Rabbi Grylak's problematic editorial "The Wise will keep silent"

 Update 10/29/13 Mishpacha "How Was That Red Line Crossed?"

Unfortunately Rabbi Grylak has failed miserably to follow his own advice in the editorial that I criticized below.   In his latest editorial at the above link he accuses Nati Grossman of incitement against Rav Steinman with the result he was physically attacked. This outrageous slander is a clear example of someone throwing gasoline on a fire - while proclaiming he is only trying to reduce the fighting. I was told that there will be a lawsuit against Rabbi Grylak as a result of his accusations.

 He writes in the above editorial

Of course, that the deranged individual who burst into Rav Aharon Leib Steiman’s home and attacked him will be presented by the enemies of Rav Steinman (yes, the 100-year-old sage has enemies that go beyond the far-reaching dispute over the leadership of the chareidi community) as a bizarre, mentally unstable individual who acted independently. They will certainly argue, in their own defense, that an entire community cannot be indicted for the actions of a single individual. They will certainly claim that this man does not represent the community of voters who threw their support behind the alternative “Eitz” chareidi party. And I agree with them. Heaven forbid that real bnei Torah could think of committing such a dreadful act. But at the same time, he is not a person suffering from a psychological illness. Rather, he is a person who has been incited to violence. [...]

 My friends, despite the litany of accusations and curses that have been hurled against Rav Steinman, we cannot blame the Eitz voters for this travesty. But there is one person who cannot escape responsibility, one man who has made it his mission in life to besmirch Rav Aharon Leib Steinman’s name. Over the years, he has led a campaign against the gadol hador in various ways and with an assortment of strategies. This past year, he crossed all red lines with a series of slanderous pashkevilim and pamphlets, reaching a nadir that has never been seen in the history of disputes between the gedolei hador. He was totally focused on his goal of defaming this person, this man whose word is heeded by the majority of the Torah world, this man who is a bulwark of support for so many of us, the gadol whose exclusive counsel was sought by Rav Elyashiv ztz”l. [...]

 Yet my successor at Yated, Nati Grossman, made sure to constantly attack anyone who didn’t march to his beat. That is part of his nature. But in his most recent battle, he has sunk to unprecedented depths, to the point that a single avreich, who was affected by his incitement and taken in by his slander and lies, simply got up and committed the unthinkable. May Hashem have mercy on us, on all of us, on the entire Jewish people.

update Kikar Shabbat

התגובה של נתי גרוסמן

פנינו לנתי גרוסמן כדי לקבל את תגובתו לדברים שפורסמו ב'משפחה', אך הוא בחר לחזור אלינו באמצעות פרקליטו, עו"ד אורי הברמן, שמאיים בהגשת תביעת דיבה תוך שהוא מציין במכתבו כי האשמות נגד גרוסמן נועדו להשפילו בעיני הבריות, לעשותו מטרה לשנאה, לבוז וללעג בקרב הציבור החרדי.

עו"ד הברמן מוסיף וקובע במכתבו כי "מעשיו של התוקף נעשו על רקע חוליו הנפשי ועל רקע זה בלבד", ומציין כי "התוקף מוכר כאחד ממעריציו של רה"י הגראי"ל שטיינמן ונמנה בין תומכי יהדות התורה, כך שאין המדובר בתוצר של הסתה".

"אין זה ראוי", מוסיף עו"ד הברמן, "לנסות ולקשור בין מעשה תקיפה על רקע נפשי ובין מרשנו ואין זה ראוי להמשיך לדוש ולהרבות את צערם של בני הציבור ובני משפחתו של התוקף כשזהו הרקע האמיתי של מעשיו". כראיה לטענתו, שטרם הובררה אף בבית המשפט, מצרף עו"ד הברמן מכתב שלטענתו נכתב על-ידי משפחתו של התוקף שמבהירים כי מדובר ב"חולשה נפשית".

עו"ד הברמן מוסיף וכותב כי ייחוס הדברים לגרוסמן, "מעיד, אם נתבטא בלשון מנומסת, על חוסר העמקה וחוסר היכרות עם דעותיו ופועלו. הרב גרוסמן, מעולם לא נקט בפגיעה כלשהיא, בכתיבתו, בפועלו ובכל דרך אחרת, בגדולי התורה ובזקני הדור בכלל ובכלל זה ברה"י הגראי"ל שטיינמן".

 ============================
 Update see Chareidi World continues to self-destruct    The following is from an editorial that Rabbi Grylak wrote for the Oct 23, 2013 Mishapacha - "The Wise Will Keep Silent". It is in regards to the harsh words that major rabbis said about each other in the recent elections in Israel. Click here for the full text

I found it troubling because he is saying don't act based on what the gedolim are saying. If one major rabbi calls another one a heretic or Amalek  - are the followers of the one critized supposed to remain silent?!  If the gadol you follow makes these criticisms - doesn't this mean that you are to view the person he criticizes differently and act differently towards him?  If Rabbi Grylak is acknowledging the validity of what the gedolim are saying - then how can he tell people not to act on what the gedolim say? Clearly the gedolim said it because that is what they think and they want their followers to take the same view. As far as I know no significant rabbinic leader has said to ignore what gedolim say - so on what authority is Rabbi Grylak saying this? On the other hand if Rabbi Grylak  feels the gedolim are wrong to speak this way - then why doesn't he say that so? In short I find his editorial position unacceptable.
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Those in the Torah camp who think they have to take sides in the most recent machlokes - thereby disparaging talmidei chachamim - would do well to remember the fate of those who fanned the flames of the most famous dispute that threatened to tear apart the Torah world two and a half centuries ago. 

Those aware of the raging machlokes over the leadership of the Torah community in Eretz Yisrael might be realizing the irreparable spiritual damage being inflicted on our society in its wake. There is no need to rehash the details of a conflagration that has pitted bochur against bochur, but suffice to say that machlokes is not an exclusively Israeli phenomenon, and even an insular split all too easily spreads across continents. So permit me to share with my overseas readers a story that vividly illustrates the tragic and devastating consequences of machlokes - a story I heard in my own youth and makes me shiver to this day. [...]

It is well-known that in the 18th century there was a deep rift between two Torah giants, Rav Yaakov Emden, also known as the Yaavetz, and Rav Yehonasan Eibeschitz. Rav Yehudah Leib Maiman, author of Sarei Hamei'ah, described the bitter, poisonous fruits of that machlokes. He writes that he was once honored with a visit by Rav Avraham Yitzchak Kook, who wished to avail himself of Rav Maiman's extensive library. As he passed over the shelves of sifrei halachah, he saw that two volumes, Kereti Upeleti by Rav Yehonasan and Mor U'Ketziah by the Yaavetz, stood side by side. His face lit up, and turning to Rav Maiman, he exclaimed, "If this machlokes had been confined only to the inner circle of followers of these two giants of our nation, who were crowned with the glory of the holy and pure, then surely these two geonim would have made peace in their lifetime. But unfortunately, the Satan succeeded in getting the rank and file involved, people of lesser caliber, whose only intention was to provoke a fight, and these people injected poison into the disagreement and expanded the rift." 

Then Rav Kook, with an air of heartbreak, told Rav Maimon the following: "I heard this story from my father-in-law, the tzaddik Rav Eliyahu Dovid Rabinowitz-Teumim, the rav of Yerushalayim, about the sad end of one of those who dishonored Rav Yehonasan:" Rav Kook told his host. "It is a chilling story that underscores the warning of our Sages: Be careful of their glowing coals, lest you be burned, for their bite is the bite of a fox, their sting is the sting of a scorpion, and their hiss is the hiss of a venomous snake ... 

"[... A woman related that she was the daughter of the] apostate who authored a book called Nesivos Olam [not to be confused with the holy book by the Maharal of the same name], a libelous attack on Torah Judaism and its alleged hatred of Christianity [...]"[Eventually]This man did indeed return to his people  [...the following is what he told his daughter]

[...]My father was among those who stood at the side of Rav Yaakov Emden and instigated the war against Rav Yehonasan Eibeschitz, the rav of Altona. Many of the venomous attacks against Rav Yehonasan were written by my father, who was very gifted with words. In fact the book Akitzas Akrav (Altona 5513), which is full of scathing words and mockery against Rav Yehonasan and which is attributed to the Yaavetz himself, was actually written by my father. He finished writing it on the day of my bris, and the joy in our home was redoubled. All the guests saw it as a good omen and predicted a shining future for me. And my father told me that the Yaavetz gave both him and me this brachah: "May your newborn son merit to be raised in the spirit of the sefer you've just completed, and like you, may he too oppose the views and teachings of that man (i.e., Rav Yehonasan) -who calls himself the av beis din of Altona

"'And now you see [...]that the brachah of the Yaavetz, along with the hope and belief of Rav Yehonasan was  fulfilled in me [....] I have sinned and done damage beyond repair, and where am I now going?'[...] 

Yes, a frightening tale. Is there anything to add? 

Only this: Hamaskil ba'eis hahi yidom. One who is wise will be silent at such a time. Very silent.

Chareidi world continues to self-destruct

Behadrey Haredim (Hebrew)    See Rabbi Grylak's problematic editorial  Behadrey Haredim (English)

Avrechim must sign: pledge to abide by Gedolei Yisroel    

The Litvishe sector split saga continues, as after yeshiva students who voted 'Etz' were thrown out of kollelim, as well as the order of Hagaon R' Chaim Kanievsky to fire melamdim who voted 'Etz', comes the next step, designed to completely differentiate the voters of Etz and subscribers of Hapeles from the Litvishe community.

After a series of consultations, the heads of the large kollelim initiated a version which every avreich will be asked to sign, in which he undertakes not to dispute with Gedolei Yisroel, not to support the controversy, not to bring home the newspaper 'Hapeles' and other writings of mockery of Gedolei Yisroel and to increase respect of Torah.[...]

Pediatricians: No More than 2 Hours Screen-Time Daily for Kids

Scientific American    Children should be limited to less than two hours of entertainment-based screen time per day, and shouldn't have TVs or Internet access in their bedrooms, according to new guidelines from pediatricians.

The new policy statement was released by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) today (Oct. 28) in the journal Pediatrics.

The average 8-year-old spends eight hours a day using various forms of media, and teenagers often surpass 11 hours of media consumption daily, according to the authors of the AAP statement. More than three quarters of teenagers have cell phones, and teens ages 13 to 17 send an average of 3,364 texts per month. 

Several studies have linked high media consumption with poor health outcomes. For example, children with TVs in their bedrooms are more likely to be obese. [...]

In addition to limiting all entertainment screen time — including TV, the Internet and various smart devices — to less than two hours daily, the guidelines recommend children under age 2 get no screen time. [...]

Children shouldn't have Internet access or televisions in their rooms, because that makes it too hard for parents to monitor kids' media use, Strasburger said.

"If you have a 14-year-old son and he has an Internet connection in his bedroom, I guarantee you, he's looking at pornography," Strasburger told LiveScience.[...]

The Talmud: Why has a Jewish law book become so popular?

BBC   When someone asked Einstein, shortly before his death, what he would do differently if he could live his life again, he replied without hesitation: "I would study the Talmud."

It contains the foundations of Halakha - the religious laws that dictate all aspects of life for observant Jews from when they wake in the morning to when they go to sleep at night. Every imaginable topic is covered, from architecture to trapping mice. To a greater extent than the other main Jewish holy book, the Torah, the Talmud is a practical book about how to live. [...]

When the commuters of Long Island struggle over a difficult passage of Talmud, they know that tens of thousands of Jews all over the world are on the same page. And when he travels abroad, Eliezer Cohen can usually find a local group to continue his studies. On one trip to Jerusalem, he even encountered a man who, like him, taught the daily reading on his way to work (although on a bus, rather than a train). [...]

Sandusky abuse settlement costs Penn State over $100 million

Fox News      Penn State has announced that it is paying $59.7 million to 26 young men to settle claims of child sexual abuse at the hands of former assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky.

The university said it had concluded negotiations that have lasted about a year. [...]

Penn State has spent more than $50 million on other costs related to the Sandusky scandal, including lawyers' fees, public relations expenses, and adoption of new policies and procedures related to children and sexual abuse complaints. [...]

Tractate Shkalim and the Chassidic/Misnagdim Divide

Five Towns Jewish Times By Rabbi Yair Hoffman

As students of Jewish history know, Jews have lived under three very different groups of Christians.  When the Roman Empire fell in 476 CE, Christianity was soon to split in half.  The Byzantine Empire which lasted another thousand years after the fall of Rome developed into the Eastern Orthodox church. The Roman Catholic Church also developed independently and soon began to wield significant temporal power as well.   Only in the latter sixteenth century did a non-Catholic third type of Christianity emerge from the western change, inspired by Martin Luther.  Jews, for centuries a weak minority in the exile, have had to navigate their way between these three different types of Christianity.

THE PRINTINGS OF SHAS

In the mid-sixteenth century, the Roman Catholic Church set its eyes upon blocking the Talmud and began its program of systematically burning copies of it.  Notwithstanding the technological advances brought about by Guttenberg and his press, the printing of Shas was limited and curtailed.

But the Torah Jew would not give up.

Jews were aware that in the Byzantine Empire, the Talmud could still be printed and they utilized the Shas that their Byzantine brethren were printing in the presses of Salonika and Constantinople.  Soon though, opportunity opened when Polish kings defied the hand of the Polish Church, and the Shas was allowed to be published in the city of Cracow.  It was published twice, and unedited by the Catholic Church’s censors – in 1602-1605 and 1616-1620.  The Chmielnicki massacres soon took place, but within the next century a further edition of the Talmud was published in Amsterdam. Two more editions were printed in Germany, now that the Germanic lands were no longer under the control of the Catholic Church.

THE SLAVUTA SHAS
Jewish history and Jewish Talmudic study continued to flow.  The Chassidic movement was born, and soon the Pale of Settlement developed.  A new edition of Shas was to emerge. The Slavuta press founded by a son of Rav Pinchas of Koretz, a prominent Talmid of the Baal Shem Tov, at the turn of the century in the Ukraine, arose.  His name was Rabbi Moshe Shapira and three editions of the Talmud ensued. Rav Pinchas Koretz was a descendant of the Megaleh Amukos, and his son too was steeped in in-depth study of the Talmud.  Slavuta was in the Ukraine between the Chasidic capitals of Lvov and Kiev.  Rabbi Shapira’s printing of the Talmud Bavli in Slavuta also included the Yerushalmi’s tractate Shkalim in 14 pages.  Shkalim is the only tractate missing in the Bavli.  The Slavuta edition was wildly popular, among a large population of fervently observant Russian Jews. A Litvish press, however, emerged in Lita.  The Romm Press soon published the Vilna Shas, and a fierce competition developed.  The Shapira’s claimed that the Romm printing house was in violation of Hasagas G’vul.  They had received a Rabbinically approved special license to be the sole publishers of the Talmud for 25 years.  Rabbonim on both sides issued rulings and letters.  The competition was to last for well over a century, even past the life span of the original Slavuta printing house.  Oh, and by the way, the Romm edition had 21 Blatt for tractate Shkalim. How did the Slavuta Press close?  A worker in the printing house, a bookbinder was found dead by the Russian authorities. It is said that this bookbinder had reported to the Russian authorities that the printing house had printed material that the government had not sanctioned. There are two versions – one has it that he was found hanging in the Shul in Slavuta, by apparent suicide.  Another version has it that he had fallen in the Slavuta Press and hit his head and died. Regardless, the Shapira’s were taken into custody and tortured severely by the Russians. 

[As a parenthetic note, the Steipler Gaon once related to a friend of this author that the bookbinder who had hung himself was the son of a once childless couple who had received a bracha from a certain Tzaddik to have children.  Ironically, the Steipler pointed out, the person who was informed upon by the bookbinder was the grandson of that Tzaddik!]

In 1836, the Czarist government closed all Jewish printing houses in Russia save two:  One in Vilna and one in Zhitomir.  The Shapira children and nephews rented the printing house in Zhitomir and were back in business by 1847 completing the printing of Shas in 1864. Romm completed another edition two years later, in 1866. The competition was in high gear.

THE BIRTH OF AGUDAH

In the early 20^th century, after Germany had conquered sections of Poland from Russia, the German government asked some of its German Jewish citizens for advice and assistance in now to administer such sections as Warsaw, now under German control.  One such expert was Ludwig Haas, a Reform Jew and member of the German Reichstag who had succeeded in doing away with traditional Jewish education and implementing far-reaching reforms in education in his hometown of Baden Germany.  

The Polish Rabbis were very concerned and reached out to the Orthodox Jews of Germany for advice and help.  Somehow, the German government appointed to Orthodox Jewish experts two assist them, Rabbi Dr. Pinchas Cohn and Rabbi Emanuel Carlebach.  These two individuals, litvaks, reached out to Polish Jewry and helped them organize.  

Thus, Agudath Israel in Poland, started by two litvisha Jews in Germany and backed by the Gerrer Rebbe and others, was born.  Agudath Israel of Poland was a remarkable experiment.  It combined the organizational and logistical talent of German Jewry – decidedly Litvish with the masses of voters that Chassidish Jewry would bring to the table.  

Soon Agudath Israel of Poland morphed into a political party in the newly formed Second Republic of Poland.  It began to take an active role in ensuring that the secularization processes that existed in Russia and in Germany did not develop in Poland too.  The Knessiah  Gedolah held in Vienna, Austria, featured an idea by a cousin of the Shapiras, an idea embraced by none other than the Chofetz Chaim himself.

Rav Meir Shapiro introduced the idea of Daf Yomi.  And in its initial form, it too included tractate Shkalim.  But which version?  Would the Agudah sponsored program adopt the litvisha Romm version of 21 blatt, or the Chassidish version of 14 blatt?

At first the answer would seem to be obvious.  Poland was teeming with burgeoning numbers of Chassidic Jews.  The founder of the Daf Yomi, Rosh yeshiva of Yeshiva Chochmei Lublin, was a cousin of the Slavuta/Zhitomir owners.  So, yes, the Daf Yomi had 14 blatt allotted for Shkalim. Of that, there was no question.

But soon, the Nazis y”sh devastated Poland, wiping out more than 90 percent of Polish Jewry - more so than in any other country.  

A half century after the very first Knessiah Gedolah had passed.  Polish Jewry was no more.  The once mighty Yeshiva of Chachmei Lubin was now gone, and its building was used by the medical school in Lublin, Poland.  

And tractate Shkalim?  

In an era before the Artscroll Schottenstein and the Mesivta Gemorah, 14 blatt was just too much.  In 1975, after seven cycles, the Daf Yomi commission of Agudah, I am told with the approval of the Chassidish Gedolim, changed Shkalim to 21 blatt. 

Slavuta had lost its final battle.

The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@gmail.com

Rashi claims that gossiper was given a meal if he was believed?!

Rashi asserts that a gossiper was given a meal as acknowledgement that what he said was believed. He bases this on Targum. However Ramban and Maharal reject this assertion and claim that Rashi is based on a mistaken reading of Targum.

Rashi(Vayikra 19:16): Do not spread gossip – ...The Targum says our verse should be understood in Aramaic as "you shall not eat the food of winking" (lo saychul kurtzin). We find this understanding in Daniel (3:8), "And they ate their food of winking concerning the Jews [i.e., they informed against the Jews]. And in Berachos (58a), "He ate the food of winking concerning him to the king's palace" [i.e., he informed against him to the king]. The reason that "eating the food of winking" is understood as lashon harah apparently is because it was the practice in those days for the gossip or slanderer to eat something in the house of the one who listened to him as a sign that his words had been accepted as true. This symbolic meal was called "achilas kurtzin" where "kurtzin" is referring to an unfaithful man who winks with his eyes (Mishlei 6:13). That is because it is typical of gossipers to wink with their eyes to the listener and thereby indicating that he is speaking in a negative manner about someone so that others who might overhear the conversation will not realize what he is saying.

רמב"ן (יט:טז) לא תלך רכיל בעמך -ואין במה שפירש בתרגום הזה טעם או ריח, כי השומע מן הרכיל לא ישבע לו שיאמין דבריו ולא יתן לו אות ומופת, גם המלשין עבד אל אדוניו לא יבטיחנו האדון שישמע אליו, ומה טעם לאכילה הזאת. ונבוכדנאצר בהודאת [בהוראת] הצדיקים עשה מה שעשה, לא האכילם למלשינים ולא נשבע להם, וגם לא האמין להם אבל שאל הצדא שדרך מישך וגו' (דניאל ג יד), וצוה שישתחוו מכאן ואילך והיה מעביר על מה שעברו. ודריוש לא היה מאכיל לו למלשיני דניאל רק לענה וראש, וכתוב בהן די אכלו קרצוהי די דניאל. ואפילו אם אמת הדבר שיעשה כן בזמנים ההם, אחר שהכתוב אמר "לא תלך רכיל בעמך" למה יזכיר אונקלוס מנהג השטות ההוא ואין לאזהרה ענין בו:

אבל עיקר לשון הארמית בכאן איננו אלא לשון השמעת קול, והוא מורגל בדברי חכמים (ב"ב ה א), ועיזא לאו אכלויי מכלו ליה ולאו גברא בעי לאכלויי, ותרגום יונתן קרא בגרון (ישעיה נח א), אכלי, ושרק לו מקצה הארץ (שם ה כו), ויכלי ליה, וינהום עליו כנהמת ים (שם שם ל), ויכלי עליהון, וכן במקומות רבים. והנה הוא לשון כל משמיע קול שיודיע חפצו בלא חתוך מלות, ולכן יאמר כן בצועק לעזים הנכנסות בשדה ויתרגם כן השורק והנוהם והצועק. ודרך הרכילים לבא ברבים או לפני המושל וינהמו בגרונם ויקרצו בעיניהם לרמוז כי שמעו דברים עד שיפצרו בהם ויגידו אותן, על כן נקראים אוכלי קורצין, נוהמים ברמזים:

ואונקלוס תרגם רכילות ענינו, וכן שמו בלשון הארמית, ולא חשש לפרש לשון הכתוב וכן דרכו תמיד, כי להבין הענין הוא מתכוין. אבל בלשון הקודש היו קורין אותם "הולכי רכיל", מן אבקת רוכל (שה"ש ג ו), רכלתך (יחזקאל כו יב), כי הרוכל הולך כל היום קונה מכאן ומכאן והולך ומוכר במקומות אחרים בכאן ובכאן, כמו שמזכירין חכמים (מעשרות פ"ב מ"ג) רוכלין המחזירין בעיירות. וזה טעם "בעמך", כי הוא הולך ברבים. ולהבדיל בין שניהם, היה שם זה "רוכל" פועל, ושם זה "רכיל" שם תואר בעצמו כמו סריס נזיר, ירמוז השם כי בנפשו הוא ועליו תשוב:

                                        
[מהר"ל (גור אריה ויקרא יט:טז) :לג] לאכול בבית המקבל הלעטה וכו'. דברים אלו, שאין בהם טעם, כבר השיג הרמב"ן עליו. ולפי דעתי, מה שתרגם אונקלוס 'לא תוכל קורצין', רוצה לומר שלא ימדוד לחבירו פורעניות, כי 'תוכל' הוא לשון מדידה בלשון תרגום, כמו שכתב הרמב"ן ז"ל בפרשת תרומה אצל "קשותיו ומנקיותיו" (שמות כה, כט) , והוא נמצא לרוב, 'לכי תיכול עליה כורא דמלחא' (שבת ריש ד.) . ו'קורצין' מלשון כריתה, כי בעלי רכיל המגידים לרעיהם רע על אחר, הרי הם ממלאים ומשלימים המדה עד שיביאו לו פורעניות, כי דרך בני אדם להיות מצוי ריב ביניהם, והרכיל הוא שמודד המדה עד שהיא מליאה, ואז הריב בא על ידיו, כן נראה לי:

Yair Lapid: Talk about anti-Semitism in Hungarian parliament

Self Esteem or Self Compassion

Guest post from Allan Katz   Self Esteem or Self Compassion 

It is generally accepted that a negative self esteem and self concept gets in the way of a person dealing with setbacks and failure, but the research shows that also high self esteem does not buy very much and can be very problematic. Despite the  Self Esteem research    the belief in ' self esteem ' is so engrained. Teachers and parents are told to praise and compliment kids and help their   ' self –esteem ' by reflecting on all their positive attributes. So why is ' self esteem ' problematic and what can be done instead to foster success?

The problem with fostering self esteem with praise is not because kids are over –praised or don't deserve praise – it is praise itself. Praise is a way of getting kids to experience success as a reward and esteeming of the self. Instead kids should experience success and failure as information they need to make changes or   become even   more successful. The problem with self esteem is the focus on the 'self'.

The SDT  Self Determination theory talks about 2 types of self esteem. Contingent self esteem is experienced by people who are preoccupied with questions of worth and self esteem and are strongly motivated by the desire to appear worthy to self and others. Their worth is seen as dependent on ' achievement ' and appearing in certain ways. Whether such individuals come away with positive or negative conclusions, the very fact that one's self esteem is in question, suggests a psychological vulnerability. Non- contingent self esteem characterizes people for whom self-esteem is not a concern or issue. Success and failure is experienced as information and does not implicate self –worth, even when they lead to a reevaluation of their actions and efforts. These people experience themselves on a fundamental level as worthy of esteem and love.

The psychologist Eric Fromm talks about 2 types of people -   the ' To have '  people whose self worth and esteem depends on their 'having' .It leads to people being overly attached to possessions, achievements , and relationships. ' To be '  people focus on how they experience the world rather than on having.

'To have'  people view the 'self' as an 'object' which needs to be appraised , judged and evaluated, and the more positive , the better. In contrast SDT and religion see the Self as a process where a person makes meaning of experiences and integrates and assimilates them into his personality.

The research shared by Kelly Mcgonigal describes what helps people to deal with setbacks and change and what gets in the way.The first experiment she shares deals with people who are dieting and are invited to participate in an experiment testing the effects of food on mood. Each person chooses their favorite donut, eats the whole donut and is given a big glass of water which leaves them with a full and uncomfortable feeling. This triggered feeling of guilt amongst the dieters. The question was would the feelings of guilt help dieters resist subsequent temptations?   In order to test this, the dieters were given a ' taste experiment '  - to choose their favorite candy and eat as much as they needed to in order to evaluate the taste of the candy. One of the test groups was exposed to the following message. In a very by the way fashion , they were given a 3 point message -  they were made aware of their guilt feelings of previously indulging in the donuts , they were told that it is human to error , it does not say  that there is something wrong with you , everybody indulgences here and there and thirdly – so don't be hard on yourself. The group that was exposed to the   message calling for self-compassion ate 40% of what the group who were not exposed   to the self- compassion message ate. People who are hard on themselves and have guilt feelings end up despairing, saying I can never change and what the heck and then indulgence even more.

In another study shared by  Heidi Grant Halvorson  participants who failed an initial test were given a chance to improve their scores. One group were encouraged to boost their self –esteem by affirming and validating positive qualities. Another group was encouraged to exercise self –compassion and not to be hard on  themselves. Those who took a self-compassionate view of their earlier failure studied 25% longer and scored higher on a second test, than the participants who focused on bolstering their self-esteem.

Self compassion is effective because it is non-evaluative. It allows people to look at their mistakes and flaws with kindness and understanding. People then focus on the self as a process and not as an object. You don't judge   yourself harshly nor feel the need to defensively focus on all your positive qualities in order to protect your self-esteem. Setbacks and mistakes are part of being human and essential to the learning process. When the focus is on the process, rather than achievement, the journey rather than the destination you are more likely to be more accurate in assessing your abilities and coming up with a better plan which will help you reach your destination.

People who view the self as an object react by saying ' How could "I"  ( capital I )  do that ?  have feelings of guilt and shame which get in the way, while people who said '  How could I do THAT, did not focus on the self but on their  actions and were successful in changing.

The problem with sin is not the sin itself  but what happens afterwards – not getting up and repenting. The evil inclination encourages guilt feelings as a person feels that this is the beginning of the repentance process. But these feelings end up causing despair and hopelessness which gets in the way of recovery. The verse proverbs 24:15 says that   7 times a saint falls and then he gets up. The failure is not in the falling , but not getting up.

Self compassion leads to higher levels of personal well-being, optimism and happiness less anxiety and depression.

Mindfulness and promoting the needs of autonomy, competence and relatedness help people and kids focus on the self as process.

 Mindfulness is an open non-judgmental awareness of what is happening in the present. Self esteeming and the focus on ME are just   mental constructions of the mind. In mindfulness and SDT there is no fixed concept of the self to protect or enhance, all facts are friendly and inform one's experiences and behaviors.

According to SDT, people with low self esteem are lacking in supports for and satisfactions of one or more of the basic needs of autonomy (= self direction not independence), competence and relatedness. They don't feel worthy as they are missing a sense of love, authenticity, or effectiveness. People with high contingent self esteem seek behaviors that support and reassure them that they are worthy in their eyes and others.

The paradox of self esteem of self –esteem ' If you need it , you don't have it and if you have it , you don't need it .

Rav Eliashiv: Reliability of psakim said in his name

Due to the recent discussion regarding the reliability of teshuvos said in Rav Eliashiv's name, I just noticed the following on Seforim Blog

47. ר' דוד אריה מורגנשטרן, פתחי דעת, הלכות נדה, [הלכות נדה לפרטיהן עם מקורות הדינים והכרעות הפוקסקים, ובו נתבררו בהרחבה צדדי המציאות וההלכה בנידונים רבים], 397 עמודים.

"Worth noting is the introduction of this work where the author, Rabbi Morgenstern one of Rav Elyahsiv's main students, talks about being careful about relying on the Pesakyim quoted in the name of R Elyahsiv in various recent works."

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   Rav Eliashiv - Kovetz Teshuvos from Hashakdan 

Sabbath observant meter keeps water flowing 24/7

Times of Israel   Smart metering – the ability to constantly monitor usage 24/7 – has come to the ultra-Orthodox town of Bnei Brak in central Israel. But those meters take a rest on Shabbat, thanks to an Israeli water tech company, Arad Technologies. 

“Our ‘glatt [super-kosher] water meter’ overcomes the problem of a smart water meter operating on Shabbat,” said Tal Tzur, VP Software & IT at Arad. “It allows us to install modern equipment in ultra-Orthodox neighborhoods to help save water, prevent leaks, and save money for residents.” 

It also alleviated a situation, said Tzur, in which residents of places like Jerusalem’s Mea Shearim neighborhood, Safed, and Bnei Brak were planning to do without tap water on Shabbat in order to avoid violating the sanctity of the holy day.

While water metering sounds like an old-tech industry, it is actually on the leading edge of technology. With wifi connections and GPS chips built into meters, servers can now gobble up endless reams of data about water usage. While in the old days, the water company would send out a meter-reader to see how much water a household or business used, smart monitoring technology allows the water utility to keep a constant eye out on water usage.

“Water is more expensive than ever, and ensuring a steady supply of clean water is more of a challenge, as populations grow and industry expands,” Arad vice president Rami Ziv told The Times of Israel on the sidelines of a huge WaTec (Water Technology and Environment Control) exhibition in Tel Aviv this week. “Smart metering is an important way to get water usage under control.”

With a smart meter installed at a water facility, a utility can keep an eye on field installations and get an alert if water usage goes above a certain level. The same holds true for a home user; if water usage seems too high, the utility can contact the customer and ask them if a faucet was left on accidentally, or help to uncover an unknown leak. Smart meters can also detect if someone is tampering with the water infrastructure – illegally tapping into it in order to steal water, for example.[...]

Project Innocent Heart - Dov Hikind has provided them with $950 K to fight abuse - who are they?

NY Daily News    Assemblyman Dov Hikind has quietly steered nearly $1 million in state cash to a little known orthodox Jewish group aiming to combat child abuse throughout Brooklyn’s black hat enclaves.

The controversial pol tapped Project Innocent Heart [Innocent heart website] — a Far Rockaway based organization headed by Rabbi Moshe Bak — to teach Hasidim about keeping kids safe from pedophiles, kidnappers and other criminals, according to a source with knowledge of the deal.

It's been four years since Hikind scored the $950,000 payout from the state’s Office of Family and Children's Services.

The money was first requested to fund Shomrei Yeldainu — Hebrew for “Guardians of our Children” — which nonprofit Metropolitan Council on Jewish Poverty was going to run.

Hikind wouldn’t return calls explaining what happened to Shomrei or why Project Innocent Heart ended up with the dough.

Met Council — whose revered executive director William Rapfogel was arrested last month in an elaborate kickback scheme — said plans were being finalized. [...]

Child safety advocates argued Project Innocent Heart is too small and too new to tackle the multigenerational, deep-rooted fear within Jewish communities involving reporting crimes to police.

“There are reputable established organizations out there,” said Ben Hirsch, a co-founder of Survivors for Justice.

Kolko case: Halachic basis of the father's actions against Kolko

Click for Original Hebrew


The injustice done to a Lakewood Talmid Chachom acting against a pedophile

Israel and Saudi Arabia – Foes or Friends?

5 Towns Jewish Times   Saudi Arabia is the second to largest country in the entire Arab world. It has a population of approximately twenty seven million people, and geographically, is to the south of Jordan which is directly to the south of Israel. Although Saudi Arabia, along with the other Arab states, have officially been at war with Israel since 1948, there are areas where it has been becoming mutually beneficial for the under cover collaboration of Israel and Saudi Arabia. This collaboration would be extremely fascinating because Saudi Arabia is home to Islam’s two holiest places, Mecca and Medina, therefore being integral to all Muslims who as a general rule hate Israel and the Jews!   [...]

In conclusion, although externally Saudi Arabia and Israel appear to still be at war with each other, really they may maintain a hidden alliance, created because of common strategic needs. As we can observe from Israel and Saudi Arabia’s recent work to achieve the common goal of installing the new Egyptian regime, their collaborative efforts could achieve great successes. What would happen to the entire Middle East if Israel and Saudi Arabia ever became allied outwardly! With Saudi Arabia’s wealth and Israel’s political persuasiveness and potent military ability, they would be able to change the entire Middle Eastern region!