Monday, August 22, 2011

A true story of how gedolim dealt improperly with a pedophile

I recently met with some rabbis who have had extensive experience dealing with abuse issues in the frum community. The following is one of the stories that they told me regarding rabbinic incompetence dealing with abuse. The incompetent rabbis that were described are not community or shul rabbis but are genuine gedolim They had sufficient funds and access to experts who would have informed them that they should have called the police. However they relied on their own judgment and a disaster resulted. This is the story - with identifying details removed.

 There was a promising bochur. He was intelligent and diligent in his studies and handsome. He also had good midos and came from a distinguished family. He had only one problem - he was a pedophile. He had abused over a hundred children by the time he was 24 years old. When this was brought to the attention of seniors rabbis at the major yeshiva where he studied, they came up with what they thought was a brilliant solution to his problem. They arranged and encouraged a match with an orphan girl. It was the perfect match they thought. She got a real catch and he would now be able to manage his sexual appetite with his wife - rather than with little children. They picked an orphan because she would not be able to do serious back ground checking and would have to rely on the advice of these gedolim.  Of course she wasn't told about his problem - after all that would be lashon harah. Since they "knew" that the problem would be solved by marriage there obviously wasn't any reason to mention to her that this young man had destroyed the life of 100 children. They also didn't bother checking with a psychologist with expertise with pedophiles - after all what does a psychologist know?

Of course the young lady was ecstatic that gedolim had taken such a personal interest in her and she was overwhelmed with gratitude that the great men had devoted time and energy for her - a nobody but with a lot of emunas chachomim. It was just like the Artscroll stories that she read every Shabbos about great tzadikim. The marriage seemed to be in fact the solution to the problem. The young couple was very happy They eventually had several children. Unfortunately  however the young man still had his perverted lusts which did not go away with marriage. This was something that anybody with even a minimum knowledge of pedophiles would have predicted.

Periodically there were rumors of his activity but his wife didn't understand why she was treated coldly by the neighbors. The senior rabbis suggested that they move to Brooklyn where they would be able to start life fresh. The wife still didn't know her husband's problem - but the new neighbors did not know either because the rabbis knew that if they informed anybody the young couple would not get a chance for a new life.  Unfortunately, the change of neighborhood did not help his condition.  This time however she found out the hard way - by a visit from the police who were investigating charges against him for abusing children. As you may imagine she was traumatized. Not only was her husband a destroyer of children, but she had been betrayed by gedolim. In addition she feared for the safety of her own children. But what could she do - she had no family or friends and she had no money to pay for advice or a divorce.

Fortunately the rabbi who told me about this tragedy found out about this horror story and successfully raised money for the divorce. He even got one of the gedolim to write a letter to aid in fund raising because that gadol humbly acknowledged that he had made a serious mistake!



28 comments:

  1. I think artscroll should publish this story, along with the other stories about gedolim...

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  2. question:

    is anyone other than the perpetrators liable for these acts?

    Is the Yeshiva/ rabbinical world complicit in these abominations, because they claim that studying Talmud in and of itself will give people good middos, hence they can conquer their "yetzer hara"?

    Again, perhaps some people will claim I "hate " Judaism. No, I value every mitzvah in the Torah - and since we do not have the Torah's capital punishment system, there is no fear of sin, and many see schools as hunting grounds for their evil desires.

    It is a mitzvah to do biur - to clear evil from Israel. By burying and denying that it exists,is a dangerous step in denying Torah.

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  3. This story is useless without names.

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  4. S. your post is useless without a name.

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  5. " S. said...
    This story is useless without names.

    August 22, 2011 12:38 PM"


    Indeed. It isn't even genuine.

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  6. Shocking.

    The fatal and common error in the rabbis' reasoning is the belief that in some fashion, pedophiles can be cured. They're wrong. Dating back to the 1950s, that is the error the Catholic Church made in trying to manage their pedophiles, with such disastrous results. The psychology profession, or at least some of their "experts", actually taught that pedophiles can be cured. No more. There is no cure. At best, pedophiles can be managed, with lifetime therapy, but the deviant desire is always there. Some succumb to it, others don't. Clearly, the risk is too great for a religious community to unleash a known pedophile, not receiving therapy, on an unsuspecting community. Sadly, also, the Brooklyn victims will probably not know who was really at fault for the crimes committed upon them.

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  7. I have a qn for R Eidensohn:

    Having read the Intro to the book "Daas Torah", I noticed the advice given by Rav Eliyashiv, ie that the views quoted must be of mainstream, major authorities.

    How does one "objectively" determine what these are?

    In a yeshiva I used to learn in, I was told that Rambam's "Sefer Mada" and "Moreh Nevuchim" were suspect books!

    Some in that yeshiva held the Tanya to be a major work, and yet scoffed at Ramchal! The same unqualified "Rabbi" was then dismissed by the Litvisher Rosh Yeshiva!

    Without getting into various modern debates, some sources you reference, eg Rambam's Letter on Astrology, contain statements that if made today , even as a quotation, could possibly get your book banned!

    For a non Haredi, or a scientific thinker, the world view is very different from the Mea Shearim world.

    And this daily exposure of "mainstream" yeshiva welt molestors hardly gives credence to the Haredi ideology (yes, and Dati Leumi and Modern O have their list of criminals too).

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  8. Eddie said...

    I have a qn for R Eidensohn:

    Having read the Intro to the book "Daas Torah", I noticed the advice given by Rav Eliyashiv, ie that the views quoted must be of mainstream, major authorities.

    How does one "objectively" determine what these are?

    --------------------
    Rav Eliashiv said main stream as opposed to new material such as was discovered in the Cairo geniza. So none of the issues you mentioned would be of concern.

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  9. S. is right...It's important to know who this was in order to not accept what he says in other matters - halacha, hashkafa, etc..

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  10. S. is right. We can't accept the veracity of this tall tale without corroborating names.

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  11. After thinking about it...The title for this post is all wrong! These people can't be called "Gedolim" if they did something so stupid like that. It should be ossur for such people to pasken shailos even for themselves..

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  12. I second S. This post is devoid of purpose without actual names.

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  13. I third S. and the others. This post is devoid of candidness without actual verifiable names.

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  14. To those who claim that this story is worthless without names - the claim is ridiculous. All papers - including frum ones - publish stories from anonymous stories. On the other hand the Satmer Rebbe and others are opposed to the widespread practice of making up stories and use names about real people - to inspire - even though the stories never happened.

    The validity of the story is dependent on how you view my credibility. There are comments from some readers - which I deleted - which said I was a liar because the story could not have happened. After all gedolim can't be so naive. But sometimes they are - and it is important for mature adults to be aware that great leaders are not infallible. This point is made by the Chazon Ish which I have posted on this blog.

    The source for the story is someone I have known for a while. He is a respected rabbi and community activist who does not make up stories. He was not just a reporter but a major participant in the events.

    It illustrates that until recently rabbis were not aware of the nature and seriousness of abuse - as many will readily admit (See for example the Baltimore Declaration of 2007 which I published in volume I of Child and Domestic Abuse).

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  15. " All papers - including frum ones - publish stories from anonymous stories."

    Uh, and what makes you think they are necessarily any more believable? They aren't. Most people take into account if a story is anonymous, and recognize it for that, and the real possibility it may be at best a misinterpretation or at worst a fabrication.

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  16. "He is a respected rabbi and community activist who does not make up stories. He was not just a reporter but a major participant in the events."

    If he is a "community activist" he obviously has his own biases and agenda. That too must be taken into account when considering the veracity of this story.

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  17. Will said...


    If he is a "community activist" he obviously has his own biases and agenda. That too must be taken into account when considering the veracity of this story.
    ===========

    they were

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  18. Will said...

    " All papers - including frum ones - publish stories from anonymous stories."

    Uh, and what makes you think they are necessarily any more believable? They aren't. Most people take into account if a story is anonymous, and recognize it for that, and the real possibility it may be at best a misinterpretation or at worst a fabrication.
    =================

    I still meet people who claim that abuse doesn't happen in the frum community and the vast majority of stories are fabrications made up by troublemakers with severe psychological problems. That claims that people like Mondrowitz molest hundreds of kids a piece are the result of false memories implanted by psychologists. That incest by brothers and sisters simply doesn't happen and that there are no cases of rabbis raping their daughters or teachers raping their students.

    what exactly do you find difficult to believe? That rabbis would think that pedophilia could be cured by marriage? That they would try helping a child molester who they thought could be cured? That they would not reveal to his wife that he had a history of molesting kids? That they thought that these issues could be handled without calling the police? That they would tell a child molester to move to a new neighborhood and not inform the new neighborhood or school that he is a molester?

    The above happenings are not rare. But if you want to deny that these things happen - I have a bridge you might want to buy.

    There is definitely a need to approach these issues carefully to avoid false claims - but the the Chofetz Chaim also said there is no religious requirement to be stupid.

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  19. Sure they happen. But they are exceedingly rare.

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  20. Fenster said...

    Sure they happen. But they are exceedingly rare.
    =============
    thanks for supporting my assertion that there are still people who simply don't understand the severity of the problem. Unfortunately you are wrong and I haven't met anyone who works in the field who accepts your view.


    Today was the first day of a four day conference on child abuse in Jerusalem. Dr. Bunzel a prominent psychiatrist from Bnei Brak who has a close working relationship with Rav Silman stated that child abuse is more prevalent in the frum community than other communities.

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  21. Sure those in the field think it is more prevalent than it actually is. That is because that is what they see all the time. Seeing it all day (because that is their job) doesn't make it prevalent, despite their perception. The frum community has the lowest rate of child abuse comparable to any secular group.

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  22. Fenster said...

    Sure those in the field think it is more prevalent than it actually is. That is because that is what they see all the time. Seeing it all day (because that is their job) doesn't make it prevalent, despite their perception. The frum community has the lowest rate of child abuse comparable to any secular group.
    ===========
    aside from your ruach hakodesh- what is the basis of your rejection? Your sevara doesn't hold. The fact that you don't see abuse [which our community works hard to keep quiet] doesn't give you greater knowledge of reality than those who deal with the matter.

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  23. R Eidensohn

    Can you share with us the insights learnt from this convention in Jerusalem, wants it finishes?

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  24. Daas Torah said...

    Today was the first day of a four day conference on child abuse in Jerusalem. Dr. Bunzel a prominent psychiatrist from Bnei Brak who has a close working relationship with Rav Silman stated that child abuse is more prevalent in the frum community than other communities.

    ___________________

    Experienced psychologists in America have told me the same.

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  25. Avi said...

    I'm certainly willing to accept this story on face value. Kol Hakavod to you Rabbi Eidensohn for being mekayem the mitzvah of "Lo Sa'amod al Dam Re'echa". Halevai that the "Gedolim" would have the courage to scream about this issue from their Yeshivos.

    Unfortunately, to those doubters on this blog, please understand that when someone's life experience is limited to the dalet amos of a beis midrash, then horrific, albeit well intended, mistakes in judgement can easily be made.

    Uneducated and therefore grossly incompetent conduct is rife in the Charedi world

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  26. As I read through the comments on this blog, I thought of the ridiculousness of some of them and wanted to reply, but kept reading first to see what was said and what was replied. Daas Torah, you certainly handled the issues well, and responded in the same way I would have.
    These issues are unfortunate, they are there more than we believe them to believe, and even Gedolim can make mistakes. But that doesn't mean they aren't Gedolim. Even Moshe Rabbeinu hit a rock when he should have spoken to it, which seems to us as something so simple, how could you mess up on that. The important thing is to learn from the mistakes (both them, those who made them, and us, those who are reading this). Hopefully they have, and hopefully we are.

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