class #646, Mind of Control, 1:23:45
When the great dread day [death] comes, when finally Hashem says you are free, you are absolved, does the neshama feel relief, does the neshama celebrate that it's all over? Oh no. It's the yom hamara, the great and bitter day. Because our happiness in life is the duty of being in control. Ta'avah ni'hiya, when a desire is broken, is repressed, te'erav le-nefesh, [Mishlei 13:10] how sweet it is for the soul.
Disappointments
when you accept that in good will, that's a great success for you.
Success doesn't mean anything. Anybody can rejoice with success. When a
person who keeps his mind calm even in disappointment, that's the person
who is gaining shelmaius. And that's why HaKodesh Baruch Hu created us.
Life is full
of disappointments. It's full of joys. If there are joys and successes
we have to celebrate by thanking Hashem. Certainly we should [also] be
grateful and express our gratitude for all the difficulties of life.
Here's a woman
who had seven children with her husband. Then she put her eyes on a
strange man. And she fell in love with a strange man. This mishugenah woman
decides that she's unhappy with her husband. Now later she gets over
this infatuation with this strange man. He goes away and moves out of
the neighborhood. Now she's disillusioned with her husband. A woman with
seven children. She lived like a Jewish woman until now.
But she has
deep down in her heart gentile attitudes, attitudes maybe there's such a
thing as romance yet in life. That's a gentile attitude. And she feels
unhappy. And the husband is a hum drum husband, an ordinary decent
Jewish husband. Maybe a handsome man too. But still you're accustomed to
him already. He's too accustomed to be romantic anymore. And so she
starts becoming dissatisfied. You know what she's doing? She's ruining
her neshama.
Of course
she's not going to commit adultery. She's going to force him to give her
a get. She's going to break away from him and she'll look for somebody
else to marry. She'll be disappointed. No question. The second time will
be worse than the first time. No question.
But the
breaking away, that's a corruption of the soul. Your perfection is to
take what Hashem gave you (.... ) Cling to Hashem all the days of your
life. V'dovak b'ishto. Control yourself. Squelch the imaginary
romances that you think are waiting for you in life. It's all false.
Make up your mind that what you have is what's good for you and people
who live that way into their old age. No romance. Just live dutifully,
live loyally, loyal to Hashem Who gave this to you. And don't be a nirgon, don't complain.
How long is
life after all? The great day will come when you will finally be
relieved then you'll say, ah now I look back and see how fortunate I
was, I was loyal to my husband all these years. I didn't complain. I
bore my burden dutifully as a bas Yisroel what HaKodesh Baruch Hu wanted me to do.
[1:27:36] Unfortunately today there's a rash of divorces and in most cases it's Jewish women. Even the frum Jewish
women are demanding divorces from their husbands, all over, everywhere.
It's an epidemic and a tragedy of tragedies. They are ruining their
lives, but most of all they are ruining their neshamas.
People are not
willing to make peace with their circumstances. Say I'm going to live
the best I can with the circumstances that Hashem gave me. These are the
people who are going to succeed and they are achieving what's called shlaimus of parishas haratzon. They are conquering their passions. They are ruling with their minds over their emotions. And that is the greatest perfection.
See if you can do it with yiras shemayim,
with fear of Hashem, very good. Even if not, any which way you succeed
in living dutifully and accepting what Hashem gave you, you are
successful and you live your life with a grand purpose.
