Hebrew Books Nitei Gavriel (Chapter
50 Yichud page 325): Avos (1:5) says, “A man should not have excessive idle
conversation (sicha) with a woman. That is said in regards to one’s wife so
even more so it applies to the wife of another.” Therefore when a man has no
choice but to speak to a woman he should minimize it as much as possible.
That
is what the Derech Pekudecha (Mahartza Mudinov - Lo Saaseh 35:8) concluded. He
said, “It is surprising that accomplished Torah scholars and G‑d fearing men
are not careful of this prohibition which requires them to weigh precisely each
word that they speak with a woman in order not to add even one unnecessary
word. I personally could not find a legitimate justification for this behavior.
However I provided some sort of rationale for it based on the Sefer Chasidim which
is cited by the Beis Shmuel (E.H. 62:11). He says that at a wedding meal – if
there a men and women together in a single room then the beracha of hasimcha b'miono should not be recited. That is because there is no true rejoicing in a
place where the evil inclination operates freely. In fact I have not seen
anyone who has acts in accord with this ruling. I did find an explanation for
this in the Levush who writes, ‘And now we are not careful with to observe this
ruling because it is normal for women to be frequently found together with men
(e.g., business, professions, and stores). As a consequence of this reality,
sinful thoughts when seeing women are not so prevalent as when the sexes were
kept separate because they are viewed neutrally as one would view geese due to
the constant habituation. Therefore since it has become normal to violate this
concern – it is ignored .’ One must conclude according this analysis that when a
Jewish community is operating properly and livelihood is readily obtained you
will not see a single woman outside the home because they are not involved in
commerce. Consequently a man living in that community if he happens to see a
woman – it is something extremely rare experience and therefore it will
generate erotic thoughts and feelings. In contrast when the weight of exile is
heavy and livlihood is difficult to obtain the women are involved in commerce
and there is no novelty for a man to see women. Therefore he becomes habituated
to the sight of a woman and doesn’t become sexual aroused so much when he see one. Therefore
if we see that habituation removes the problem of men having erotic thoughts from
being with women, it should also apply to our case of excessive talking [and
therefore when the norm is that men interact
with women there should be no restriction on conversation.] We can
answer this assertion by noting that it is clear that a man does not in fact
get sexually aroused by excessive chatter because of habituation. Nevertheless despite
the existence of habituation in conversation, it is clear that this leniency for
habituation can not be applied in the case of conversation. That is because excessive
conversation is prohibited even with his wife with whom he is obviously
habituated. That is
because speaking and voice are considered sexual because they are mentioned in
the Shir haShirim (2:14), Your voice is sweet and Shir haShirim (4:3), Your
speech is pleasant (This is astounding! Is the ordinary voice of a women
considered sexually arousing – isn’t it in fact only the singing voice? N.G.).
It is possible that at the time when ordinary conversations with a woman were
presumed to prohibited because of sexual arousal that they made the decree to
prohibit excessive talk even with one’s wife. [to be continued]
Nitei Gavriel Yichud Chapter 50