Oni” he would always remember how much he meant to her. That she was willing to sacrifice her own life for him. He was to remember this lesson every day of his life. In fact he would be celebrating his birthday on the very day of her Yahrtzeit, on the day he had once been an Onein. Her subtle message to him may have been that he should always prove himself worthy so that she wouldn't have suffered in vain. Every day of his life he'd be reminded that his mother had given up her own life so that he could come into this world and would try to live up to her great expectations. Hence the name “Ben Oni.”

According to the Ramban, Yaakov Avinu may well have been worried that Binyomin may subconsciously blame himself, for his mother's death. After all, if not for him, she would still have lived. While it certainly wasn't his fault; it was his birth that was responsible for his mother's death. This very thought could haunt a very sensitive person for the rest of his life. To be reminded of this fact on a daily basis may be too much for him to bear. Every time someone would call him by his name “Ben Oni” it would somehow remind him of that tragedy that occurred on the day of his birth, and that his mother suffered and had died on his account. Yaakov Avinu probably felt that this was far too much for a person to bear, and so he decided to change his son’s name. Yet he didn't change it completely. He kept the first part of the name "Ben" and only changed the second part.

The Ramban suggests that Yaakov Avinu both wanted to honor Rachel Imeinu and sweeten her bitter words at the same time. The Ramban says that he changed the word “Oni” which can also mean strength to the word “Yemin” which also connotes strength or power, since it is the right hand which is the strong and powerful one.  In other words, Yaakov Avinu respected and honored Rachel Imeinu's choice of names, but disagreed with her about its meaning.

I understand this amazing Ramban as follows: At that agonizing moment, Rachel saw pessimism and finality, that her family would celebrate Binyamin's birth while they were sitting Shiva for her, that she would never know him, and he would never know her, making little orphan Binyamin into a tragic case. Nor was she wrong!

But at that same gut-wrenching moment, Yaakov Avinu instead saw optimism and possibility, strength and hope, in Binyamin. He refused to dwell on the past and only looked to Binyamin's future.

Binyomin’s birth was rooted in the tragedy of his mother's death, but also symbolizes a triumph of completion. The Shiftei-Kah - the twelve tribes became complete when Binyamin was born, the journey of Yaakov was completed. In the end, even the Bais Hamikdosh was to be built in the territory of Binyamin partly because of what Binyamin's birth represented.

Yaakov lived perhaps the hardest and most punishing life of all the Avos. Yet, when he looked down at his new baby boy - Binyamin - rather than succumbing to the tragedy and the realization of what he had lost, he instead focused on that which he had gained, a special son, a Ben Zekunim, a child of his old age, a memorial to Rachel Imeinu.

Yaakov Avinu was a relentless optimist. In each challenge that came his way, he found reason for hope and inspiration. When the rock covered the well, he did not dwell on how impossible it would be to move it, he just did what he had to do. When he was fooled into marrying Leah, he did not write sad poetry about it; he went back to work for Rachel Imeinu. When Lavan tried to cheat him, he did not play the victim, he just figured out a way to turn the tables. And when Rachel Imeinu died - tragically and suddenly - he found joy in his son and kept moving forward.

May we be like Yaakov Avinu, recognizing the good that we have and being irrepressibly optimistic about the future.

Bilah HaMoves Lanetzach, Umacha Hashem Elokim Dimah Meyal Kol Ponim - May He swallow up death forever; may Hashem wipe away tears from every face (Isaiah 25:8) T'hei Nishmasa Tzrurah B'tzror Ha'chaim.

ITIM challenges State monopoly on Orthodox conversions

JPOST   The ITIM religious services and advocacy group has filed a petition with the High Court of Justice demanding that the Interior Ministry recognize Orthodox conversions performed in Israel in non-state Orthodox rabbinical courts.

The state conversion authority, which comes under the auspices of the Prime Minister’s Office, is the only body in the country through which an Orthodox convert can gain legal recognition that he or she is Jewish.

But many Orthodox conversion candidates have in recent years sought to convert in non-state Orthodox rabbinical courts, largely because of bureaucratic obstacles and inefficiencies in the state run system.[...]

The organization cited one case in its petition in which a woman from South America, who wishes to remain anonymous, applied to the state conversion authority to convert in 2007, but was only accepted by its Exceptions Committee to begin the conversion process in 2010.

She had, however, become frustrated with the system by this time and had already approached the haredi Badatz rabbinical court of Rabbi Nissim Karelitz in Bnei Brak, which accepted her for conversion.

She successfully completed her conversion course through Karelitz’s rabbinical court and in March 2011 was registered by a state rabbinical court as Jewish.

The woman subsequently married and had a child, but because she is not registered in the Interior Ministry’s population registry as Jewish, her child is not considered Jewish by the state.

Weiss-Dodelson – A Response to Attack from Rosh Yeshivas on Rabbi Weiss

Response to Attack on Mayer Weiss From Rosh Yeshivas