Where is Torah Justice for Frum Divorced Fathers?

Guest post by Menachem B.

"Do not pervert justice" (Leviticus 19:15). 

"The judge who perverts justice is called an unjust person, hateful and detested, doomed to destruction, and an abomination." (Rashi on Leviticus 19:15).

"Orthodox" Feminist activists often love to proclaim their support for alleged "Justice" and "Gender Equality" in regards to Jewish women.  

But the double standards and hypocrisy of the Orthodox Feminist activists are blatant. 

If one examines the marriage/divorce policies of these activists, it is clear they are not promoting halachic divorce practices or halachic justice. 

Rather the Orthodox Feminist activists are promoting blatant double standards of female power, privilege, and control over males. 

The double standards promoted by these activists are in fact major causes of the alleged "agunot crisis" that the Orthodox Feminist activists constantly protest! 

Here are some critical questions that need to be asked to the Orthodox Feminist activists:

1. ANTI-MALE PRENUPS: Why does the standard US Modern Orthodox prenup empower a Jewish wife to force a Jewish divorce on her husband for any reason using massive financial penalties, while Jewish husbands are not allowed any such option of forcing a Jewish divorce on their wives?

2. FEMALE GET REFUSAL ALLOWED: Why does the JOFA Guide to Jewish Divorce explicitly allow female Get refusal under some circumstances, while Get refusal by Jewish husbands is adamantly opposed by Orthodox Feminist activists who characterize it as evil, cruel, and unacceptable? 

3. FAKE SEIRUVIM AGAINST MEN: Why are alleged "seiruvim" against Jewish men constantly publicized on Orthodox Feminist websites (such as the ORA and Jewish Press sites), even when the husbands are in compliance with halacha? 

4. SEIRUVIM AGAINST WOMEN IGNORED: Why are valid seiruvim against Jewish women very rarely or else never publicized in the Orthodox Feminist media, even when the women have committed major violations of halacha? 

5. PROTESTS ONLY AGAINST MEN: Why are alleged male Get refusers (including men compliant with halacha) often subjected to protests, public shaming, sanctions, etc. by Orthodox Feminist activists (such as ORA), while female Get refusers, female halacha violators, female mosrim, and female parental alienators are almost never subjected to any protests, public shaming, or sanctions? 

6. ONLY HUSBANDS MUST CONCEDE: In typical divorce conflicts, why do the Orthodox Feminist "rabbis" and activists demand that the husband comply with his wife's demands, including demands for a Get, while almost never demanding that the wife reciprocate by respecting the husband's halachic rights, including respecting the husband's rights to parent his children?

7. EVERY WIFE AN INNOCENT AGUNAH: Why do Orthodox Feminist "rabbis", activists, and media often rush to label any woman in a divorce conflict as an innocent oppressed "agunah" worthy of public support, regardless of her halachic compliance, regardless of her halachic right to a Get, and regardless of any severe transgressions she committed against her husband?  

8. EVERY HUSBAND GUILTY: Why do Orthodox Feminist "rabbis", activists and media, when discussing divorce conflicts, often misrepresent halacha and facts to portray Jewish husbands as evil oppressors of their wives?

9. ANNULMENTS FOR WOMEN ONLY ALLOWED: Why do Orthodox Feminist "rabbis" and activists often extend full recognition to halachically invalid "marriage annulments" obtained by Jewish women, while usually refusing to recognize halachically valid heter meah rabbanim obtained by Jewish men?

10. CRUEL TREATMENT OF FATHERS IGNORED: Why do Orthodox Feminist "rabbis" and activists almost completely ignore the desperate plight of divorced Jewish fathers, many of whom are virtual agunim who have been alienated from or denied access to their children, or were financially crushed in non-Jewish courts, or were booted out of their homes on fake domestic violence charges? 

Its time to start focusing some significant efforts on restoring halachic justice and halachic rights for frum divorced fathers. 

Without halachic rights for Jewish men it may be impossible to preserve Jewish families and resolve the agunot-agunim problems.

Emor 76- Kiddush Hashem , Walls and Values by Allan Katz

Allan Katz

The parasha introduces us to the principles of Kiddush ha-Shem and Chilul ha-Shem in the verses –Lev. 22:32-33 Do not desecrate /profane my holy Name , rather that I should be sanctified among the children of Israel , I am Hashem , who sanctifies you. Who took you out of the land of Egypt to be a God unto you, I am Hashem.

לב וְלֹא תְחַלְּלוּ, אֶת-שֵׁם קָדְשִׁי, וְנִקְדַּשְׁתִּי, בְּתוֹךְ בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל: אֲנִי יְהוָה, מְקַדִּשְׁכֶם. לג הַמּוֹצִיא אֶתְכֶם מֵאֶרֶץ מִצְרַיִם, לִהְיוֹת לָכֶם לֵאלֹהִים: אֲנִי, יְהוָה

The demands of Kiddush ha-Shem - go beyond those of morality. It is not only a question of a behavior, being moral or not, but how the behavior reflects on and impacts on the reputation of a person , his family, school, community, nation and even God himself. By associating Himself with the children of Israel, firstly through Abraham who voluntarily began teaching and being an example of God's ways and then with the nation as whole by taking them out of the land of Egypt and making a covenant with them at Mount Sinai, the children of Israel became God's ambassadors and witnesses to the world. So God's standing in eyes of the world now depends on how God's ' chosen' people behave.

Many people in the community are disturbed by community leaders failing in this role, but also with religious people who don't act with integrity, decency, humility and compassion. It is sometimes out of a self-righteousness that they show contempt for people or are totally immersed in their own world of prayer and study to notice a person in need. The question is why are people failing in the role as ambassadors and being witnesses for God?

The verses in The Torah that speak about sanctifying or profaning the Name of God are proceeded by laws concerning offerings – waiting 7 days before bring an animal as an offering, not slaughtering the mother and child on the same day, and bringing the offering must be only to become closer to God and benefit from the atonement and good that the offering brings to the world.

כז שׁוֹר אוֹ-כֶשֶׂב אוֹ-עֵז כִּי יִוָּלֵד, וְהָיָה שִׁבְעַת יָמִים תַּחַת אִמּוֹ; וּמִיּוֹם הַשְּׁמִינִי, וָהָלְאָה, יֵרָצֶה, לְקָרְבַּן אִשֶּׁה לַיהוָה. כח וְשׁוֹר, אוֹ-ֶׂה--אֹתוֹ וְאֶת-בְּנוֹ, לֹא תִשְׁחֲטוּ בְּיוֹם אֶחָד. כט וְכִי-תִזְבְּחוּ זֶבַח-תּוֹדָה, לַיהוָה--לִרְצֹנְכֶם, תִּזְבָּחוּ

The Mesech Chochmah asks – what is the connection of these verses with the commandments to sanctify and not to desecrate God's name. He explains that in contrast to idolatry which is full of cruelty, harshness and retribution to the human soul – for eg human sacrifices and cutting, the Torah is full of compassion, clemency , kindness and sustains the world –וחסד ,מהוה ומחיה העולמים ... חמלה וחנינה . The Torah teaches how to be supportive and compassionate to people and also treat animals with compassion. If we eat meat or offer sacrifices -which is the ultimate destiny of an animal by becoming part of a refined human being - we should do so with as much compassion as possible ( although we cannot escape the pain of death ) and follow the laws mentioned above. If God cares about the soul of the animal surely He cares about us. We must bring sacrifices whole-heartedly, knowing that God has no benefit and only wants from us to do kindness and give expression to God's ways. But if we are forced to desecrate God's commandments and denigrate God's honor, we cannot live with this contradiction and need to give up our lives and sanctify God's Name . We must be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, and choose the eternal life close to God.

The role of God's ambassador is having a ' compassionate mindset ' , so what gets in the way of people? In a world where values of materialism, hedonism, sexual promiscuity and competition etc threaten a spiritual life of modesty , spirituality and community, it is quite understandable that communities build walls and fences to protect people from outside influences. However, there are many challenges and dangers to be faced. The problem (a) is that wall or fence creates limits and boundaries and not values. It is values underlying how one should interact with other people and society at large – with sensitivity and compassion and yet being faithful and authentic to one's Torah values that should create limits, boundaries and walls. (b) When we create a wall or a fence to exclude others we may end up treating people as if they don't count , not one of us , and then we objectify them. When we objectify people , being careful to avoid a chilul Hashem – a desecration of God's name and instead focus on being a kidddush Hashem, sanctifying God's name has no relevancy and then not on our agenda. This impacts negatively on peoples' personalities and character and leads to arrogance , self-righteousness and acting out of self-interest. Teachers, parents , rabbis etc fail to the lesson of the first book of Moses – Genesis which has little law in it and mostly stories of how the – forefathers interacted with people and society at large. The Netziv in his introduction to the Book of Genesis says that the Avot-forefathers were called ' ye'sharim= straight people ,honorable and decent people in their dealings with people who were even idolators, yet had a loving relationship with them and cared about their welfare

אבות היו ישרים בהליכות עולמים ....שהתנהגו עם אומות העולם, אפילו עובדי אלילים מכוערים; מכל מקום היו עִמם באהבה, וחשו לטובתם, באשר היא קיום הבריאה ...וחפץ בקיומם

. It was for this reason that the children of Heth said to Abraham – You are a prince of God in our midst – נשיא אלוקים אתה בתוכנו

(c )' Not counting people ' also impacts on informal learning and acquiring of wisdom which depends on being able to learn from all people and situations. איזה חכם הלומד מכל אדם This attitude cheapens the value of wisdom, chochmah and secular or general knowledge.

As parents and educators ' walls' protecting children from negative influences are important, but what guides behavior and interaction with people must be values and especially the example of the Avot- forefathers and we being role models that sanctify the name of God with a compassionate mindset and yet not compromising on the other Torah values.

Was the Holocaust caused by specific sins? A disagreement between Rav Yitzchok Hutner vs Rav Avigdor Miller

update: The Nesivos Shalom's sefer on the Holocaust can be downloaded  here

update: The words of the Lubavitcher Rebbe seem consistent with the views of Rav Hutner that the Holocaust was not punishment for the sins of that generation.  See also my post on the views of the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Rav Shach   Chabad and the Holocaust 

Chabad itself has the following material

The Rebbe and the Holocaust

Belief after the Holocaust

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There are those who wish to suggest that the Holocaust was a punishment for the sins of that generation.

 The Lubavitcher Rebbe rejects this view. He stated (Sefer HaSichot 5751 Vol.1 p.233):

The destruction of six million Jews in such a horrific manner that surpassed the cruelty of all previous generations, could not possibly be because of a punishment for sins. Even the Satan himself could not possibly find a sufficient number of sins that would warrant such genocide! 

There is absolutely no rationalistic explanation for the Holocaust except for the fact that it was a Divine decree … why it happened is above human comprehension – but it is definitely not because of punishment for sin. 

On the contrary: All those who were murdered in the Holocaust are called “Kedoshim” – holy ones – since they were murdered in sanctification of G–d’s name. Since they were Jews, it is only G–d who will avenge their blood. As we say on Shabbat in the Av Harachamim prayer, “the holy communities who gave their lives for the sanctification of the Divine Name ... and avenge the spilled blood of His servants, as it is written in the Torah of Moshe ... for he will avenge the blood of his servants ... And in the Holy Writings it is said ... Let there be known among the nations, before our eyes, the retribution of the spilled blood of your servants.” G–d describes those who were sanctified as His servants, and promises to avenge their blood. 

So great is the spiritual level of the Kedoshim – even disregarding their standing in mitzvah performance – that the Rabbis say about them, “no creation can stand in their place.” How much more so of those who died in the Holocaust, many of whom, as is well known, were among the finest of Europe’s Torah scholars and observant Jews. 

It is inconceivable that the Holocaust be regarded as an example of punishment for sin, in particular when addressing this generation, which as mentioned before is “a firebrand plucked from the fire” of the Holocaust. 

In short, one can only apply the words of Isaiah, “My thoughts are not your thoughts and My ways are not your ways, says the L–rd.” (Isaiah 55:8)There are those who wish to suggest that the Holocaust was a punishment for the sins of that generation. 

The Lubavitcher Rebbe rejects this view. He stated (Sefer HaSichot 5751 Vol.1 p.233):

The destruction of six million Jews in such a horrific manner that surpassed the cruelty of all previous generations, could not possibly be because of a punishment for sins. Even the Satan himself could not possibly find a sufficient number of sins that would warrant such genocide! 

There is absolutely no rationalistic explanation for the Holocaust except for the fact that it was a Divine decree … why it happened is above human comprehension – but it is definitely not because of punishment for sin. 

On the contrary: All those who were murdered in the Holocaust are called “Kedoshim” – holy ones – since they were murdered in sanctification of G–d’s name. Since they were Jews, it is only G–d who will avenge their blood. As we say on Shabbat in the Av Harachamim prayer, “the holy communities who gave their lives for the sanctification of the Divine Name ... and avenge the spilled blood of His servants, as it is written in the Torah of Moshe ... for he will avenge the blood of his servants ... And in the Holy Writings it is said ... Let there be known among the nations, before our eyes, the retribution of the spilled blood of your servants.” G–d describes those who were sanctified as His servants, and promises to avenge their blood. 

So great is the spiritual level of the Kedoshim – even disregarding their standing in mitzvah performance – that the Rabbis say about them, “no creation can stand in their place.” How much more so of those who died in the Holocaust, many of whom, as is well known, were among the finest of Europe’s Torah scholars and observant Jews. 

It is inconceivable that the Holocaust be regarded as an example of punishment for sin, in particular when addressing this generation, which as mentioned before is “a firebrand plucked from the fire” of the Holocaust. 

In short, one can only apply the words of Isaiah, “My thoughts are not your thoughts and My ways are not your ways, says the L–rd.” (Isaiah 55:8)

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The following quotes are taken from a paper written by R Gamliel Shmalo concerning Rav Hutner's view of the Holocaust. The objections that were raised in comments in a previous post regarding Rav Miller's views are similar to those that Rav Hutner raises against Rav Miller's view. He objects to anyone speaking with certainty as if he were a prophet or to say that the Holocaust was a kindness that was deserved by the sins of the Jewish people. In contrast Rav Hutner specifically rejects such an explanation or even the ability to know the truth of such allegations and claims that the Holocaust was part of the suffering of Exile and not because of specific sins. Furthermore Rav Hutner viewed the horrible events as being nothing inherently different than the suffering of the past and in fact described events

as Churban of Europe [similar to the Churban of the Beis HaMikdash] rather than utilize the new word Holocaust.

The last paragraph contains unconfirmed conjecture from the paper as to the possible consequences of the disagreement

Rav Avigdor Miller (Rejoice of Youth Page 350-351) …because so many European Jews fell into the error of admiring and emulating the Germans, G-d allowed the Germans to do their utmost to show who they really are.. Those Jews who had begun to ignore the Soul, and in imitation of the gentiles devoted their efforts solely to the needs of the body, were made to see how their efforts ended in. the worst ruination of Jewish bodies in history ... Because so many imitated the gentiles and refused to rest on the Seventh Day., they were forced to work seven days a week at_ killing labor. Because they sent their children to non-Jewish or .secular schools and no longer gave their children to the Torah-study, the Nazis were allowed to destroy Jewish children entirely. Because, for the first time in Jewish history, women ceased to cover their hair, tbe Germans shaved them bald in the death camps. Because the virtues of chaste dress and behavior were diminished in imitation of tile gentiles, they were marched naked to the gas chambers, and Jewish women were subjected to every barbarous indecency before being killed., Because they had so revered the physicians, especially the German specialists, they were subjected to the malicious experiments and torments which the German physicians impose upon them, Because they forsook the laws of the Torah, they were subjected to the Nuremberg Laws which deprived them of all the rights which other men enjoyed…. 

Rav Yitzchak Hutner (taken from "Interpreters of Judaism in the  Late Twentieth Century" Prof. S. Schwarzchild and  R Matis Greenblatt's "Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner" in Jewish Action  Summer 2001)

The first of these of these epochal changes involves the shift from generations of gentile mistreatment of Jews, which, if unwelcome, was nevertheless expected and indeed announced by our oppressors - to an era where promises of equality were made and then broken, rights were granted and then revoked, benevolence was anticipated, only to be crushed by cruel malevolence. 

The end-result of this period for the Jewish psyche was a significant - .. indeed, crucial - one. From trust in the gentile world, the Jewish nation was cruelly brought to a repudiation of that trust In a relatively short historical period, disappointment in the non-Jewish world was deeply imprinted upon the Jewish soul.

[…]

It should be needless to say at this point that since the churban of European Jewry was a tochacha phenomenon, an enactment of the admonishment and rebuke which Kial Yisroel carries upon its shoulders as an integral part of being the Am Hanivchar - G-d's chosen ones - we have no right to interpret these events as any kind of specific punishment for specific sins. The tochacha is a built-in aspect of the character of Kial Yisroel until Moshiach comes and is visited upon Kial Yisroel at the Creator's will and for reasons known and comprehensible only to Him. One would have to be a נביא or תנא (a prophet or a Talmudic sage), to claim knowledge of the specific reasons for what befell us; anyone on a lesser plane claiming to do so tramples in vain upon the bodies of the kedoshim who died 'על קידוש ה' and misuses the power to interpret and understand Jewish history.

כנראה ,ראש ישיבה חיים ברלין (רב הוטנר) והמשגיח הרוחני שלה (רב אביגדור מילד) היו מחולקים בנושא" .רב מילד הביא את ספרו הנ"ל לדפוס נשבת 1962 והוא יצא לאור בפועל בשנת 1963  ; מעניין שהרב מילד עזב את הישיבה בשנת 1964 - עובדה האומרת דרשני. יש בזקרם לשייר שמבחינתו של הרב הוטנר, רב מילר הקצין · את השיטה המסורתית עד נקודת שבירת הכלים. רב הוטנר איבד בשואה קרובי משפחה שהיה בעיניו צדיקים וקדושים: מסופר בחוג הישיבה 68 שדודו היה כה רגיש לכבוד התורה שהוא מת מהתקף לב כשהוא ראה חייל נאצי יורק על ספר התורה. לא ייתכן להסביר את מיתתם של ''קדושים" האלו באופן כל כך גס, ועל כן הרב הוטנר חיפש פשר חילופי . קשה להוכיח מה היו מניעיו של הרב הוטנר; מה שברור הוא שבעולם הישיבות, הגישה שלו הייתה 

יוצאת מן הכלל, אם כי היו תקדימים 
68
 

Little Girl Lost: More than 600 people ignore lost child in TV experiment

Would you help this young girl or be afraid of being accused of being a pedophile or kidnapper?

Would you help a girl? (Social Experiment)

While it is important to talk about the halacha about whether you are allowed to call the police when you see find out about someone being abused - it is as least as important that you actually do something to protect the victim. Most people - even if they feel abuse is wrong and that it is permitted to call the authorities or even beat the assailant - will not intervene as can be seen from this video. WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE?