Igros Moshe (OC IV #118) And as for whether you need to tell the guy that wants to marry you, of course you need to tell him, but you don't need to tell him the first time that you meet when it is not yet known if he wants the match at all and in any case then you must not tell him then. Only after you know that he clearly wants to marry you and has already told you and spoken regarding marriage, you only need to say that it happened, when you didn't have such a serious head to withstand temptation against repeated seduction, and you immediately regretted sinning and were upset that something like this happened until he recognizes from your words that he should not be concerned that it will happen after you are married. Only then should you reveal this information since he wants you because he realizes how wonderful and pious you really are and truly believes that you won’t do it again and that you will be totally devoted to your husband and faithful to him
1) the maiden in Devarim who does not have betulot. If she declares before marriage is she free?
ReplyDelete2) Rambam says a person doesn't sin unless overcome by passion and is not culpable. Fine so are people held to account for acts of passion?
3) gedolah aveira lishmah m"aveira she lo lishmah
Is that a general heter?.or can someone rely on it?
1. Yes, if she tells before chuppah, no dam betulim penalty.
Delete2. Culpable or not, if it affects another person (the husband in this case) he has a right to object or back out of whatever.
2) That's perfectly reasonable - it can be psychologically difficult for a man (specifically one who has adhered to halacha) to accept this - unless they are BTs.
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