Philadelphia Sportswriter Accused of Child Molestation

NY Times

A prominent Philadelphia sportswriter abruptly retired Tuesday as three women and one man accused him of sexually molesting them when they were children in the 1970s, according to an investigation by The Philadelphia Inquirer. 

The sportswriter, Bill Conlin, 77, a member of the news media wing of the Baseball Hall of Fame and a columnist for The Philadelphia Daily News for more than four decades, abused the children when they were from ages 7 to 12, they told The Inquirer in graphic detail in an article posted on the paper’s Web site.[...]

Dr. Asher Lipner: Response to Letter from Survivor of Incest

Original Letter

Comments

Clarification by Survivor of Incest

 =======================================

My response to the writer:

I admire your courage and strength.  You have survived great emotional trauma and made a life for yourself.  You are healthy enough to both recognize conflicted feelings about some of the most complex issues a person can face and to express them clearly and honestly.  Whatever more you do, and wherever you go from here, I want you to know that I feel honored to address you because of the specialness of your accomplishments, and what you have to offer the community and the world with your wisdom.  

I have been faced with similar questions plaguing others.  I too am a survivor of abuse by my Rebbe, which poses a different set of questions and emotional conflicts, but I know many other people who have survived incest.

The reason that contacting law enforcement is almost always a good idea is for safety.  In the case you quote of the author whose problems changed when police were brought in to stop her from being abused in her family, experiencing incest on an ongoing basis creates such a high level of risk for damaging one's life, that no serious consideration can be given to "collateral damage" that occurs when stopping the abuse.  This is the halacha, and the law in most civilized countries, and while not necessarily true 100% of the time, from a clinical perspective the vast majority of the time the "new" problems are not as permanently scarring and damaging as child sexual abuse allowed to continue.  

As for contact with family, each survivor needs to work this out for themselves.  It sounds like you have a conflict about wanting to stop the charade which feels soul-killing on the one hand, but wanting to keep it up for the outside world so that you will not have to lose communal status on the other.  This situation presents you with little alternative but to make the choice you have made: to cut off ties to your family.  What if you were to break the charade ONLY inside the family?  What if you confronted all the members and tell them how you feel?  That you can understand why showing a united and positive front to the outside has benefits, but at least internally can everyone acknowledge that there has been grave sinning and abuse that has gone on, and can they not only validate you, but work with you to hold your father accountable, and make him do Teshuva?  You might be able to have your cake and eat it to.  You could get healing support and validation from your family members, thereby allowing you to have contact with them without feeling "killed", while at the same time you would give up the validation of your story by the whole world, by choosing to keep the healing process within the family.  Another advantage of confrontation vs. total distance, is that it is another step towards making others safe from your father.  Do you never worry about your nieces and nephews?  Since your father has admitted his behavior, there is some reason to hope that others will support you, because they will not be able to deny it happened, which is usually the way family members choose to avoid having to deal with the problem.  

What I am suggesting is just that, a suggestion.   It is not intended to state "the right thing to do".  Each situation is different, and there is no one size fits all right or wrong answer when it comes to healing.  

Good luck, and Hashem should continue to give you strength in your healing,

Asher

If there were another way to stop the abuse without the police, such as removing the children from the home, that might be preferable in some cases, but that does not always stop the abuse.   As long as the molester still is allowed contact with the child, there is risk of continued abuse, and unless you involve the courts, it is impossible to guarantee that such access will be denied.  

Another reason to involve the police is to protect other people.  While many children do survive and some even go on to thrive after sexual abuse, removing the child from the home does not stop the abuser from molesting other children.  The only way to provide serious protection for all children from an identified child molester is to have the molester confronted and held accountable in a court of law.  This would not only help the child who is being molested be protected, other children the molester may have access to be protected, but it would also create a situation in which the molester can be helped to stop his criminal behavior and live a more healthy life. The victims need therapy, but the molesters need to be helped as well, and for them, treatment is usually only even somewhat effective if it is court mandated and monitored.  

Rabbi Pinto’s Followers Blame Aides for Missing Millions

NYTimes

Six years ago, an Orthodox rabbi and mystic who traces his lineage to King David moved to New York from Israel and amassed a notable following. Real estate titans fetched him at the airport. Members of Congress attended his Hebrew classes. Even LeBron James, who is not Jewish, borrowed a friend’s yacht to consult the rabbi in private. 

Lately though, the image of the rabbi, Yoshiyahu Yosef Pinto, 38, has seemed tarnished. Millions of dollars in donations to the rabbi’s congregation cannot be accounted for, according to his aides and lawyers. Articles in Jewish publications have questioned his judgment. Camera crews have trailed him, with reporters shouting questions about improprieties. 

Now, the rabbi’s close followers are disclosing what they say is the source of many of his troubles. They said they told federal investigators that the rabbi had been the victim of a bizarre embezzlement and extortion plot that was carried out by two former members of his inner circle, who stole his congregation’s money and tried to frame him.[...]

Supportive Steps After a Sexual Assault

NY Times

Do you know what to do if you or someone close to you becomes the victim of a sexual assault? A national survey released last week by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention indicated that sexual assaults are far more common than previously believed, with nearly one woman in five reporting that she had been the victim of rape or attempted rape. 

Ideally, anyone who has been forced into a sexual act should be seen within 24 hours at a hospital emergency room where a specially trained team provides medical care and counseling, collects high-quality forensic evidence and supports often terrified victims who may — or may not — choose to pursue legal action. 

Unless you already know the best place to go, call a rape crisis hot line, regardless of the nature of the assault and even if the attack occurred days or weeks earlier. There’s a hot line in every community, according to Dr. Judith A. Linden, an emergency physician at Boston University School of Medicine, where she treats victims and trains medical personnel how to be sensitive and thorough in examining people who have been sexually assaulted.[...]

In Israel's past bastions of secularism, religious debates flare

Haaretz

The disagreement over worship traditions at Matzuva is just one example of the conflicts that have developed in the past several years at dozens of kibbutzim around the country. In some the issue is which stream or tradition to follow, while at others the dispute is over whether to build a synagogue on the kibbutz and where to put it: at the center of the community, or off the beaten path. Economic issues are also involved: The Religious Services Ministry spends hundreds of thousands of shekels every year to build synagogues in kibbutzim that want it.[...]

Dr. Moti Zeira, director of Oranim College's HaMidrasha Educational Center for the Renewal of Jewish Life in Israel, ascribed the current conflict to increased religious observance in Israel and a change in the kibbutz population. He said kibbutzim were influenced by the move toward increasing religious observance that began in the 1980s. "Young kibbutz members who became observant and stayed on kibbutz demanded venues for worship, posing a challenge from within that strikes a sensitive nerve," Zeira said. At the same time, many kibbutzim are absorbing new members, or nonmember residents, who want religious services.[...]

'Discrimination against women to be seen as crime'

Jpost

Jerusalem - Police commissioner Insp.-Gen. Yochanan Danino ordered his commanders and officers to enforce a zero tolerance policy towards discrimination against women on Monday, following a string of incidents involving the negative treatment of women by haredi (ultra-Orthodox) men in public areas in recent days.

According to guidelines sent by Danino to police commanders, any form of discrimination against women must be treated as a criminal offense or a public disorder incident.

Danino accompanied the orders with a condemnation of the phenomenon, describing “any attempt to harm the rights of women” as unacceptable.

Child abuse is often unreported - few are punished for violating mandatory reporting laws

USA Today   

For counterpoint http://www.nccpr.org/reports/mandatoryreporting.pdf

[...] Yet a USA TODAY examination of police and court records from across the USA found that a combination of infrequent enforcement and small penalties means adults often have little to fear from concealing abuse.[...]

Child welfare agencies estimate that 695,000 children were abused or neglected last year, but studies have repeatedly found that even more abuse goes unreported.

In a 1990 RAND Corp. survey, for example, 40% of professionals admitted they had not reported at least one instance of suspected abuse, even though the law required them to do so. In a 2008 study published in the journal Pediatrics, medical researchers found that doctors chose not to report more than a quarter of physical injuries they thought were "likely" or "very likely" caused by abuse. The studies found that workers weren't certain what they saw was abuse, and they worried that reporting their suspicions could do more harm than good. [....]

Thousands of Haredim protest in Jerusalem over Zionist take over of the tomb of the Rashbi

YNET

Thousands of haredim took part in a demonstration in Jerusalem's Shabbat Square Sunday night to protest a decision to establish a state authority which will be responsible for the tomb of Simeon bar Yochai in Mount Meron. Among the protesters were prominent ultra-Orthodox rabbis and leaders.

Chareidim order woman to sit in back of public bus - she refuses

Ynet

 Transportation Minister Yisrael Katz on Sunday ordered an official investigation into an incident in which a young woman was told to sit in the back of a bus driving from Ashdod to Jerusalem due to haredi protest.

The incident happened on Friday when Tanya Rosenblit, 28, was on Egged bus 451. "I dressed modestly and tried to keep a low profile, but I could tell something strange was going on," she told Yedioth Ahronoth. 

"I could tell that the other passengers were looking at me with disdain. One of them yelled 'Shiksa' at me and demanded I move to the back of the bus, because Jewish men can't sit behind a woman."

2 NJ day schools accuse female teacher of "inappropriate sexual contact"

Jewish Standard

Two New Jersey Jewish schools have announced that a teacher they formerly employed had “inappropriate sexual contact” with student.

Both the Torah Academy of Bergen County, in Teaneck, and the Jewish Educational Center, in Elizabeth, sent out letters informing their parent bodies that they had recently been informed of the incidents of sexual contact with the teacher, who is female. The incidents had occurred prior to this year.

The schools indicated that they immediately contacted the police, who opened investigations.

Survivor of Incest clarifies her letter

This is a clarification of the original letter  in response to my comments and those of other readers

Dear Rabbi Eidensohn,

It seems like there are some misunderstandings about some aspects of my situation.So let me set things straight.

I had no recollection of the abuse until a few years after my wedding, when I entered therapy for a seemingly different problem, (more about that later.) I believe the reason for this is two-fold. Firstly, yes, trauma often gets suppressed. But an equally important reason is that I had no way of knowing when I was going through the abuse that this was not ok. Of course it didn’t feel ok, but I knew nothing about sex, had no language about what was happening, thus I didn’t even have the tools to be able to ask myself whether what my father was doing was ok or not. I believed I was special, and that is why my father was doing this with me, and probably nobody else in the world (certainly not my friends,) has had, or will ever have this experience. I definitely had no clue that this is something all married adults do, and it is not meant for children, or for anyone else besides one’s spouse. I knew about immorality being one of the three cardinal sins that one must give their lives for, yet I had no idea what immorality was, and certainly had no idea that this was what my father was doing.

In addition, please understand that it was totally inconceivable to me that my father would do anything against Halacha, since he was my primary educator regarding Yiddishkeit, so to me, for sure my father was a bigger Yirea Shomayim then I was.  (And those of you familiar with the Chassidishe education system, I’m sure you can realize how we inculcate this notion into our children that the previous generations are for sure much better than the later ones.  After all, the whole issue of Massorah, in a way, hinges on this belief.)

When I found out about sex, a few weeks before my wedding, it was already a couple of years after the last time my father actually lived with me, so although, under the surface there were loads of issues there for me, yet I didn’t have any landing space for the truth to come up and be exposed to me consciously.

Then, a few years after my wedding, I hit a rock bottom regarding a seemingly unrelated issue, and it was suggested to me that I go for therapy, which I did.  It took a year of intensive therapy until I realized that what my father did on a regular basis was sexual abuse, and then, once I realized that, the more suppressed memories of actually living with my father came to the forefront.

Even after the truth was clear to me, it still took another full year of therapy until I was ready to deal with the incest. I needed to take the time in therapy to reexamine who my father really is, character wise, in order for me to be able to accept and deal with the information I now had.

Based on my experience, regarding what it took for me to be able to come face to face with what really happened, I wrote to you in a previous comment that I strongly feel that the majority of incest victims in the Chassidishe communities are not even aware that they are victims.

I have been on an intensive healing journey since my discovery (for close to 20 years,) and look forward to continue on this path for the rest of my life. Baruch Hashem, I can now say that so much of who I am today would not have been possible had I not had the incest in my history. Healing from the incest has forced me to grow in ways that would never have been possible for me had I not had my history. And I believe growth is really what life is all about, and where the pleasure is at.(I hope it is self understood that I’m not in any way justifying abuse by making the above statements. Hashem runs this world, and ultimately no harm befalls us that isn’t leading to our higher good, in this world or the next. Yet this doesn’t at all excuse or mitigate the actions of the perpetrator, who is clearly responsible for his deeds.

Now let me share with you an excerpt of my first letter in order to clarify the point I was trying to make.

I often ponder, “As a child going through the abuse, knowing what I know now as an adult that has been through close to 20 years of intense healing, what would I have wanted other adults to have done to help me back then?” And I cannot say that reporting it to the authorities is the answer. I would have wished for someone, perhaps an aunt or other family member or family friend, to step in and remove me from my family, without exposing to the world what was really happening, (like by forcing my parents to send me to seminary, or by sending me to live with a grandparent with the excuse that the grandparents need a grandchild with them, etc.) In addition, I wish they would have sent me for therapy right then as a teenager

Had the authorities been called into the picture, and my family would have been exposed, I fear I would have never been comfortable in the community again.  Certainly I wouldn’t have been able to do the shidduch I did, or hold the prestigious job I hold. It is sad, but it is just the fact, that our community would surely consider someone like myself as damaged goods, had they been told the truth.  So I keep asking myself, is it really right for us to take a stand that calling in the authorities in such situations is the only correct thing to do?  After all, isn’t it the victim’s life that we are here to improve, and does calling in the authorities, especially in cases of incest really help the victim in the long run?

I think I have made it quite clear that removing the child from the family and getting them into therapy, needs to be the top priority in order to help the victim.

Of course there is also the other issue of protecting potential victims, yet this is not the point I’m focusing on in my letter, rather my question is, what is best for the victim. (Though I do affirm that we are commanded לא תעמד על דם ריעך and if we are able to prevent someone from being abused, and we don’t, we share the liability together with the perpetrator.)

Now, quoting your letter, "living a good and productive life at the cost of living a lie,” I believe that is an oxymoron. Learning to live a good life publicly while privately suffering the painful consequences of being a victim of incest, what is the benefit of living a good life publicly when one is suffering privately?

I don’t see myself as one who lives a lie. Both of my parents are aware of my truth, and more importantly, I do not participate in family functions where I perceive that my presence is an acquiescence to my family’s façade, no matter how weird this looks to others, or how uncomfortable it makes others feel. But perhaps most importantly, because of all the help I received over the years, and my husband’s continuous staunch validation, I know, and totally accept my truth.I choose not to share about my incest with my next door neighbor, school friends, or husband’s family simply because I feel the community just can’t handle it, and chances are they will ostracize me rather than face the truth, or at best, just simply be freaked out by me and my existence. After all, I know what it took for me to be able to digest the information of incest existing in the Chassidishe world, even though I only stood to gain by assimilating that fact, and I was in intense therapy to help me along.So what can I expect of the average Chassidishe community member?

There is just so much more I can say about this point, that I have come to understand while grappling with all this over the years, yet I do realize that this letter is long enough already as is. 

So thanks again for giving me the space to clarify myself, and wishing you much further success.

Jerusalem Conference on Abuse - Rav Zev Leff & Dr. David Pelcovitz January 22, 2012

Brooklyn D.A. Refuses To Name Child Sex Abusers

Forward

Law enforcement officials, legal experts, advocates and politicians have questioned why Brooklyn’s District Attorney arrested 85 Orthodox adults on child sex abuse charges but refuses to release their names.

In just three years, District Attorney Charles Hynes has arrested 83 Orthodox men and two women on charges including sexual abuse, attempted kidnapping and sodomy.

But when asked to reveal names — even of the 14 abusers who were convicted of sex crimes — Hynes refuses.[...]

Abused Israeli guru's 17 wives & 38 children received millions in aid

Haaretz

Many of the wives of Goel Ratzon, the self-styled spiritual guru arrested nearly two years ago for terrorizing and abusing them and their children, are still suffering hardship despite the millions of shekels the state has spent on their rehabilitation. 

Ratzon's 17 wives and their 38 children have received more than NIS 3.4 million in government aid through the Social Affairs Ministry, an unprecedented sum that is far beyond what is usually granted abused women who leave their homes. The funding covered such things as removing tattoos and covering debts of several hundred thousand shekels.