tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post7490272293448917002..comments2024-03-28T02:08:17.990+02:00Comments on Daas Torah - Issues of Jewish Identity: Reasons a wife refuses marital relations & possible solutionsDaas Torahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-86893302050296454112018-10-30T05:02:02.573+02:002018-10-30T05:02:02.573+02:00Wikipedia says Judaism teaches that if either part...Wikipedia says Judaism teaches that if either partner refuses to have sex, that partner is considered rebellious and he other can sue for divorce. Is that correct? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_views_on_marriage#Sexual_relationsmichaelnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-11125158398479068592018-06-25T09:35:18.983+03:002018-06-25T09:35:18.983+03:00he needs to speak to a competent rav and/or therap...he needs to speak to a competent rav and/or therapist no excusesDaas Torahhttp://daattorah.blogspot.co.il/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-23205450344410221902018-06-25T04:58:55.977+03:002018-06-25T04:58:55.977+03:00What about when a man refuses to have sex with his...What about when a man refuses to have sex with his wife? My husband hasn’t been intimate with me in 18 months (been married less than three years)! He says he’s tired and stressed!Rochellenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-58603271377480453572018-02-20T04:59:08.022+02:002018-02-20T04:59:08.022+02:00is there anyone she will take advice from?is there anyone she will take advice from?Daas Torahhttp://daattorah.blogspot.co.il/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-85193829720648864642018-02-20T04:59:05.076+02:002018-02-20T04:59:05.076+02:00No...no one. Believe me, I've tried / suggest...No...no one. Believe me, I've tried / suggested it. I think this is "my life" for the rest of my life.Brian Bennettnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-12117427950723841542018-02-11T00:47:31.206+02:002018-02-11T00:47:31.206+02:00I'm in a 5 yr sexless marriage, and it's d...I'm in a 5 yr sexless marriage, and it's driving me crazy! Granted, my wife does have pain after menopause. I do understand that. We're both 64. However, the part that I do not understand is she refuses to go to a doctor or get this "problem" fixed / improved. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.Brian Bennettnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-84217119601868784262014-10-25T02:53:49.302+03:002014-10-25T02:53:49.302+03:00Sometimes,Life can be very displeasing especially ...Sometimes,Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. in this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. one may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. that person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart. That was my experience late last year. but thank god today i am happy with him again. all thanks goes to Dr. EDIONWE, i was nearly loosing hope until i saw an article on how Dr. EDIONWE could cast a love spell to make lovers come back. There is no harm in trying, i said to my self. i contacted him via email: edionwesolutiontemple@yahoo.com. words will not be enough to appreciate what he has done for me. i have promised to share the good news as long as i live. he also helped me with promotion in my office. Dr. EDIONWE work is wow... since i met this man, everything is just going as i wished. i am very happy now. i urge you all to contact him via email: edionwesolutiontemple@yhaoo.com. No matter what your problem is, i believe there is a spiritual solution to it and its perfect. just try, you will be happy and will also share a testimony as i am doing now.roberto pnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-91535916575313594532012-08-26T16:32:38.555+03:002012-08-26T16:32:38.555+03:00Ora, what you are saying is normative and correct....Ora, what you are saying is normative and correct.<br /><br />According to the voice out in the street, 'forceful sex' is a minority of a minority and practiced by males who are dealing with issues outside of religious observence. Especially among couples of Western Culture (another word for those born, raised and educated in America) Torah Jews, communication, understanding between spouses and working on midos is a prime avodas hashem. <br /><br />One reason that parents have used to avoid out-of-country shidduchim for their children (European, Israeli, South American)is because of the 'out of synch' culture & how it relates to women, 'less religious', vocational education, job opportunities & more.<br /><br />DAAS TORAH was stating the black & white Halacha, not how it is implemented in the majority of bedrooms. tzipschumnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-35211849154097584662012-08-26T14:12:04.090+03:002012-08-26T14:12:04.090+03:00the feeling is clearly mutual. Your misreading or ...the feeling is clearly mutual. Your misreading or twisting material - especially from the classic Jewish sources I quote clearly show a feminist agenda which goes way beyond even a modern secular view.<br /><br />According to your view a distinguished Rosh Yeshiva who told me that it is very important to be attentive one's wife's feelings and if she indicates she is interested then it is important to be available no matter how tired you are or what emotional state you are in. I assume that you would say that this Rosh Yeshiva - who was world famous as a tzadik - would be saying that he was raped by his wife?!Daas Torahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-65005755023651222102012-08-26T11:40:08.173+03:002012-08-26T11:40:08.173+03:00http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/rape...http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/rape<br /><br />A criminal offense defined in most states as forcible sexual relations with a person against that person's will.<br /><br />Rape is the commission of unlawful sexual intercourse or unlawful sexual intrusion. Rape laws in the United States have been revised over the years, and they vary from state to state.<br /><br />Historically, rape was defined as unlawful sexual intercourse with a woman against her will. The essential elements of the crime were sexual penetration, force, and lack of consent. Women who were raped were expected to have physically resisted to the utmost of their powers or their assailant would not be convicted of rape. Additionally, a husband could have sex with his wife against her will without being charged with rape. Beginning in the 1970s, state legislatures and courts expanded and redefined the crime of rape to reflect modern notions of equality and legal propriety.<br /><br />As of the early 2000s, all states define rape without reference to the sex of the victim and the perpetrator. Though the overwhelming majority of rape victims are women, a woman may be convicted of raping a man, a man may be convicted of raping a man, and a woman may be convicted of raping another woman. Furthermore, a spouse may be convicted of rape if the perpetrator forces the other spouse to have nonconsensual sex. Many states do not punish the rape of a spouse as severely as the rape of a non-spouse.<br /><br />Many states also have redefined lack of consent. Before the 1970s, many courts viewed the element of force from the standpoint of the victim. A man would not be convicted of rape of a competent woman unless she had demonstrated some physical resistance. In the absence of physical resistance, courts usually held that the sexual act was consensual. In the early 2000s in many states, the prosecution can prove lack of consent by presenting evidence that the victim objected verbally to the sexual penetration or sexual intrusion.<br /><br />Lack of consent is a necessary element in every rape. But this qualifier does not mean that a person may make sexual contact with a minor or incapacitated person who actually consented. Lack of consent may result from either forcible compulsion by the perpetrator or an incapacity to consent on the part of the victim. Persons who are physically or mentally helpless or who are under a certain age in relation to the perpetrator are deemed legally incapable of consenting to sex.Daas Torahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-92227056386207771662012-08-26T11:36:28.184+03:002012-08-26T11:36:28.184+03:00You are wrong - I did not say a man can rape his w...You are wrong - I did not say a man can rape his wife. The fact that there is a halachic obligation for sexual relations - does not mean that she must submit if she doesn't want to. I did say that a wife might consent for various reasons - that is not rape. If she refuses - that is her perogative - but the man can also say he doesn't want to be married to her anymore.<br /><br />Your definition of rape is so broad that it would mean that most women have been/are being raped by their husbands. Your definition fits the womem's liberations movement agenda but it is not the accepted definition either in secular law or halacha. Try going to the police with charges based on your definition!<br /><br />Daas Torahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-62805890604072742752012-08-26T11:14:22.195+03:002012-08-26T11:14:22.195+03:00My intention was to point out that that some indiv...My intention was to point out that that some individuals choose to meet life's challenges by placing blame rather than working for a solution. Obviously, the man in the above example would be required to find a new job, or take a second job, or spend less RATHER than steal. So, too, a husband has a multitude of choices other than divorcing or becoming a "serial masturbator". Rather than using his wife as an excuse for sinning, he should try the methods I suggested above.Bunsa Bayisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-89021293978082688302012-08-26T10:35:07.976+03:002012-08-26T10:35:07.976+03:00While I think overall your post was a positive sum...While I think overall your post was a positive summary, this is a bit flippant for the topic and highlights what I felt the main post was missing.<br /><br />If a boss doesn't pay someone, they get a new boss. No families are ruined because he went somewhere else to meet his basic needs.Yirmiahuhttp://machzikeihadas.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-62760643194831390492012-08-26T05:20:57.133+03:002012-08-26T05:20:57.133+03:00A man dealing with this issue should definitely re...A man dealing with this issue should definitely read Garden of Peace by Rav Shalom Arush. Women are often unhappy in marriages because men do not understand the practical rules of shalom bayis. It takes considerable self-control to implement R' Arush's teachings but they really do work.yeshayanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-85672593586417356922012-08-26T02:55:50.806+03:002012-08-26T02:55:50.806+03:00 I have stated repeatedly that it is prohibited wi... I have stated repeatedly that it is prohibited without the consent of the wife. I also mentioned that there are times when a wife will consent because of other factors. What is it that you disagree with?Daas Torahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-20838122751621448232012-08-26T00:42:17.472+03:002012-08-26T00:42:17.472+03:00Ora I think you have a reading problem. I agree yo...Ora I think you have a reading problem. I agree you simply don't understand what I am writing.<br /><br />I am simply describing something called reality. A woman is married to a man she is not happy with - but there are other concerns such as children, divorce etc etc. She might decide that the husband is the lesser of evils. What would you advise?Daas Torahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-63309962653575657142012-08-25T23:07:22.314+03:002012-08-25T23:07:22.314+03:00And if his boss doesn't pay him a high enough ...And if his boss doesn't pay him a high enough salary, it will cause him to steal.Bunsa Bayisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-82013888130080664862012-08-25T22:15:01.390+03:002012-08-25T22:15:01.390+03:00it depends on whether sex is put off for the momen...it depends on whether sex is put off for the moment but will be available in the near future - or simply refusing. If sexual interests are not compatible - a therapist should be consulted as well as a posekDaas Torahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-50681758730250785362012-08-25T22:11:50.808+03:002012-08-25T22:11:50.808+03:00simple answer you have the halachic right to refus...simple answer you have the halachic right to refuse if you are not interested at the moment - but are available at some other time. It seems from the poskim that means that availability perhaps twice a week. If you are not interested for months at a time then that would probably be considered ma'os alei - with all the associated issues. In between these two extremes you need to consult with a posek. Your husband would possibly have grounds for asking for a divorce if you are incompatible in sexual interests. It is up to beis din to decide whether this refusal or lack of interest is considered a moredes or ma'ous alei. If the husband has strange sexual likings - a posek needs to be consulted - but a woman doesn't have to accept anything which she doesn't like. Though you will find rabbis who insist that it is the woman's problem if she doesn't like it and tell her that that is simply a part of marriage. I dealt with a woman who had been fortifying herself with psychiatric medication for years so she could allow her husband to do what he wanted because she thought she had to be a good wife. By the time she got to me - she hated her husband -but stayed in the marriage for the sake of the children. It was too late at this point to do anything other than to tell her she didn't have to submit - but she never lost her hatred for him.<br /><br /><br />These issues are discussed in detail in Otzer haposkim.Daas Torahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-14015036595344720932012-08-25T00:18:45.677+03:002012-08-25T00:18:45.677+03:00Question:
As a wife, do I have the halachic right...Question:<br /><br />As a wife, do I have the halachic right to refuse to have sex with my husband for any reason?<br /><br />If a reason is halachicly needed for me to refuse to have sex with my husband, what reasons are considered justifiable to a wife to refuse to have sex, under halacha?tzippinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-76858140482276159532012-08-24T22:52:37.766+03:002012-08-24T22:52:37.766+03:00When a woman refuses to have sex with her husband,...When a woman refuses to have sex with her husband, she is turning her husband into a serial masturbater who eventually may no longer be interested in having sex with her. (Though he may never tell her.)Chavnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-65903982993605539612012-08-24T21:36:37.027+03:002012-08-24T21:36:37.027+03:00Excellent and Realistic answers & solution.
O...Excellent and Realistic answers & solution.<br /><br />One more to add, reduced sex drive in comparison to the husbands. Once/twice weekly may be more than enough for one and not the other. tzipschumnoreply@blogger.com