tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post565012866930307579..comments2024-03-28T02:08:17.990+02:00Comments on Daas Torah - Issues of Jewish Identity: Abuse - rape of young girlDaas Torahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07252904288544083215noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-19900463526890562292009-01-14T02:20:00.000+02:002009-01-14T02:20:00.000+02:00Well I suppose that people go and see a lawyer whe...Well I suppose that people go and see a lawyer when they want to go to court. So you see the selection of victims who do go to court. <BR/><BR/>however, there are many victims who never go to court, for various reasons, and there are even some that are ready to forgive before they are cured and before the perpetrator asked them to forgive.<BR/><BR/>my question was: is this psychologically healthy?<BR/><BR/>Are there comparative research results on this subject?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-65758211366614065402009-01-13T22:32:00.000+02:002009-01-13T22:32:00.000+02:00Some observations:On all of the occasions I've met...Some observations:<BR/><BR/>On all of the occasions I've met victims and their families, forgiveness is not on the radar screen. When they come to me, they want to prosecute civilly and/or criminally, and I believe that's the way it should be. As the victims' lawyer, certainly mechila hasn't really crossed my mind.<BR/><BR/>My own observation has always been that forgiveness, in general, does not appear to be a Jewish trait; we certainly differ from the Christians, for whom forgiveness is a centerpiece of their theology. While many tsaddikim were quick to forgive, I'm hard-pressed right now to think of any Torah episode where someone clearly said, I'm mochel - maybe someone can enlighten me.<BR/><BR/>To the contrary, the halacha seems to be that it is permissible to reject a plea of forgiveness. Its even kind of hard to ask for mechila the right way - if the<BR/>victim says, No, the mechila-asker has to return three times with three choshuv Jews and keep asking. Not so easy to do, and the Torah seems to understand that its against our nature to forgive. We all are familiar with the Rambam's formula for actual teshuva.<BR/><BR/>I often think about the mitzvah of shiluach hakan - the lesson is,<BR/>G-d doesn't like it when people take advantage, and that's what occurs when an adult sexually abuses a child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-36719002930969008722009-01-12T09:13:00.000+02:002009-01-12T09:13:00.000+02:00Pardon a perpetrator?If a young woman is an abuse ...Pardon a perpetrator?<BR/><BR/>If a young woman is an abuse victim. And she has the minhag of saying every evening that she forgives anyone who did her harm, and that she wishes that "no one to be punished on her behalf".<BR/><BR/>Has she, religiously speaking, any possibility left to bring him to justice?<BR/><BR/>Should she stop saying this Tefila when abuse happens?<BR/><BR/>Can she say this Tefila and still seek justice?<BR/><BR/>Is it psychologically more healthy to denounce him (with all possible consequences: not being believed, having to go through police hearings, perhaps having to confront the perpetrator in court, seeing that he is not punished in the end) or not to say anything and to bear it alone?<BR/><BR/>Is it more healthy to forgive or not to forgive as long as he has not been punished? (Are there any reliable findings on this question?)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-24083842766055373942009-01-11T20:06:00.000+02:002009-01-11T20:06:00.000+02:00In my experience it is fairly common for the victi...In my experience it is fairly common for the victim to refuse to go to the police. Many times because she is embarrassed - not only for herself but that it often involves friends or family members who will be shocked or angry when they hear the accusations. It also because of fear that she won't be believed anyway.<BR/><BR/> It sounds like in this case the perpetrator has stopped the attacks. He probably is also married.<BR/>Is she interested in pressing charges? The more important issue is treatment.<BR/><BR/>Is there free or subsidized treatment for people who have been abused?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-71143623306355347342009-01-11T15:24:00.001+02:002009-01-11T15:24:00.001+02:00To explicitly address the point I saw as the one t...To explicitly address the point I saw as the one that spawned the question...<BR/><BR/>Regardless of the laws of <I>arayos</I>, rape is a violent crime, a kind of assault and battery. The harm to the rape victim is great. (This is what underlies items 1-4, 6, and 9 in RDE's list.)<BR/><BR/>The leniency of the laws of sexuality in this circumstance should not be confused with thinking the violation is minor on all levels.<BR/><BR/>-michamichahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13610506439687098313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7309929059139673041.post-9235704577780282492009-01-11T15:24:00.000+02:002009-01-11T15:24:00.000+02:00I am aware of Rav Eliashiv's shuva. It is my under...I am aware of Rav Eliashiv's shuva. It is my understanding that New York Police, when trying to gather information about a certain molester, used the psak.<BR/><BR/>The sticky points are as follows, "...it is permitted to notify the government authorities only in the case which it is certain that the accused has been sexually abusing children.", and "...because it is possible that allegations are being made solely because of some bitterness the student has against his teacher or because of some unfounded fantasy" Thus, what constitutes 'certainty'? If G-d forbid, ones own child reports an incident, how is the parent certain the child's allegations are not false, for in the child's heart of hearts he may bear true and justifiable bitterness toward's the accused?<BR/><BR/>I have spent some time pondering this. At what point can we indeed go to the secular authorities? Again what is 'certainty'?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com