Is Your Partner Jealous of Your Child?

psychcentral

When you met your partner and fell in love you probably dreamed and eventually planned out a life together. For many this plan included the possibility of children. Fast-forward to having one or more children and all is perfect, right? Maybe not.

Life has a way of taking you through unexpected twists and turns and rarely, if ever, does it turn out the way you anticipated. What if one of those unexpected twists however, is your partner’s jealousy of your children?

A partner feeling jealous of his or her children is not uncommon. Children create a new dynamic within a relationship and many changes occur. It is nearly impossible to fully prepare yourself for all of them and, no matter how much you try to anticipate your own feelings and responses, you cannot.

Generally speaking, children bring a lot of joy into a relationship. But they also bring a lot of stress. Time that was once shared by the two of you is now shared by the three (or more) of you. For both partners this change can cause feelings of resentment and jealously. Because these are not considered appropriate emotions when it comes to your children, they rarely get discussed.

Jealousy in Men

Men in particular are susceptible to feelings of jealousy, especially during the infant and toddler years. Your man, who may have been the picture of a doting father-to-be, now finds himself an outsider and onlooker to a very unique bond. A bond with which he feels he cannot participate or compete.

Even as the children become more independent, a mother’s reaction to her children and her protective nature may feel exclusionary to her partner. Mother’s often immerse themselves in a child’s world and that can leave very little room for the world that existed before.

A man may feel abandoned and lonely. Where he once was the recipient of his partner’s affection and interaction, she is now completely focused on the care and well-being of this new human being. He may feel pushed aside as though he and the dog are now the only members of their own, lonely hearts club.

This can lead to jealousy of the time and affection the child is receiving. Jealousy can be a very damaging emotion. In some cases a man might become resentful disdainful of his partner and treat her poorly, in other cases a man might lose interest in his household and family and seek the companionship of others. Other men may just become withdrawn and emotionally aloof.