Wife Should be Subordinate to Husband

 Eiyahu Rabbah (10) They say that there is no proper wife except if she does the will of her husband

Menoras HaMe’or (Marriage Chapter 10 page 34): There was a certain woman who made a wedding for her daughter. When she took her to her chasan’s house she said to her, “My daughter you should stand before your husband and serve him with awe and then he will lower himself with you and will become like your servant and honor you as royalty. However if you insist on dominating him then he in turn will dominate you and will not consider you have any significance and he will act as your master and you will be in his eyes debased like as slave.”

Menoras Hame’or (2:176):  Even though the woman is the mate of the man – she should not view her husband as an equal but rather as her master  as it says in Tehilim (45:12), Because he is your master and you should bow down to him.  And the woman should love her husband and he rules over her as it says (Bereishis 3:16), And your desire shall be to your husband and he shall rule over you. And if you view him as your master he will love you and you will be in his eyes as a sister as we see that Sarah refered to Avraham as master (Bereishis 18:12) and if you minimize talking to what is necessary then you will be even more beloved to your husband. And if you speak before him with grace and humility and if your eyes are attentive to him in the manner that a servant is attentive to her mistress – then you will be greatly valued and honored in his eyes. It relates in a Medrash that a certain Sage told his daughter when she was being taken her husband’s house, “My daughter, stand before him as you would before the king and serve him. And if you should act as a mother to him, he will be to you as a servant and will honor you as a privileged lady. However if you dominate him, he will be forced to act as your master and then you will be degraded in his eyes like a common servant. Embellish and praise him amongst his friends. And if guests come to him, whether relatives or friends – welcome them graciously and offer them generously in order to honor you husband in their eyes. Take good care of his house and all that he has and in this way you will find favor in his eyes and you will be the crown of your husband. Thus it says in Misheli(12:4), A virtuous wife is a crown to her husband. 

Maharal (Bava Metzia 59a): Rav said that a person should always be carefully not to oppress his wife because since she is sensitive and readily cries it is easy to make her feel oppressed. Thus we see that it is only his wife that he needs to be exceedingly careful not to hurt her feelings since she is ruled by him and therefore is much more likely to cry than other people who are not so easily oppressed. In other words because his wife is under his control she is more likely to be hurt by his words and cry when he wrongs her. In contrast a non Jewish slave is by nature not so affected by oppression and even a female Jewish slave does not readily cry because she has accepted the servitude to her master. Furthermore a female slave was not created for the purpose of being under his domain. It is only the wife who was created to be under the rule of her husband and as it says (Bereishis 3:16), And he shall rule over you. Therefore when she is oppressed it has a very strong impact on her. Furthermore in truth a wife does not accept being ruled by her husband because she views herself as his equal. In contrast a slave fully accepts that his master rules over him and therefore is not impacted as much as a wife who views herself as important and therefore is devastated when she is not treated with care.

Netziv (Bereishis 2:24): Therefore a man should leave… and cleave to his wife. From that time on there is no way to get a help mate as intended by creation and according to how a man feels when he doesn't have a help mate - except by leaving his father and his mother and cleaving to his wife. And then they will be one flesh as he loves her since they are now as one being. As is stated in Yevamos (62b). And if he loves his wife as himself…[he will have domestic tranquility]. But even so she is not totally subordinate as the first woman who was considered to be part of Adam and but rather they will be one flesh. Just as he is concerned with his own good and he wants her to totally fulfill what he wants so it is with her that she wants her own good and that he will totally fulfill what she wants. Nevertheless it has already been established with the first woman and it has become part of the female nature that women remain helpers even though it is not like the original circumstances but rather it is like what happened after eating from the Tree of Knowledge as we will explain in Bereishis (3:2) and it is included in the sixth day of Creation. But it is only someone who merits it will get the love of his wife with total subordination as it was with Eve before the Sin. Because of this there were two manners of the cleaving of Adam and Eve in order that there be in future generations two different ways that a woman would be supportive of her husband. Therefore on the sixth day of Creation there were two ways that Eve loved Adam in order that that there should be two ways that a woman loves a man and as we explained that there are two different manners of serving G-d. All of this was done on the first day that they were created as we explained on verse 4. This created the nature of love of a woman and her life with her husband. This is like what Ben Azai said at the end of Kiddushin [(82a)] , "I was created to serve my Master and they were created to serve me." And to the degree that he serves G-d, will his wife serve him. Or alternatively she will serve him according to his mazel - as all events in the life of man happens according to Divine Providence according to his deeds. And this with either a good mazel or bad. Because this is the say G-d established His Kingdom in the world.

Rambam (Hilchos Ishus 15:20): And thus our Sages have commanded that the woman honor her husband to an extreme degree and the fear of him should be on her and she should do all her deeds according to what he says and he should be in her eyes as a ruler or king. She should orient her activities according to that which he desires and stay away from that which he hates. This is the manner of the daughters of Israel and the children of Israel who are holy and pure in their marriages. In this way the community will be pleasant and praiseworthy.

Shulchan Aruch (E.H. 69:7):...Our Sages said that there is no proper woman except the one who does the will of her husband.

Zohar (1:22a): A woman can not doing anything without the consent of her husband.