1.IS THIS A VALID EXCUSE IF SHE INDEED IS A DEVOTED MOTHER
2. does the wife in fact have any obligations to the children?
3. IS this legitimate grounds for divorce?
4. What if one or more of the children are sick or handicapped can the husband demand full attention from the wife at the expense of the children
2. does the wife in fact have any obligations to the children?
3. IS this legitimate grounds for divorce?
4. What if one or more of the children are sick or handicapped can the husband demand full attention from the wife at the expense of the children
Parents will raise happier children 'if they put them second to their marriage'
US therapist David Code argues that an over-focus on kids creates demanding offspring and anxious, exhausted parents
Want better-adjusted, more successful children? The answer is not to cram their free hours with Kumon maths, Mandarin lessons and violin classes. Nor is it to be a "helicopter parent", forever hovering.
Devoted parents do not produce happy children, says a new book that has become a bestseller in America and is about to be published in the UK. Adults who want the best for their children should spend less time trying to be the perfect parent and more time striving to be the perfect spouse, according to David Code, author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First.
This sounds like a real case Daattorah is involved with. I wish him well to bring shalom bayis. I have full confidence that he’ll succeed. Here are my answers to his questions.
ReplyDelete“QUESTION wife neglects husband claiming the children need her more than her husband can he demand attention from his wife at the expense of the children??”
No
“1.IS THIS A VALID EXCUSE IF SHE INDEED IS A DEVOTED MOTHER”
Yes
“2. does the wife in fact have any obligations to the children?”
Yes
“3.IS this legitimate grounds for divorce?”
No
“4.What if one or more of the children are sick or handicapped can the husband demand full attention from the wife at the expense of the children”
No
This question is too abstract. What does it mean she "neglects"?
ReplyDeleteCommon sense would point out the following: the children are the most important element of any family and, once upon a time, this was so accepted in Jewish culture that it didn't even need to be pointed out. Therefore, before asking if there's a problem with the husband not getting to be the centre of his wife's attention, we should be asking: by what right does he prioritize his needs over his children's? If he wants to be a good father, should he not join his wife in giving attention to the children? And if he doesn't, why should we care about what he thinks or wants?
ReplyDeletewitnessed on bus
ReplyDelete6 year old was thowing major tantrum
mother was unable to calm him so she promised him a huge bar of cjocalate if he would stop sceaming
he agreed and started eating it
mother said could he please leave a bit for his father since he was a talmid chachim and that was all the chocolate they had
child broke off 4 small pieces for his father and continued to devour the rest
she devotes her time and energy to one party and so has nothing for the other
ReplyDeleteor she make sure children are fully fed but not the husband
expresses interest in activities of her children but has no patience left to ask husband how his day was
is that clear enough???
Sure. Seems like it might a case of poor project management, of which time management is an essential element.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, one or more of these factors may be in play:
(1) Wife is exhausted because of something lacking in her, such as time management skills.
(2) Wife is exhausted because of external factors: she has to care for several kids and the household. Plus she may have a job, and she may be lacking resources, such as money to hire someone to help her.
(3) Wife lacks concern for husband. Again this could be intrinsic, that she doesn't care for him; or due to some external factor, such as he fails to make money to support the family, or fails to assist with the raising of the children.
We need to sit down with the wife when her husband is not there and determine which of these factors come into play, and how much each the contributing factor comes into play.
The way forward could be as simple as telling the wife to be more cognizant of her husband's feelings, or as complicated as telling the husband to make more money.
If both parties are willing to work together on keeping the marriage together, great. If one or more want out, that route will have to be explored.
That will be 5¢, please.
The way this question is presented seems like one party of a dispute who is talking to the rabbi before the other party gets there.
ReplyDeleteThings don't happen in a vacuum. Is she so diligent that she has no need or desire to take some time for her own pleasure at all, for a coffee break or some leisure time? Or does she simply not like his company? Then why not? Etc.
If he wants to straighten things out, then should speak to someone who is qualified to help, and not withhold anything that needs to be understood and dealt with in the context of the marriage.
Jewish law has many very specific stipulations regarding what a wife's obligations to serve her husband are.
ReplyDeleteIf one wants out while the other doesn't, the default in Jewish law is that the marriage continues. One wanting our is generally insufficient.
ReplyDeleteAnd the husband should just be ignored?
ReplyDeleteA wife has clear obligations to her husband.
What obligation does she have to her kids ??
disqus_EGtl1emKtV 5++
ReplyDeleteNo woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. Hey, i am looking for an online sexual partner ;) Click on my boobs if you are interested (. )( .)
ReplyDelete